


Tainted

by dreamsofspike



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-11
Updated: 2011-09-11
Packaged: 2017-10-23 15:29:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 35
Words: 82,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/251964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsofspike/pseuds/dreamsofspike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone wants Adam out of the way, and they'll go to any lengths to make that happen. Can Kris's and Adam's friendship survive this ultimate test?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She knew almost from the start that this was no “forever love”.

 

The timing just happened to be such that Larissa Evans met Kris Allen during the critical six month period between his break-up with his fiancé, Katy, and his debut on American Idol. The expression on his face when he merely referred to Katy in passing made her jealous because even in the present, in the flesh, she’d never managed to draw that look of longing and adoration to Kris’s eyes.

 

Larissa didn’t want to admit it to herself, but she was no fool.

 

She knew she was nothing more than the rebound girl.

 

Unfortunately, Kris was much more than that to her. From the first moment he’d smiled that disarming smile at her, those warm, brown eyes crinkling adorably at the corners as he’d taken her hand in his and introduced himself, speaking to her in that moment as if she was the only person that existed – Larissa had fallen deeply, passionately in love with him. As she’d gotten to know him better, she only found more to adore in Kris, until it hardly mattered whether or not he returned her love.

 

She knew she’d never love anyone half as much after him, so no matter how temporary this relationship was, Larissa was determined to hold onto it as long as possible.

 

For a long time, no one had come along to turn Kris’s head and draw him away from her. She began to relax, began to think that if the only competition she had was the memory of an ex-girlfriend, maybe they would last longer than she’d thought. Kris knew that he and Katy could never be together again; an unattainable desire was something she could accept and deal with.

 

Then American Idol happened.

 

Suddenly, Kris was wanted by every girl in the country. Larissa glued herself to his side, terrified that if she allowed her visible claim to slip even for a moment, one of the thousands of women who threw themselves at her boyfriend on a regular basis just might get his attention and pull him away.

 

She needn’t have worried. Kris hardly noticed them.

 

She needn’t have worried… about _them_.

 

As the show drew to a close, and the tour began, it became increasingly obvious to Larissa that Kris had little to no interest in the women who screamed and cheered for him and begged shamelessly for some scrap of his attention. No, his attention all seemed to be focused elsewhere – on Adam Lambert.

 

And it was no secret that his fellow performer and friend more than returned that attention.

 

Larissa had been infuriated and humiliated when the Rolling Stone interview had revealed Adam’s crush on her boyfriend. She had fumed and seethed with jealousy, which was nevertheless soothed somewhat by the reassuring knowledge that Kris would surely back off from his friendship with the other man now. There was no way he would allow the kind of gossip and rumors to begin which would surely accompany any evidence of their continued friendship.

 

To her horror and amazement, she couldn’t have been more wrong.

 

Kris didn’t allow the interview or the media frenzy that followed to affect his behavior toward Adam in the slightest. Immediately following the interview, Adam had been clearly anxious about Kris’s reaction to his statement, nervously stammering apologies.

 

Kris had cut him off without a moment’s hesitation, given him a warm hug, and promised him that this changed nothing. He accepted Adam for who he was, and was flattered and touched by the sentiment. He reassured Adam that he had become his best friend over the course of the past months, and nothing was going to change that.

 

Larissa told Kris that she was proud and pleased with his progressive attitude… but she was inwardly furious.

 

As the tour progressed, she grew increasingly insecure and frustrated as she noticed how much closer Kris and Adam were growing, in spite of – _or maybe because of?_ – Adam’s revelation. It seemed that every time Kris called her from the road, he was with Adam. Every time that he met her for a dinner or a night in a shared hotel room, Adam was the last of the group to leave them alone together. There were times when she’d step into their tour bus to see them sitting close on the sofa, talking in quiet, personal tones.

 

She worried constantly about the level of intimacy the two of them were building; her stomach was perpetually queasy, her nerves always on edge with the gnawing fear that in spite of her intense love for Kris, in spite of how desperately she held on to their relationship… she was losing him.

 

She had options, she reminded herself, and dark plans began to take shape in her mind. As the significant other of the current American Idol, she had access to places… people… that others might not. There were circumstances she could push into place – situations she could arrange – to suit the purposes of the scheme she was composing.

 

 _Kris is_ mine… _and I’m going to make sure that Lambert knows it. He’s going to back off… or he’s going to regret it…_

 

*********************************

 

His hands and head were both beginning to ache, but Adam didn’t want to concede defeat just yet. He knew how much these brief meetings meant to his fans, and felt bad for the ones he’d already had to miss over the past couple of weeks due to the discomfort of his sore throat and queasy stomach.

 

No, tonight, while he was feeling up to it, he was going to do his best to make up for lost time with his fans, by staying at the indoor meet and greet following the show for as long as he possibly could.

 

He smiled brightly as he wrapped his arm around a girl who’d just handed her camera to her friend. He felt the tremor that passed through her shoulders at the simple contact. Hearing her excited little squeal of joy, he wondered yet again how just being so close to _him_ could reduce someone to such a state.

 

He smiled and nodded as he listened to her gushing praise, taking it in with acceptance that was still more than a little self-conscious, before signing the picture she handed him and giving her a quick hug. As he watched the two girls walk away, a warm, familiar hand rested on his shoulder, and he turned to welcome Kris with a smile that was both pleased and weary.

 

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Concern darkened Kris's friendly expression. “How you holding up?”

 

“I’m fine,” Adam said. He dismissed Kris’s question with a wave of his hand. “Just another hour or so and we can rest, so…” His voice trailed off with a deep, shaky sigh before he added with a bright smile, “I’ll be just fine, promise. You can quit worrying, _Mom_.”

 

A single raised eyebrow made it clear that Kris was unconvinced. “You know, this crowd is thinning out a little,” he noted after a quick glance around the room. “You really could go ahead and call it a night. Someone from security could walk you out to the bus…”

 

“ _So_ not necessary,” Adam insisted – but he knew that the hoarse sound of his voice, as well as the slow, pained swallow that followed his words, betrayed the fact that he was really not feeling well at all. As Kris headed purposefully toward a man wearing a black “security” t-shirt lingering nearby, Adam reached for his arm, not quite catching him. “Kris… no, you don’t have to…”

 

“Excuse me.” Kris’s voice carried a subtle note of authority as he gave the man a pleasant smile. He was gradually getting more accustomed to wielding the power that came with his title. “Adam needs to go back to the bus; he’s not feeling well. Can you make sure he gets there safely?”

 

“Yes, of course, sir,” the guard assured him and looked expectantly toward Adam.

 

Adam gave Kris a pointed look of annoyance, which Kris resolutely returned, his jaw set in determination. Because he really _did_ feel like crap, Adam was the first to yield, rolling his eyes and muttering with over-dramatic irritation.

 

“You’re just lucky I’m sick, Kris Allen…”

 

“Uh-huh. Move it.”

 

As much as he feigned irritation with Kris’s protective attitude with him, Adam had to admit that he was secretly grateful for it. He never wanted to admit weakness or defeat, and was always willing to push himself to give just a little bit more to his fans; and sometimes in the midst of all that, he forgot to take care of _himself_.

 

And when he couldn’t look out for himself, it was tremendously reassuring to know that Kris was looking out for him.

 

*****************************

 

Adam was so exhausted that he barely spoke as the guard led him out of the room and through the winding halls that led toward the exit. He was dead on his feet, already imagining the soft comfort of his bunk in the bus, and an hour or so of quiet and rest before the others returned and the bus got too loud to allow him to sleep.

 

After a few minutes, however, Adam noticed that they seemed to be taking a different route than the one that had led to the room where the after party was being held.

 

“Is this the right way?” he asked. He was hesitant to correct someone who worked for the arena and certainly had a better idea of where he was going than Adam possibly could. “I thought…”

 

“Yeah, this is a better way,” the guard assured him. “No one but employees has access to this part of the building, so it’s much more secure. Don’t worry, I’ll have you to your bus in just another minute or so.”

 

Adam accepted that and kept following, each footstep feeling heavier and requiring more effort than the last. Still, despite his distraction, something didn’t seem quite right. He frowned as they turned a corner and went in the opposite direction of what he’d thought they should take. He wasn’t familiar with this part of the arena, but he was pretty sure his sense of direction wasn’t _that_ bad.

 

Before he could voice his concerns, the guard opened an exit door in front of them, holding it open for Adam to walk through.

 

“This way, sir.”

 

Adam stepped out of the building into the cool night air, then stared around him in bewilderment. They weren’t in the rear parking area where the bus was; in fact, the bus was nowhere in sight. They were in a narrow back alley. A dark sedan with its engine running was parked a few feet away. As his tired mind tried to make sense of what was happening, a large and burly man got out of the sedan, his face obscured by a black ski mask.

 

 _Okay… this is_ so _not right…_

Adam’s stomach lurched with fear, and he automatically began to back up toward the door and the relative safety of the building. Even as he did, he remembered the long and isolated route they had taken to get there and knew that just being inside would not offer much protection. A chill came over him with a sudden moment of clarity.

 

 _This was a trap… this guy’s probably not even really security…_

 

Before he could get through the door, rough hands pushed him from behind, sending him stumbling forward into the alley and directly into the grasp of the masked man. He struggled to pull away as the man grabbed his arm and pushed him up against the wall of the building. He tried to yell out for help, but a black-gloved hand firmly covered his mouth, so close to his nose that he could barely breathe. The acrid scent of leather filled his nostrils, and Adam began to panic, feeling suffocated and helpless, thrashing his head back and forth, his hands scrabbling at the restraining hands that held him in a desperate attempt to get free.

 

The fake security guard stepped in to help his partner, grabbing Adam’s wrist and pinning it against the wall behind him. He struggled frantically, desperate to escape the grasp of his two attackers – then froze, his chest constricting with a cold sensation of fear when the masked man raised a shiny black pistol and held it to his temple.

 

 _No… oh, God, no…_

 

“Shhh, easy…” he murmured. The chilling softness of his tone was terribly confusing when combined with the violence of his actions, and only served to increase Adam’s terror. “Easy, Adam… don’t make me hurt you…”

 

Adam's wrist was released, but he didn't dare move it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the guard closing the exit door, then moving back to where his co-conspirator stood. He flinched, but his attention was immediately drawn back to the man facing him by the gun pressing, hard and insistent, against the side of his head. The man’s cold smile was visible despite his mask, as he issued orders in that same disturbing tone of false gentleness.

 

“Keep quiet. You scream and you’re dead.”

 

Adam swallowed hard to dampen his dry mouth, wincing at the pain the action caused his sore throat. He was trembling violently, unable to focus on anything except the weapon aimed at his head, poised to take his life if he made a single wrong move.

 

He nodded as best he could with his head pinned between the wall and the masked man’s hand, indicating his obedience.

 

Abruptly the men released him, but only for a moment before spinning him around and shoving him roughly face-first against the wall. Adam’s heart sank as his hands were pulled behind his back and quickly fastened into a set of metal handcuffs. He winced as the man fisted his thick, dark hair and forced his head back. A moment later, a thick, heavy cloth was tied tightly around his head, covering his eyes.

 

The panic he had been fighting since he’d first realized that something was wrong began to close in with the helplessness of losing his sight. With his hands bound and unable to even see his attackers, there was no possibility that he would be able to fight his way out of this – not that he would have had much of a chance anyway, against two men, at least one of whom he knew was armed. Kris and the others thought one of the men was a security guard, and that he was safely back on the bus by now; no one would even know to look for him for a couple of hours yet.

 

Adam swallowed hard, drawing in a sharp, shaky breath. “Why are you doing this?” He struggled to control the tremor in his voice. “What do you want?”

 

“A lot of things,” the man in the mask said, so close to his ear that Adam could feel the damp heat of his breath on his skin. There was a trace of cruel humor in the man’s tone as he continued: “But first of all… I want you to shut your _fucking mouth_ …”

 

He grabbed Adam's hair again and slammed his forehead into the wall, hard enough that it made him dizzy and his knees went weak. An invasive arm slid around his waist, holding him up and bringing his captor even nearer to him as he went on in a menacing tone.

 

“… and do as you’re told. Think you can manage that?”

 

 _Okay… okay…_

 

Adam bit his lower lip, fighting the impulse to speak the appeasing words aloud, knowing that speaking again would only further piss this guy off – and that was something he could not afford to do right now. Instead, he merely nodded weakly, dazed from the blow, knowing only that in his helpless condition, he had to do whatever it took to satisfy his captor before he hit him again – or worse, used the gun in his hand. He could feel something warm and sticky running down his forehead, and wondered vaguely how bad the damage was, and how difficult it would be to cover the mark up for the next show.

 

 _If there_ is _a next show…_

 

The man turned him around, dragging him away from the wall. Disoriented without his sight and still dazed from the blow, Adam wasn’t sure where he was pushing him until the man shoved the back of his head down, and he recognized the sound of a car door opening. A sinking sensation of dread overcame him as he remembered a basic rule of self-defense he’d known since childhood.

 

Never _get in the car. Once they take you away from the scene, your chances of survival go_ way _down, really fast_ …

 

He tried desperately to pull away as he was manhandled toward the car, but with his hands bound and his eyes blinded, it was a useless struggle. The men turned his body so that his back was against the car – and then a brutal, agonizing blow left spots of dancing color behind his eyes as something hard and unyielding struck him with an explosion of pain across his cheek.

 

 _The gun…?_

 

The man caught him by the throat, pushing him back and cutting off his oxygen. He gasped for breath that wouldn’t come, prevented from struggling with his body pinned to the car, and his hands trapped behind his back. His heart raced with terror as his lungs ached for the air denied them.

 

“You can settle down and quit being an _idiot_ … or I can kill you right here. Would you rather I did that?”

 

Desperate for air, Adam tried to shake his head in response to the question, distressed when he realized that he couldn’t due to the bruising grip on his throat. Fortunately, his captor seemed to understand what he was trying to say.

 

“Good.”

 

He shoved Adam roughly into the vehicle, and this time, Adam did not resist. He just sat there trembling with the shock and horror of what was happening to him, trying to think through the fear, trying to find some solution, some means of escape, where there seemed to be none. He tensed as he felt the seat depress beside him, knew that his captor was getting into the car beside him. He relaxed a fraction when the man didn’t touch him – and then went utterly still, his racing thoughts halted in a moment by the next words the masked man spoke. They were muttered under his breath, but Adam heard them clearly.

 

There was no way he could have missed them.

 

“Stupid little faggot.”

 

Adam’s heart lurched at those words, then sank slowly under the weight of a dark understanding.

 

 _If that’s what this is about… If they’re doing this to me because I’m gay… because they_ hate _me because I’m gay… then that… that means…_

 

The other man got into the front of the car. A moment later, it pulled out into the street; Adam’s darkest fears crowded in with a terrible, sinking certainty.

 

 _Oh, God. I’m going to die.  
_


	2. Chapter 2

Adam’s mind raced as he tried to fight off the panic surging against his thoughts, nearly swallowing them up in a wave of wordless, helpless terror. He knew if he allowed that to happen, he’d never get out of this; he had to stay calm, had to focus, had to find a way to just live through whatever these guys had planned.

That unanswered question was, however, the most terrifying part of the whole situation.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked again quietly, managing with a supreme effort to keep his voice level and calm. “What is this about?”

But he was terribly afraid that he already knew.

 _Stupid little faggot…_

The vicious words echoed in his mind, spinning until he felt dizzy and sick. If this was about money, or publicity, or something like that, there was a good chance that he could come out of it relatively unharmed. Hopefully, whoever they were asking for said money or notoriety could provide it, and he would be released.

But if this was about nothing more than people who hated him for who he was, taking him just to punish him for that…

 _God… I’m_ _so_ _going to die…_

Adam winced as he felt a harsh hand grasp his hair, tightening slowly and drawing his head back, exposing his throat and making him feel sickeningly vulnerable. His bound fists flexed uselessly against the cuffs that held them behind his back, and he tried his best to stay calm as he sensed his captor edging in closer beside him, giving a vicious yank on his hair that made him bite back a startled cry of pain.

“I’ve got an idea, Adam,” the man said in a frighteningly low, soft voice, as his free hand reached across Adam’s waist and came to rest low on his hip, making his stomach lurch with panic. “You can keep your stupid mouth shut… and I’ll tell you when I want you to… _open_ it…”

A hot rush of nausea filled Adam’s throat at the clear implication in the man’s words and touch, and he tried to suppress the shudder of revulsion that ran through him.

 

 _No… please, no, don’t let them... oh God, please… not that…_

******************************

“No. No way they can make us do this. They are out of their freaking _minds_!”

Kris paced back and forth across the floor of his hotel room, hands waving wildly as he expressed his frustrated fury. Danny sat on the bed, watching him with grim, solemn eyes. Less than an hour earlier, the producers had met with the nine remaining Idols and given them an announcement regarding the status of the tour.

That announcement had left Kris in a state of helpless, outraged fury.

Danny had followed Kris and Larissa to Kris’s room – but now, the expression on his face made it clear that he probably wished he hadn’t. His lips parted a few moments before he actually spoke, choosing his words cautiously in an attempt to somehow calm the angry Idol.

“I’m sorry, Kris. I know how you feel about this, but – they actually _can_ make us do this. And… to be honest… they don’t really have much of a choice. The arenas are sold out in every city left on the tour…”

“I don’t give a damn if they’re sold out or not! We are not going on with this tour until we know he’s okay!” Kris insisted, feeling a perverse sense of satisfaction at the startled look on Danny’s face as the mild curse word left his lips.

 

Mild or not, it was stronger language than Danny had heard from Kris before. It was stronger language than Kris could remember using before, for that matter; but his fury overwhelmed any sense of guilt he might have felt. He was outraged on behalf of his friend, desperate to help him, and yet helpless to do either.

The producers had informed them that, while everyone involved with the tour was “deeply concerned” for Adam’s “well-being”, if he wasn’t found within the next twenty-four hours, they would be pulling out and heading for the next show anyway. Too much time and money had been invested to let the tour collapse completely; and there was really nothing the Idols themselves could do to help find Adam here.

 

Adam’s family had been informed of what little they knew within hours of Adam’s disappearance, and his parents and brother had flown into town immediately. They were staying at a different hotel under fake names to protect them – and Adam – from the media storm that would surely have occurred if anyone in the press had found out they were in town. Of course, the producers assumed that Adam’s family being close by to be there for him when he was found was good enough.

 

Kris thought they were forgetting one very vital point.

 

He and Adam basically _were_ family.

Kris kept trying to figure out how it had happened in the first place. There had apparently been some kind of a mix-up with the arena’s security; the guard Kris had asked to get Adam back to the bus had not worked for the arena at all. No one knew who he was or how he’d managed to get so close to the Idols undetected.

Adam had been missing for just over forty-eight hours.

“We’ve already cancelled two shows, Kris,” Danny reminded him gently. “I know it doesn’t matter to you, but that’s a lot of money down the drain for the people who put this all together. I know you’re worried; we all are. But… we can’t just stay here, the whole tour, stuck in one city until he decides to show up again…”

Kris’s eyes narrowed in indignant challenge as he took a step closer to Danny, feeling a rush of defensive rage for his friend who was not there to defend himself against the subtle accusation. “And just what is _that_ supposed to mean?” His voice was low and full of barely controlled anger. “What, you think he just took off because he _felt_ like it? You really think he’d do that!”

Danny eyed Kris warily as he slowly stood and took a backward step toward the night stand next to the bed – a subconscious reaction to the threat he perceived in Kris’s actions. “No,” he backpedaled. “I… didn’t say that. It’s just… it’s smart that they haven’t let it get out that Adam’s disappeared. They can use his illness to explain why he’s not continuing the tour; but… well… that doesn’t explain why these last few shows were cancelled for everyone… why we’re still here… and the media’s trying to find out, and… well, you know what people would say, if… if this _did_ get out…”

Danny was stumbling over his words, taking a step back, despite the fact that he towered over Kris. Neither Danny, nor most of the others involved with the tour, had ever seen Kris _really_ angry. At the moment, however, he wasn’t all that concerned with maintaining his laid-back Southern boy image.

Gokey just _really_ shouldn’t have gone there.

“What would they say?” Kris demanded. “What are you suggesting, exactly? What, because he’s got this image he portrays on stage – because he’s unapologetic about who he is – the press is going to somehow twist this to look like he just took off and didn’t tell anyone? Like this is _his_ fault, somehow? There was a _known_ security leak!”

“I know that, Kris, and _you_ know that, but… rumors…”

“He is in _danger_ , and you’re worried about _rumors_?”

Kris nearly exploded in frustration. He barely noticed Larissa coming out of the bathroom behind him and putting a gently restraining hand on his arm. He knew it was irrational, but he wanted to jerk his arm away. He immediately felt bad. This wasn’t _her_ fault; he just really did not _want_ to be calmed down right now.

He’d have been out searching for Adam himself if he hadn’t known how useless an effort that would be. Any attempts he made would have been thwarted by any number of people who happened to recognize him; and if he _did_ come anywhere close to finding Adam, whoever was holding him could be easily alerted to the fact by the crazy amount of excitement and activity that always seemed to follow in Kris’s wake these days.

No, Kris knew he was helping more by not helping – by sticking close to the others and taking up for Adam’s rights in his absence.

“I know you don’t want to hear this,” Danny continued, his voice quiet and calm as he met Kris’s eyes with a solemn gaze. “But we’re all still under contract, and we still have over thirty concerts left. Too much money has already been invested to let the tour fall apart. I know it seems harsh and insensitive, but we’re really not helping anything by just sitting here waiting for news. The police are in the middle of a full-blown investigation, and it’s _their_ job to find him.”

He hesitated over the words before adding, “It’s… _our_ job to make sure that… the show goes on.” He paused before concluding sympathetically, “It’s… what Adam would want.”

That was simply too much for Kris to take.

He lunged toward Danny, fists clenched at his sides, only stopped by Larissa, who grabbed his arm with a gasp of alarm and tried to pull him back.

“Kris… no!”

He barely managed to rein in his temper, trembling with the effort of restraining himself from physically attacking Danny. He had stood there and listened to Danny’s excuses and calm reasoning for why they should simply abandon Adam and go on as if nothing had happened; and he had had more than enough.

 

“How do you get off, thinking you even have the first _clue_ what Adam would want?” he seethed, his voice more controlled but no less furious. “You don’t even know him! You’ve never cared to, have you? All you care about is what this latest _setback_ is gonna do to your _career_! Well maybe I should put this in terms you’ll understand.”

This time, Kris _did_ shrug off Larissa’s touch, but not before giving her a reassuring glance, trying to silently assure her that he was _not_ going to _actually_ take the other guy’s head off, no matter how badly he wanted to do so. She uncertainly let go, and he took another step toward Danny, who uneasily took another step back, apparently not quite as sure of Kris’s control as Larissa was.

“Here’s what I think you’re forgetting, Danny,” Kris continued, a cold smile touching his lips as he met Danny's gaze in challenge. “It is _absolutely_ in our best interest to do _everything_ in our power to help make sure he’s all right. It doesn’t matter who won. You think _half_ the fans, television crews, and journalists would show up if he wasn’t on the tour? Without Adam – there _is_ no show.” He was quiet for a moment, finally backing down a little with an extreme effort, his voice softer when he continued, “Not for me, anyway. I’m not going anywhere until I know he’s all right.”

Danny drew in a deep breath, letting it out in a shaky sigh. He shook his head slowly, his tone patient and gently reproving. “Kris…”

“Get out.”

 

Danny hesitated just a moment before he wisely complied, leaving Kris alone with his girlfriend and the tumultuous emotions swirling through him.

 

He just stood there for a long moment, struggling against the wave of fear and despair that threatened to overwhelm him, before finally sinking down on the edge of the bed. Physically and emotionally drained by the encounter with Danny in addition to the fear and uncertainty of the last two days, Kris relaxed his clenched fists with an effort and rested his head in his trembling hands.

 

Larissa sat down slowly beside him, wrapping a tentative arm around him and resting her head on his shoulder in an attempt at comfort. “Shhh,” she murmured when his shoulders began to tremble slightly. “It’s gonna be all right, baby. They’ll find him. I’m sure he’s fine.”

“How can you be?” Kris raised his head to meet her gaze, his own brimming with the tears he was struggling to hold back. “He’s disappeared, and we have no idea what might have happened to him – why that guy was pretending to be security – where he might have taken him… How can you be sure of anything?”

Larissa was quiet for a moment. She studied his expression with compassion and sympathy as she raised gentle fingers to brush tenderly against his cheek. “I’m sure of one thing,” she insisted quietly. “It’s going to be okay, honey. Whatever happens – I’m here for you. Everything’s going to be all right.”

Kris stared at her in disbelief for a long moment, not quite able to process her meaningless words, before slowly shaking his head in denial. “No. No, it’s not. Not if he’s not all right.” He paused a moment, before adding earnestly, “Rissa… he’s my _best friend_. If somebody’s hurt him… how can that possibly be all right?”

“Well, it’s not,” Larissa hurriedly amended, eyes downcast for a moment before looking up at him again. “Of course it’s not _all right_. I’m just saying… no matter what happens… at least we’ve always got each other. Right?”

 

 _No matter what happens? What is_ that _supposed to mean? If_ anything _happens to Adam…_

Finding little comfort in her words, Kris nodded numbly as he looked away, once again lost in his own troubling thoughts. His best friend had disappeared – probably abducted or worse – and there was nothing he could do about it but sit here uselessly arguing about the producers’ decision, and trying to do what he could to ensure that Adam was not simply left behind and cast aside like so much useless garbage.

 _And a lot of good_ that _does. He’s still out there, wherever he is… unable to let us know what’s happened or if he’s okay or if he’s even… God… No, can’t even_ think… _No… he has to be okay… he_ has _to be…_

**********************************

At that moment, Adam was very far from okay.

He was sitting on a cold stone floor, his knees folded half-under him, his back against the wall, his cuffed wrists fastened to the wall with a very short chain that kept them suspended uncomfortably over his head. They’d been like that for several hours now, and the pain and tingling had subsided to a frightening numbness that made him wonder about things he’d never given much thought before – things like cell death and nerve damage.

 

He was still blindfolded – had not been allowed his sight since he’d been taken – and now, he’d been gagged as well, a thick cloth tied into his mouth almost as soon as they’d brought him here.

Of course. They couldn’t have allowed anyone to hear his screams.

 

That wasn’t an issue anymore. Between the sickness he’d already been struggling with when he’d been taken, and the hours of desperate, pleading cries muffled by the gag in his mouth, Adam was no longer able to scream – at least not at a level where there was a risk of anyone hearing him.

Everything hurt.

 

He knew it would not be long before his captor returned to torment him again. Since they’d chained him up in this room, he’d only been made aware of the presence of one of them – the man in the ski mask. The other might have been there, or not; Adam couldn’t tell with the blindfold on. All he knew was that the masked man demanded his full attention – and had ways of ensuring that he got it.

 

Every couple of hours his captor would come into the cold stone room in which they were keeping him, and set about causing him so much pain that he longed for death to ease it. His clothes were in tatters – first soaked, now stiff with his own blood – and his body was in even worse condition. Adam had lost count of the number of blows he’d taken – the number of cuts that had been made into his vulnerable flesh – the number of vicious burns that had been inflicted upon him.

 

His kidnapper seemed to take pleasure in coming up with new and more inventive ways of making him suffer, laughing at his pitiful whimpers and stifled cries of anguish. He seemed to feed on Adam’s pain, relishing the suffering he was causing his helpless captive. Sometimes he took the gag off when he hurt him, and Adam was sure that it was simply because he enjoyed hearing him cry and beg – and between his sore throat and the screams that had torn his voice to shreds, it wasn’t as if there was a chance of his being heard, anyway.

 

Every time, Adam resolved that next time, he wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. He was usually left alone for long enough to regain control of his emotions, to calm down and get it together as best he could. But by now he’d reached the point that merely the sound of the opening door or footsteps on the floor was enough to make his resolve crumble and reduce him to pleading tears.

 

 

Adam hadn’t slept since he’d been taken, at least not for more than a few fitful minutes at a time. Even the hours spent in silent isolation in his makeshift prison were filled with the fear and uncertainty of never knowing when his tormentor would return to continue his torture.

 

He’d had nothing to eat since his capture, and only a little water to drink. He’d felt feverish and disoriented for the past day and a half, as the sickness that had before been little more than an inconvenience now ran rampant through his weakened body.

 

He’d been offered no explanation yet for why this was happening to him.

He hovered between consciousness and oblivion, every part of him vacillating between cold, quiet numbness and screaming agony. He no longer hoped for escape or rescue, but only for the release of death when his captor finally got tired of his sadistic games – except in the moments when his captor used threats of death to torment him. It was then that Adam remembered that he did yet possess the will to survival, in spite of it all. He would tremble in dreadful anticipation of the killing blow, or cut, or bullet, and remember that life was still something to cling to, despite what he was suffering.

 

It was the only thing he could think of to be grateful for in this place of endless suffering.

 

At the moment, he was alone in his unseen prison – but he knew it wouldn’t last.

 

As if in answer to his thoughts, the door to the room opened with a metallic crash, and though the last remnants of his pride dictated that he should not react, he could not suppress a flinch at the sound of harsh footsteps approaching across the stone. He steeled himself not to show his terror, but everything within him was quaking, falling apart, as his mind echoed a desperate, hopeless plea.

 

 _No… no, please… not again..._


	3. Chapter 3

Adam braced himself for more pain, drawing back against the unyielding concrete wall behind him as his captor’s footsteps neared him – but it offered no protection from what he feared was to come. His bound hands jerked uselessly against the cuffs that held them over his head in an instinctive attempt to cover his vulnerable, battered body, to somehow protect it from further suffering – but he and his captor both knew it wasn’t going to do him any good.

 

The man crouched in front of him, and Adam could feel his cruel smile as he reached out a sickeningly gentle hand to touch his cheek. Adam jerked away, a violent shudder of revulsion and fear passing through him. But it was no good; he was helpless to escape as the other man grabbed his chin roughly and yanked his head back into place. A moment later, Adam felt the cold, smooth brush of steel against his cheek.

 

He drew in a sharp breath of alarm, his heart clenching in his chest as he waited for the blast. He stayed as still as possible, desperate to somehow show his captor that he would not resist again.

 

 _Please… God, please don’t… please don’t…_

 

It was not the first time his captor had used a gun to threaten him; every time he did, Adam wondered if they were finally finished, if this was the time when the man would end his life. Though in some ways it would have been a blessed relief from the torment he’d been inflicting upon him, his survival instinct was still somehow strong, and his heart lurched at the contact and the threat it implied.

The masked man took cruel pleasure in terrorizing his captive in any way he could, combining savage violence with soft, soothing words and tones until Adam was so hopelessly confused and utterly freaked out that he thought he was losing his mind. The man was obviously a professional, very skilled at the kind of mind games and psychological warfare in which he was engaging; but that knowledge did not really help Adam to better handle the situation. He was kept constantly off his guard by the erratic shifts in his captor’s tones and moods, the drastic changes from brutal violence one moment to calculated gentleness the next. He had no idea what to expect at any given moment, or what to do to protect himself from greater suffering.

 

Nothing about the situation was in any way within his control.

 

 _And maybe that’s the point. Maybe that’s exactly what he wants me to know._

Abruptly the man released Adam, removing the gun for the moment, and Adam let out the shaky breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. A tremor passed through him with the immediate relief of having the gun no longer aimed at his head; but he immediately tensed again, his stomach lurching as he heard the man sit down beside him. His shoulder and thigh both brushed against Adam’s, so he had apparently sat down with his back against the wall to which Adam was bound, leaving virtually no space between them. His voice was casual, conversational, when he spoke into the stillness of the cold little room.

 

“Someone thinks you’ve been getting in the way, Adam.”

Adam struggled to focus on the cryptic words through the fog of pain and terror that filled his thoughts, but couldn’t make sense of them.

 

 _Someone…_ what? _What is he talking about?_

 

He swallowed hard, shaking his head slightly to indicate his confusion, since he couldn’t voice his questions. Adam flinched when he sensed his captor’s hand moving close to his face; but apparently the other man had noticed his communication problem, because all he did was to remove the cloth tied into Adam’s mouth.

Before Adam could even draw a breath, he felt the muzzle of the gun pressed between his parted, gasping lips, and froze in terror. An incongruently gentle hand cupped the back of his head, caressing slowly through his hair. His captor’s voice was low and calm as he spoke softly into his ear.

“You’re not going to make a sound, are you? You’re going to keep your mouth shut unless you’re answering me. Is that clear?”

Adam shook his head in answer to the first question, then nodded desperately to the second, his breath shallow and ragged through his nose as he fought off drowning waves of panic at the thought of how easily the man could end his life.

“Good. Good boy.”

 

The gun slipped out of his mouth, and Adam swallowed hard, struggling to moisten his mouth after – _how long? hours? days?_ – of having it securely bound. He felt an overwhelming sense of relief at the approval in the man’s voice – and then immediately hated himself for taking any comfort at all in the false reassurance offered by the quiet words of his tormenter. His captor’s touch sickened him, and he wanted to pull away as the man kept idly playing with his hair, but he didn’t dare.

 

Many of the numerous bruises and other injuries that his face and body already bore were results of his resistance. He had fought desperately when they’d brought him in here, knowing that if he couldn’t escape then, he wouldn’t likely be able to at all. His futile efforts had been rewarded with a brutal beating that had left him barely conscious; and when he’d awakened, it was too late. Now, even the slightest resistance – pulling away when he was touched, speaking without permission during those rare moments when the gag was removed – was viciously punished.

At this point, all of the fight had been driven from him by pain and degradation.

“I bet you’re wondering why we’ve done all this to you, aren’t you, Adam?” the man beside him quietly mused.

A little calmer with the gun no longer so close to him, Adam tried to steady his breathing, his thoughts filled with a dozen possible reasons, none of which he was foolish enough to voice aloud.

 

 _Because you’re a bunch of homophobic assholes who couldn’t stand the fact that I’m actually proud of who and what I am? Or closet cases who can’t stand the sight of me because it reminds you of who_ you _really are? Or maybe just your garden variety perverts who knew there’s no other way you’d ever get to_ touch _me…_

Okay… so maybe not _all_ of the fight.

A vicious slap caught him off guard, knocking his head into the wall with dizzying impact. Confused, Adam wondered whether or not he’d accidentally spoken his thoughts aloud. Before he had time to consider the reason, the slap was followed by a savage punch to his already battered ribcage, and Adam could not quite hold back a choked cry of pain as he tried to double over around the injury, but was prevented by the bonds that held his wrists over his head. A moment later, the man wrapped a strong grip around Adam's throat, cutting off his air completely.

Adam struggled to pull free, gasping desperately for breath that would not come as his captor choked him mercilessly, pressing his thumb hard against Adam’s windpipe until everything started to go gray, and darkness crept in around the edges of his consciousness.

Finally, the man eased his grip on Adam’s throat, but didn’t release him. Instead, he shook him so that his head hit the wall again and snarled into his ear, “You gonna answer me, you stupid little queer, or do I need to just finish you off right here?”

Gasping for breath, struggling to think through the pain and panic of the unprovoked attack he was enduring, Adam tried to focus on what his captor had said a few moments earlier. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t recall a question. Nevertheless, he nodded weakly in response, his mind too dazed from the blows and his voice too hoarse from sickness and disuse to verbally respond. The sudden shift from disarming calm to violent fury had thrown him completely. His entire body trembled as he tried to figure out what he’d done wrong to bring on such an assault.

 

He flinched when the man released his throat, only to run the backs of his fingers lightly down Adam’s cheek. He fought back a wave of nausea at the disturbing intimacy of the touch, certain that vomiting all over his captor’s shoes would earn him nothing but more suffering. The constant shifts in the way he was being treated were frightening and disorienting. He had no way of knowing what he could do to keep from being hurt again.

“I’m sure you have been wondering, Adam,” the man went on, his tone calm and measured once more as he continued the invasively gentle caress, “So I’ll tell you. Like I said… you’ve been getting in the way. Someone feels like you’ve been encroaching on their territory, and you need to back off – even if that means someone has to make you do it.”

Adam was at a loss, unable to conceive of what his captor could possibly be talking about. He shook his head in helpless confusion, a queasy feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. When the man did not go on, he offered a hesitant reply. “I… I don’t understand… what… territory…?”

“Not what, Adam,” the man corrected quietly. “Who.”

None of it made any sense. Adam had thought that these men had brought him here simply to punish him for his very vocal public portrayal of his sexuality. Now, it seemed that there was more to it than that; but whether it was his pain and exhaustion, or simply the cryptic, veiled way in which his captor spoke of it – Adam simply couldn’t make sense of what he was being told.

“Kris Allen.”

Adam raised his head sharply in an instinctive need to face the man, though the blindfold prevented it.

“That’s right,” his tormentor continued with an audible smirk. “Your little friend and former roommate, whom you’ve gotten so close to these past few months.”

The man idly threaded his fingers through Adam's dirty, disheveled hair again, tugging his head backward, while his other hand began trailing suggestively up his thigh. Adam shuddered, a sick sense of realization coming over him at the subtle implication of the touch. He flinched, trying in vain to pull away. The touch immediately became hard and punishing, grasping and forcing him to remain in place.

“You need to back off,” the voice near his ear came sharp and demanding. “He’s a straight man in a committed relationship, and he doesn’t want anything to do with anything a fag like you has to offer. Am I making myself clear?”

Adam flushed with shame at the cruel words, a blow made more intimately painful by the knowledge of the feelings he did indeed hold for Kris, and how those feelings were now being thrown in his face and used against him. But despite the wishes and fantasies he’d never dared to pursue, nothing had happened between him and Kris. He knew that Kris was taken, and he didn’t want to do anything to ruin their friendship.

“I… I haven’t… I mean… we’re just friends,” he stammered out in a hoarse, uncertain whisper, swallowing hard as the man yanked his head back farther, fingers tightening painfully in his hair. “I didn’t do anything…” His words broke off in a gasp of alarm as he felt the steel of the gun tracing along his lips again, and bit back whatever else he might have said.

“Did I ask for your _fucking_ explanations, Adam?” the man snarled viciously. “Did I even say you could _speak_?”

He shook his head frantically, panic quickening his breath. “You said if… if it was a question...”

The gun came down in a brutal blow that split his lip and made bright stars of color dance behind his eyes. Adam flinched as the gun pressed hard against his jaw, pushing his head back and pinning it painfully between the gun and the wall. The cold, rough stone dug into his cheek, and he held his breath, heart racing, helplessly waiting once again for the inevitable shot.

 

“Were you answering my question, Adam?” the gunman demanded, jamming the gun harder against his jaw and eliciting a pained whimper from his captive’s lips.

 

“No,” Adam whispered, shaking his head what little he could manage, fighting back hopeless tears. “No… I-I’m sorry…”

His tormentor was silent for a long, tense moment before he leaned in close and murmured in a cold, patronizing tone, “Then _shut. Up_.”

Adam nodded again, swallowing back a hard knot of fear that had formed in his throat. This man had proven himself to be capable of the kind of brutality Adam could not have imagined before this, and the last thing he wanted was to piss him off any further. He was trying so hard to keep it together, to not allow himself to give in to his own panic and fall apart in front of his captor yet again, but he wasn’t sure how much more he could take at this point.

Adam’s thoughts were all at once distracted from his struggle for control, and he instinctively jerked away from the invasive fingers that were suddenly sliding up under the side of his shirt; but he was unable to escape the deceptively gentle touch, stroking slowly up and down across his skin in a parody of soothing comfort. Despite his utter revulsion, however, he went obediently still when he felt the gun press up under his chin, keeping his mouth closed and his head back as his captor spoke softly into his ear.

“I don’t care what you say, Adam. The whole country knows how you feel about him – knows what you’d like to do with him – and there are some people who are not at all happy about that. And one of those people has paid _me_ to make sure that you back off and leave him alone. Do you understand?”

Arguing the innocence of his motives when it came to Kris was not going to do him any good at that point. Adam nodded as best he could, swallowing hard against the pressure of the weapon against his neck.

“That means no more long, intimate talks in private… no more silly jokes about sexuality and your relationship in front of the _entire country_ …” He paused, lowering his voice for emphasis as he continued sharply, “No more _friendship_. Whatever kind of sick, twisted thing you two have going on, it ends now. You will make sure that it ends. Or I will find you again. Don’t think I can’t. And when I do… it won’t just be you who suffers the consequences. Am I making myself clear, Adam?”

Adam nodded, his heart racing with fear from the implied threat against Kris, as well as the perilous situation he was in himself. “Y-yes,” he managed to choke out as the man removed the gun, allowing his head to fall forward again. “Yes… whatever you say… just… don’t hurt him…”

“I won’t, Adam,” was the disturbingly gentle answer, as his captor’s fingers trailed slowly down his cheek in a sickeningly intimate caress. Adam tensed in alarm as the touch drifted down, leaving his face to trace suggestively around the waistband of his jeans. His heart rate accelerated, his stomach churning with fear and disgust, as the man leaned in so close that he could feel the brush of his lips against his ear, his voice low and darkly enticing.

 

“I won’t hurt him… as long as you do as you’re told…”

 

A hot rush of nausea filled Adam’s throat at the clear implication in the man’s words and touch, and he tried to suppress the shudder of revulsion that ran through him. He shook his head without really realizing he was doing it, his mind desperately denying the terrifying truth of what was about to happen.

 

His captor laughed softly, a cruel, ugly sound, as he slid a hand down the back of Adam’s jeans and whispered in his ear again, words that made Adam feel ashamed and vulnerable and dirty.

 

“Pretty little fag like you… should be pretty good at taking orders by now, right?”

 

Anger and outrage rose up within Adam at the degrading, insulting words, and his mouth twisted into a bitter smirk, despite his situation.

 

 _If he only knew…_

“Here’s an order for _you_ ,” he replied in a soft voice taut with anger and defiance. “Go fuck yourself.”

Adam braced for the reaction to his words. He knew when he spoke them that they’d bring down more punishment upon him, and had readied himself to accept it; but only silence followed for a few long moments. Then, the man laughed softly, a chilling sound that made a sick tremor begin in Adam’s stomach.

“Cute, kid… very cute…”

The gesture was immediately followed, however, by a brutal backhand blow that knocked his head into the wall, then another that doubled the impact, leaving Adam dizzy and disoriented, struggling not to black out as his hair was painfully seized again. His abused scalp silently screamed its protest as his captor leaned in very close again, and his words made Adam’s heart sink with horror and despair, as they confirmed his worst fears.

“… but it’ll be so much more fun fucking _you_."


	4. Chapter 4

Adam huddled against the wall of the room that had become his prison, trembling violently with shock and pain. His hands were bound behind him now, fastened to a point nearly at floor level, so he could feel his hands again – not that he was at all sure at the moment that more feeling was a _good_ thing. His physical and emotional pain were amplified by the fact that he was still blindfolded, trapped in a world of darkness where the only thing he could focus on was the pain, and the only thing he could see was the brutally vivid memory of what had happened to him a few hours earlier.

 

He shivered, his bound body trying to curl in on itself to protect him from the cold that went deeper than bone-deep, deeper than anything physical, right into his very soul. When he’d been left alone this last time, after hours of unspeakable abuse and violation, he’d been left broken and damaged and naked – stripped of both his clothing, and his very dignity.

 

The gag had been left off this time when his captor had left him.

 

He probably knew that Adam no longer had the strength of will or body left to make himself heard outside these walls.

Adam flinched when the door opened with an echoing crash, turning his head away and swallowing back a despairing sob. He hadn't known there was any piece of him left to break, but something within him shattered at the prospect of more suffering and degradation.

 _Please… no more… please, no more, I can’t…_

His dignity left in tatters at his feet, it was all Adam could do to hold back the pleading, desperate words; and the only reason he did so at all was because he was afraid of the consequences if he dared to speak without permission. He cringed at the sound of the now-familiar footsteps crossing the room, shaking his head almost imperceptibly in a silent plea for mercy from someone he already knew had none.

The man reached down and jerked Adam’s head back, and Adam bit back a cry of pain. By this point, his scalp was very sore from all the abuse it had taken over the past – however long he had been here. He had no idea at this point. At first he’d tried to keep track of the time, to guess at how long he’d been missing, and how long it might be before someone tried to find him. By now, though, his entire world had been reduced to agony after endless agony.

 

Reality before this hellish place almost felt like a cherished dream.

 

Adam tensed, taut and trembling with dreadful anticipation. He could feel the heat rolling off the other man’s body as he crouched in front of him, and he instinctively tried to draw back further, though his folded legs were already pressed against the wall behind him as far as he could go. His captor reacted to his pitiful attempt with a cruel laugh.

 

“What’s the matter, Adam?” he taunted softly, reaching out to brush his fingertips lightly over his captive’s trembling lips. “Don’t you like me anymore?”

Adam’s skin crawled from the degrading insinuations of the words, as much as the suggestive touch of his captor’s hand. His face hot with humiliation, his stomach lurching in revulsion, Adam tried to pull away, and was rewarded with a brutal slap across his face, followed by cruel fingers digging into his jaw, roughly holding his head in place. He shuddered from the man’s warm breath on his cheek and the harsh, menacing words that followed, in a far different tone than before.

“Don’t you _move_ , you stupid little whore. Don’t you _dare_ fight me, do you understand? You’re _nothing_ but a pathetic little _bitch_ who’s going to keep still and do exactly as he’s told! Aren’t you?”

 

He shook Adam by the painful grip he had on his face, knocking his head into the wall, and Adam winced with pain, trying to nod against the vise-like hold, biting down on his lip until he tasted blood to keep from crying out. Panic nearly overwhelmed him at the reminder of his own helplessness; and in that moment, Adam would have done anything to keep from experiencing the same abuses that had been forced upon him the last time.

 

 _Please… please, don’t…_ please _don’t…_

 

The man’s voice softened slightly as his touch gentled on Adam’s jaw, and then began to trail suggestively downward. Adam shuddered, but dared not try to pull away again. He offered no greater resistance than a choked cry of pitiful protest and a slow, pleading shake of his head. Even as he tried to silently plead with his captor, however, Adam’s shoulders shook with silent sobs of despair.

 

He knew he would find no pity or compassion here.

“That’s better,” the man soothed him. “That’s more like it. Easy…”

Adam lowered his head in shame at the approval in the words. He was disgusted with his own submission – but he couldn’t fight, he couldn’t escape. He hated himself for surrendering to the attack that had taken place before, but he had no choice. This situation was completely outside his control; he was helpless to do anything except whatever it took to somehow _survive_ another minute.

 

At least… that’s what he kept telling himself.

 

Believing it was another matter entirely.

“Now… if I let you live, Adam… if I let you go… you’re going to keep your mouth shut. Aren’t you?”

Adam’s heart leapt up into his throat, an uneasy hope rising within him. He hadn’t even considered the possibility that his captor might intend to let him live when he was through with him. He caught his lower lip between his teeth for a moment before nodding hurriedly, swallowing hard.

“Yes,” he agreed in a hoarse whisper. “I… I won’t tell anyone… I swear…”

“Shhh,” his captor soothed him with false gentleness, covering his mouth and silencing his tremulous, pleading words. “You’re not going to say a word about what happened. I know.” He paused, and his voice was somehow soft and hard at the same time as he continued with quiet, certain authority. “The first time I hear of a single detail of this incident being released to the press… or the cops… I’m coming after you, Adam. You _and_ Kris. Do you understand?”

“Y-yes,” Adam whispered, struggling to speak as the man removed his hand from Adam’s mouth. “I-I understand…”

“And you’re going to stay away from him, aren’t you? You’re not going to tell him why – but you two are suddenly not going to be such good friends after all, are you?”

Adam hesitated, wincing at the emotional pain of that very suggestion. He bit his lip again, struggling to find the words to answer.

“You don’t want him to get hurt, do you, Adam?” his captor prompted. “You don’t want for something bad to happen to _Kris_ , because _you_ couldn’t man up and do what you had to do, do you? How would you like to spend a couple of hours just watching… tied down like this so you can’t do a damn thing… while I do to Kris what I just finished doing to you? Does that sound like something you want to happen, Adam?”

Adam shook his head desperately, swallowing back a sob, unable to form words under the intensity of the terror the man’s cruel threats created. Unsatisfied with his wordless response, his captor slapped him and shook him hard as he snarled again.

“ _Does it_?”

“No,” Adam gasped out, barely over a breath. “Please… please, no… please don’t…”

“Well, Adam,” the man continued, his voice patient and patronizingly gentle again. “That’s up to you, now, isn’t it?”

He was quiet a moment, allowing that thought to sink in, before he continued in a pitiless, threatening whisper in Adam’s ear, gripping the side of his face so he couldn’t pull away, his other hand trailing over Adam’s body with obscene intimacy.

“You’re going to need medical care, Adam. I know I… did a lot of damage.” Adam could hear the smirk in his voice, and his skin crawled with the horrific images that flooded his mind. “So… there won’t be any avoiding _some_ details getting out, will there? But you are going to be _very uncooperative_ with any investigation that might happen, aren’t you?”

Adam nodded hurriedly, too frightened by the threats that had been made to even pretend to resist any longer.

“You’re going to say you don’t remember anything… didn’t see anything… don’t know anything. No descriptions of me, or this place, or anything. You should thank me for the blindfold; it should help with that,” the man pointed out smugly before going on. “You will keep your mouth shut about everything that’s happened these past few days, as much as possible. And you will stay away from Kris Allen. He’s gonna be concerned at first. He’s gonna want to make sure you’re okay. He’s a _good friend_ , isn’t he, Adam?”

Adam nodded weakly, a dull ache building in his chest at the thought of how true those words were – how much he was going to have to give up to keep himself and Kris safe. He let out a silent, shuddering sob, fighting to keep silence, to keep that small additional satisfaction from the sadist tormenting him with cold, commanding words.

“But you’re going to shut him down, aren’t you? You’re going to shut him out completely. He’s not going to understand, and he’s going to try to figure out what’s wrong – but you’re not going to _let_ him figure it out – and you’re not going to let him in. Isn’t that right, Adam?” Adam hesitated, and the man grabbed him painfully, eliciting a choked cry of anguish from his trembling lips, as he leaned in closer, his voice seductively, deceptively soft in Adam’s ear.

“ _Isn’t. That. Right_?”

Adam hurriedly nodded, his shoulders shaking with sobs as he forced out a trembling, desolate whisper. “Yes… yes, I’ll… I’ll do w-whatever you say… please… just d-don’t… don’t hurt him…”

“Like I said, Adam,” the man murmured, running idle fingers through his hair in a parody of affection, “That’s up to you.”

A moment later, Adam felt the cool, hard sensation of the gun against his throat, and his stomach lurched with fear, his mouth going dry as he drew in a sharp gasp of alarm.

 _Was he lying? Was that all just a sadistic mind game, and he’s gonna kill me anyway, after all that?_

“If you try to fight me... if you try _anything_ … I will blow you away, right here, Adam. I’ll kill you. You gonna behave yourself?”

Adam nodded, swallowing hard despite his sore, abraded throat.

He was abruptly released, then a moment later stunned to feel his bound wrists being unfastened from the wall behind him, then unfastened from each other. He collapsed forward onto the floor, cradling his numb, sore arms against his chest as he gasped for breath.

“Take the blindfold off.”

Adam hesitated. A shivery sensation began in the pit of his stomach. Why did he want him to take the blindfold off?

 _If I see his face, there’s no way he’ll let me live…_

He felt the gun at his temple, heard the command issued again with chilling softness.

“Take it off, Adam.”

He had no choice but to obey, removing the blindfold with clumsy, shaking efforts, made more so by the hours of restricted blood flow. He braced himself for the gunshot blast he just _knew_ would follow the moment he saw his captor’s face, his heart racing, pounding in his ears so loudly that he thought he might pass out. He kept his eyes closed even after the blindfold was removed, trembling with dread.

“Look at me, Adam.”

He shook his head slightly, pleadingly, hardly recognizing the weak, trembling voice that issued from his own lips. “Please… d-don’t… don’t make me…”

“ _Look at me_.”

Knowing that he had no option but to obey, Adam finally looked up into the face of his captor – only to see that it was once again covered with the same ski mask he’d been wearing when Adam had been taken. Thin lips twisted into a vicious smile, and the man laughed as Adam nearly collapsed with relief, shaking violently with the release of some of his terror.

Something soft and a little heavy struck him in the side, and he glanced down to see his t-shirt and jeans wadded up beside him on the floor. His captor turned toward the door with slow, heavy steps. He issued a final order before closing the door behind him.

“Get dressed.”

*******************************

Kris sat in an armchair in the hotel lobby, his head resting wearily in his hands.

 

Larissa was leaning on the arm of the chair, rubbing slowly up and down his back in a soothing motion. They were surrounded by security, who’d accompanied them down here because the hotel room seemed too small, too stifling, and Kris just had to get out. Unfortunately, the lobby was as far as they would allow him to go.

 _They’re probably afraid if they leave me alone for long, I’ll take off…_

 _… and they wouldn’t necessarily be wrong._

 

Three tour dates had been cancelled already, and the concert scheduled for the following night, three hundred miles away, was supposed to go on as planned. Hours of coaxing and arguing had finally pushed Kris into agreeing to go on with the tour – but he had immediately felt terrible for giving in. He knew that he was accomplishing nothing by sitting here in a hotel room, waiting and doing nothing. There was little that he could physically do to help his friend, and they couldn’t just stay on in this town indefinitely.

Still, going on with the next show felt like the same thing as betraying Adam.

 

He had outwardly agreed to the plan. Still, when the buses pulled out in a few hours and made their way toward the next stop – Kris wasn’t quite certain that he was going to be on one of them.

 

 _I can’t just leave him… I_ can’t…

 

Even if he stayed, though, he didn’t know what he thought he could actually _do_. He didn’t want to think about the dreadful ideas that kept edging into his mind, but he couldn’t completely keep them out.

 _What if he’s_ never _found? What if it’s already too late to save him?_

“I’m so sorry, honey,” Larissa murmured, sliding her arm around him and leaning her head on his shoulder, as if she’d read the darkest of his thoughts.

Kris wished she wouldn’t try so hard to comfort him. All it accomplished was to make him feel worse. “I can’t…” he whispered, shaking his head. “I just… we can’t just… just _leave_ him here…”

“They’ll find him, sweetie,” Larissa insisted gently. “They’ll find him eventually…”

“No.” Kris shook his head again, looking up at her through wide, fearful eyes “No… they say if they don’t find a missing person within seventy-two hours… the chances of their being found at all are slim to none. It’s been… seventy- _five_ hours, Rissa. God, what if he’s… if he’s…”

A commotion near the entrance drew his attention before he could finish, as a heavy-set man burst through the doors, breathlessly exclaiming, “It’s Adam Lambert! It’s him, outside on the sidewalk! He needs help!”

Kris was out of the chair and out the door before the security personnel could either stop him or reach Adam themselves. A small crowd was beginning to gather, keeping a cautious distance from the crumpled figure on the sidewalk a few feet from the door. It was difficult to tell, with his clothes ragged and torn, his face and arms covered in blood and bruises – but Kris knew immediately.

It was Adam.

He rushed to his friend’s side, pushing through the crowd and falling to his knees beside him. Adam was half-kneeling, half-lying with his long legs folded awkwardly beneath him. His eyelids were fluttering weakly, as if he was struggling to remain conscious, and he tried to lift his head, groaning hoarsely with the painful effort.

 

“He shouldn’t move,” someone in the crowd called out anxiously. “He could have a spinal injury!”

 

Kris gently pushed Adam’s shoulder down with one hand, brushing back the dark, matted hair that fell across his eyes with the other.

 

“Shhh, it’s okay… just be still, okay? You’re gonna be okay…”

 

But Adam had stopped moving, his head lolling lifelessly against the sidewalk, and Kris’s heart clenched with panic. His hand tightened on Adam’s shoulder, and he resisted the urge to shake him, desperate for some sign of life.

“Adam? Adam, can you hear me?"


	5. Chapter 5

“Adam? _Adam_!”

Kris gently squeezed his friend’s shoulders, trying to get his attention without moving him too much, fighting off panic at his troubling condition. He nearly cried with relief when Adam let out a soft moan of distress, weakly trying to pull away from his friend’s restraining hands as he drifted back into consciousness.

 

“Shhh, no, Adam, don’t try to move, okay?” Kris urged him gently. “Don’t, you might hurt yourself. It’s okay, you’re safe, I’ve got you…”

 

Kris couldn’t seem to stop babbling out meaningless words of comfort as he knelt there on the street, surrounded by gawking onlookers as well as half of the Idol security team. None of the others mattered to him at the moment – only Adam. Kris ran shaking fingers through Adam’s hair, blinking back tears as his friend flinched at the touch. Without opening his eyes, Adam frowned, shaking his head, his hands barely rising from the sidewalk in a weak effort to escape, or defend himself, or… Kris couldn’t be sure what, exactly.

 

“You’re okay, Adam, you’re okay,” he murmured as he held him close. “I’m right here, you’re safe… you’re okay…”

 

Kris thought he might have been more convincing if he’d actually believed the words himself.

 

Just _looking_ at Adam made him want to cry. His face was badly bruised. There were places where the skin had broken on his lower lip and his right cheekbone. His arms were just as bad; every bit of exposed skin was covered in livid purple and dark, angry red. Kris watched in dismay as Adam’s tense, trembling body went slack, his head lolling alarmingly against the sidewalk.

 

“Adam? Adam, stay with me! Open your eyes!” Kris urged him frantically.

But Adam had already slipped into unconsciousness.

It was a scene of controlled chaos as two of the security guards gently but firmly pulled Kris away, moving in to kneel over Adam and check things like his pulse and breathing – things that Kris mentally berated himself for not having thought to check himself. They carefully drew his legs out from under him and laid him out straight on the sidewalk, while other guards formed a barrier between Adam and the crowd as best they could.

 

“Shouldn’t we get him inside?” Kris suggested in a trembling voice, eyeing the eager, curious onlookers with suspicion. “Is it safe out here?”

 

“Safer than moving him before we know more about his condition,” one of the guards answered him, placing a supportive hand on his shoulder. “It’s really best if we just wait for the paramedics. They’re on their way.”

 

To Kris, it felt like the paramedics took forever to arrive. While they waited, he was vaguely aware of the witness who had alerted them to Adam’s presence outside the hotel, standing a few feet away with one of the security personnel and describing the rather ordinary vehicle he had seen pull up to the curb and dump the singer’s listless, damaged body and then speed off before anyone could register exactly what had just happened.

Kris wasn’t paying close attention to that, too concerned with whether or not Adam was going to be okay; but some part of his mind registered that it would not be easy to locate the particular “black sedan” that had been involved, not without a license plate number or description of the driver.

Once the security guards had managed to get Adam as stable as possible, Kris crouched again beside him, reaching out to grasp Adam's limp, unresponsive hand. Kris's eyes welled with frustrated tears as he waited, wishing there was something more he could do to help his friend – wishing he even knew if he was going to be all right at all.

Kris barely noticed Larissa’s gentle touch on his shoulder from behind him. He glanced up at her distractedly only when he heard her quiet voice.

“See, baby? I told you everything would be fine.”

Kris stared up at her, somehow startled and disturbed by her words. He knew that she meant well, was only trying to help; but something about her simplistic statement didn’t feel right to him. Nothing was “fine” – nothing at all. She looked away under the power of his scrutinizing gaze, and after a long moment, Kris slowly returned his attention to Adam, swallowing hard.

A part of him was tremendously relieved that they had found him at all; but he couldn’t quite allow himself to enjoy that relief, not yet – not when they still had no idea how badly Adam was hurt, or in what way, or if he was even going to be okay. Larissa was wrong. He had no way of knowing yet if everything was going to be fine.

Although the wait felt like forever to Kris, the paramedics actually arrived within minutes of the call, and carefully loaded Adam onto a stretcher and into the waiting ambulance. Kris rushed to climb in beside him, and since they recognized him, and Adam had no family present at the moment, no one tried to stop him. Kris realized with alarm that no one had yet thought to call Adam’s family in their hotel room across town.

 

“Kris!” Larissa called out, catching up to him as he scrambled into the back of the ambulance.

“Rissa, call Adam’s parents!” he called back to her as the paramedics closed the ambulance doors, the siren came on, and the vehicle pulled out onto the street. “Follow us!”

Kris clung to Adam’s hand as the medical staff worked over him, making sure he remained stable for the duration of the ride. Kris blinked back tears, unable to look away from Adam's battered face, somehow so vulnerable and innocent, as marred and damaged as it was.

 _Who would do something like this? Why?_ he wondered with a hot rush of fury flooding his tightening chest. _What has he ever done to anyone?_

But that line of thinking did no good at the moment, he knew. Kris swallowed back an angry, frustrated sob that rose in his throat, gently squeezed Adam’s hand, and spoke to him in a hoarse, tearful voice, though he was almost certain Adam couldn’t hear him.

“You’re gonna be okay, Adam,” he whispered, though the words were more for his own benefit than for Adam’s. “I promise. You’re gonna be okay.”

********************************

Adam was vaguely aware, first of his battered body impacting against the unforgiving concrete of the sidewalk – then of a tumult of excited, agitated voices building all around him. He was confused, panicked when he felt firm hands grasping him, and tried to fight them off, though his body didn’t seem to want to respond to his brain’s commands. Frustration mingled with fear when he realized that he couldn’t move much at all, couldn’t even so much as push away his attackers.

And then, a familiar, warm voice filled him with overwhelming relief.

“Adam… Adam, can you hear me?”

 _Kris._

There was a vague recollection at the back of his mind that he should not allow himself to take comfort in Kris’s voice, his nearness, the sudden knowledge that the touch that had so frightened Adam at first was _his_. Worry made his heart rate accelerate as certainty filled his mind that the situation was terribly wrong. Something had changed, something vitally important that he couldn’t remember.

There was a reason why Kris shouldn’t be near him.

Before he could remember what that reason was, unconsciousness swept over him, stealing his half-formed thoughts and dragging him back down into the dark.

********************************

“… really should get some rest, baby. You’ve been here for nearly twenty-four hours.”

“I’ll get rest later. When he wakes up. When I… when I know he’s okay…”

The familiar voices drifted through the heavy fog of sleep as it began to dissipate, gradually less muffled, as if he was gradually rising from beneath a great depth of water. As the voices became clearer, Adam tried to open his eyes, squinting and then blinking against light that seemed far too bright.

“Adam?” Kris was immediately attentive and at his side. “He’s waking up!”

Adam looked in the direction of Kris’s voice, just as Kris cautiously sat down on the edge of his hospital bed. Larissa was seated in a chair beside the bed, quietly giving her boyfriend the space he needed to be near his friend. Adam knew it was safe, knew it was _Kris_ , but still flinched away from the warm, gentle touch on his arm. He immediately regretted it when he saw Kris's stunned look of dismay as he quickly withdrew his hand. A sense of dread flooded in as Adam remembered that he was going to have to see a lot more of that hurt, wounded look in the near future.

 

 _Oh, God… how am I going to do this? How can I possibly turn him away?_

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, Adam, did I hurt you? Do you need something? Are you okay? How are you feeling? Adam… can you talk?” Kris was babbling anxiously, dark eyes wide and uncertain as he studied Adam far too closely for his comfort.

Adam forced a half-smile to his lips, swallowing hard to wet his aching throat before croaking out a wry response. “If you’ll let me… get a word in.”

Kris let out a choked sound of relief that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I just… I’m so glad you’re awake… you’re okay… You _are_ okay, right? I mean… you’re not in any pain, or…?”

Adam shook his head, despite the fact that he was in pain. As whatever drugs had kept him unconscious had faded away, the pain of the repeated beatings and other torture he’d endured had returned. It was muted by the pain relievers that were still in his system, but it was there, a dull ache in the background of his thoughts. Still, there was no need to worry Kris anymore than he already was.

 _If he gets any_ more _freaked out, he’ll lose it completely…_

 _And if he has any idea how bad it really was… still is… and is going to be…_

“I’m fine,” he lied in a hoarse whisper, fake smile weak but in place. “I’m okay…”

“Adam…” Kris’s voice was softer, more intense, and Adam felt an uneasy sensation in the pit of his stomach, sensing that the conversation was about to move in a direction he didn’t wish it to go yet – or ever, for that matter. “What happened? Who did this to you?”

Adam swallowed hard, eyes downcast, unable to bring himself to meet Kris’s gaze – afraid of what he might find there.

 _How much does he know? How much are the doctors allowed to tell him? Does he know about…_ everything _that man did to me? Does he know that he…?_

“Adam?” Kris’s voice was patient and gentle, coaxing.

Adam wanted to tell him everything – but he knew that it would cost them both their lives. He struggled to focus on Kris’s question, carefully weighing his words to give him enough information to assuage his questions without really giving him any information at all.

“I… I didn’t know him. I… never saw his face.” Adam kept his voice low and quiet in a vain attempt to disguise its trembling.

Adam couldn’t bring himself to look at Kris – not knowing what he was about to have to do to him – but he could hear the concern in his voice, could clearly visualize the troubled frown he knew was on his friend’s face. “Did he… did he ever say… what he wanted. I mean… _why_?”

Suddenly, Adam wanted nothing more than to be alone – to not have to worry about having this difficult, awkwrd conversation in which he was going to be forced to lie to his best friend, to reject him and push him away just to save his life. He bit his lower lip, turning away, feeling a hot rush of self-conscious shame prickling on his skin. He couldn’t find words – at least not any that he was allowed to say. He just shook his head slowly, staring down at the white linens that covered his legs and lower torso.

Kris seemed to understand.

 _He always does…_

He tentatively touched Adam’s wrist, murmuring soothingly, “Hey, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it; you don’t have to think about any of that right now…”

But Adam knew he did. Adam knew he’d never _stop_ thinking about it. At the moment, he couldn’t seem to think of anything else. At Kris’s gentle, reassuring touch, he felt tears burning behind his eyelids, threatening to fall, which only increased his sense of embarrassment. He angrily swiped them away with a trembling hand, and Kris shifted in closer to him, earnestly seeking his gaze.

“Hey… Adam… look at me, man…”

Adam reluctantly complied, blinking away tears as he struggled to maintain his composure. Kris studied his expression closely with open affection and concern, as he stood up and moved a little closer to the head of the bed. He sat down carefully on the edge of it again and looked directly into Adam’s eyes as he reached out a steadying hand to rest at the back of Adam’s neck.

 

Adam felt something within him breaking all over again at the compassion and tenderness he saw on Kris’s face, the uncensored love with which he touched him and tried so hard to support him. He felt his every hope crumbling with the knowledge that what he needed so desperately, what was being offered so freely, was exactly the thing that he was going to have to utterly reject.

“It’s okay,” Kris assured him with a warm, encouraging smile, completely oblivious to what Adam was about to do to them. "You don’t have to talk about it. It’s all right…”

He hesitated just a moment, considering, before he cautiously leaned over and wrapped his arms gently around Adam’s shoulders. Adam felt a sharp ache in his chest as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to rest his head on Kris’s shoulder, acutely aware that this was the last time he would ever be this close to him. It was only natural that Kris would want to comfort him now, immediately following his ordeal; but Adam knew very well that as soon as he left this hospital, he would have to cut ties with Kris completely.

He had no idea how he was going to manage that – only that he _had_ to.

He didn’t realize how tightly he was holding onto Kris, didn’t realize that he’d returned his embrace at all, until he heard Kris whispering, “Shhh, it’s okay… I’m right here… I’m not going anywhere…”

 

 _Yes, you are… you don’t know it but you are…_

Adam awkwardly withdrew a little, opening his eyes to look over Kris’s shoulder as he sniffed back tears, trying to regain control. He blinked, his focus coming back to land on Larissa in the chair beside his bed. He froze at the sight, a cold certainty building within him as she stared back at him with an expression that sent a shiver of apprehension down his spine, a sick sensation like something dark and vile and ugly crawling over his skin.

 

She met Adam’s gaze without flinching or looking away. She was neither smiling, nor crying, nor betraying any emotion except one: absolute hatred.

And in an instant, beyond any shadow of doubt – Adam _knew_.


	6. Chapter 6

“Adam… if there’s anything you need, man. _Anything._ I am here for you, okay?” Kris promised, reaching up a gentle hand to push back a lock of dark hair that had fallen across Adam’s forehead.

 

His heart clenched inside when Adam flinched slightly, then grimaced, shaking his head in obvious embarrassment at his own reaction. Kris had never seen Adam like this – and he didn’t like it. His usually confident, unshakable friend was trembling in his arms, eyes wide and shell-shocked, flinching at every unexpected touch and fighting to keep from breaking down in tears.

 

Kris didn’t know the details of what had happened to Adam, and he wasn’t sure that he _wanted_ to know. But regardless of how difficult it would be, he was _willing_ to know it, if Adam wanted to tell him. He wanted to make sure Adam knew that no matter what happened, he didn’t have to go through this alone.

 

“You don’t have to talk about any of it, Adam,” Kris repeated gently, waiting until Adam met his eyes again to conclude, “But if you _do_ want to… I’m here, okay?”

 

Adam gave him a shaky nod in response, biting his lower lip uncertainly and looking away for a moment before he ventured to speak in an apologetic voice that wavered on the edge of a sob.

 

“Okay… um… could I just… be alone for a little bit? Please? I’m sorry, I just…”

 

“No, no, don’t apologize.” Kris was disappointed, but he kept his tone reassuring. “Whatever you need, Adam.” He rose from the bed, reaching down to give his friend one more brief hug before straightening again. “Um… your family is here. They’ve been here almost… the whole time…”

 

His voice trailed off slightly when he saw the startled, almost trapped expression on Adam’s face.

 

“You were sleeping, so they went down to get something to eat… I didn’t know if you knew they were here. Um… do you want me to… to tell them you’re awake?”

 

Adam hesitated, then gave a halting nod. “Yeah. But… in about an hour or so, okay? Please? I just need… I just need a little…”

 

“I get it.” Kris gave him an understanding smile. “Okay. I’ll come back later.” He hesitated before adding, “Everything’s going to be okay, all right? There’s a lot of people here who love you and are here for you. I want you to know that I’m on your side in this, Adam, no matter what.”

 

Adam held his gaze intently for a long moment, looking almost as if there was something he wanted to say. Then, abruptly, he looked away toward Larissa as she stood and approached Kris, silently placing her hand in his. It was a quiet signal reminding him that Adam had just asked him to go. Kris accepted it, leading his girlfriend to the door and leaving his best friend to his thoughts.

 

They were nearly to the waiting room when Larissa turned to face Kris, frowning.

 

“Oh, baby, I left my purse in the room. I’ll be right back, okay?”

 

Kris nodded, distant, his thoughts still focused on Adam and what he could do to help him, and how he was going to distract the Lamberts for the next hour or so, as he continued on toward the waiting area.

 

*******************************

 

Adam stared at the door through which Kris had left, hand in hand with Larissa, for a very long time, just trying to process the horrifying revelation that had struck him when his eyes had met hers.

 

Larissa _? Would she really…? God, Kris would be devastated… and… does she really hate me that much? Was I just imagining it? That hatred in her eyes? Maybe it didn’t mean what I thought it meant…_

But Adam couldn’t erase the image from his mind, the intensity of jealous, seething hate he had seen there. There was no trace of sympathy, or sorrow, even for Kris’s sake, on her face – none of the normal reactions he might have expected from someone with even a normal human compassion for what had happened to him.

 

 _Someone wants you out of the way, Adam… someone thinks you’re encroaching on their territory… wants the late night, intimate talks, the closeness between you two… to stop…_

 

No one outside their little circle even knew about such details of his relationship with Kris; and Adam highly doubted that any of their fellow Idols or the other tour staff would have any cause to orchestrate something like this. Larissa was the only logical conclusion.

 

 _No… I saw it on her face. She did this. I_ know _she did. And judging by the look she gave me when they left, she probably knows that I know, too..._

 

Adam had never really liked Larissa. Hearing Kris talk about his ex-fiance Katy and all that had transpired surrounding their breakup, it was not difficult to figure out that Kris was only with Larissa because she’d happened to be the one who was there and supportive and kind to him when he was in the midst of that painful breakup. Kris talked about Katy far more frequently and glowingly than Adam had ever heard him talk about Larissa.

 

The more he got to know her, the more Adam saw a side of her personality that she never really showed to Kris. She was petty and possessive, and often disliked people just because Kris showed that he cared about them. For his part, Kris always seemed to try to find the best in people, and never seemed to notice the darker side of his girlfriend’s personality – probably because she did a fairly good job of concealing it from him.

 

Nevertheless, Adam had known for a long time that the relationship would probably not last.

 

Kris probably knew, too; he just didn’t want to hurt Larissa.

 

 _But Larissa wants to hurt_ me…

 

Adam’s heart clenched with a cold, tightening panic as he tried to process the implications of this new knowledge. However, he hardly had time to do so before the door to his room opened again, and Larissa strode purposefully inside – alone. His stomach lurched as she gave him a falsely sweet smile and crossed the room to the seat she’d occupied a few minutes earlier, picking up her purse from beside it.

 

“Forgot this,” she explained unnecessarily.

 

Adam hardly dared to feel relieved, just nodding once in acknowledgement, his heart racing with sudden, inexplicable panic. He knew she was much smaller than him and could certainly do him very little physical damage. That was why she’d had to hire someone to do it for her. Still, knowing what she’d had done to him, he absolutely did not want to be alone with her. He wanted her _out, now_.

 

To his dismay, Larissa paused at the door, as if considering. Then, she slowly set down her purse before very deliberately locking the door and turning toward the bed, eyes narrowed and lips twisted into a cruel smirk.

 

 _Oh, God… if she knows that I know…_

 

Alarmed, Adam reached toward the hand held call button at his side, but Larissa was there, snatching it away from him before he could push the button. He flinched as she leaned in close to him, her face inches from his, and snarled venomously in his face, biting off the words with open disgust and hatred.

 

“You had better keep you _fucking_ mouth shut, Adam. If you think _this_ is bad, just imagine what could happen to you if you cross me again.”

 

Caught off guard by the unexpected attack, Adam struggled to find the words to respond, his eyes darting desperately between the door and the useless call button in her hand, out of his reach.

 

“You… y-you…”

 

She smiled coldly, eyes glittering with malicious satisfaction at the way his breath had quickened and he was unconsciously pressing back against the elevated mattress behind him. She lowered her voice, pressing one hand against the mattress to support herself as she edged in even nearer to his face, shaking her head slowly.

 

“You can’t prove anything. You have _nothing_ on me – not a shred of evidence to connect me to this. You can’t even identify the guy that did it.”

 

Adam’s voice was weak and trembling as he tried to argue. “The… the cops… I’ll tell them, and they’ll believe me… and Kris…” He hesitated, his voice carrying a note of desperate defiance when he added, “… you’re worried about keeping him _now_? He won’t want anything to do with you if…”

 

“Please,” she sneered, cutting him off with contempt in her voice. “You think Kris would believe such a crazy story? Especially about _me_? Everybody knows you’re jealous of me, Adam. You want Kris – and you can’t have him. Then, when something like this happens, and you’re all wounded and traumatized and emotionally unstable…” The false, exaggerated sympathy in her voice made him cringe away from her in shame. “… well, naturally, you’re going to latch onto the person you consider to be your enemy as the culprit. It only makes sense.” She laughed cruelly. “But there’s not a shred of actual evidence – so it must be all in your head, Adam. Any fool will be able to see _that_.”

 

Her voice lowered to a hushed, suggestive whisper, a nasty, smug smile on her lips. “No, no one will be able to prove anything. No one will believe you. If you say anything – to Kris, or anyone – I’ll make sure you look like you’re absolutely insane, Adam. No one will be on your side – _especially_ not Kris. And before you can find a way to back up your _ridiculous_ claims – you’ll find yourself back in that abandoned building… alone and chained up and helpless… with everything you’ve experienced over the last three days happening _over… and over… again_. I won’t be finished with you nearly so quickly next time. And when I _am_ – you’ll be dead.”

 

Adam shook his head slowly, eyes closed, trying desperately to shut out the horrifically vivid images her words called to his memory. She hadn’t touched him, hadn’t been there when he’d been tortured and brutalized; yet the knowing, derisive way in which she spoke of the entire affair, knowing that she was the one who had ordered the attack, and he was here alone with her, helpless to defend himself – it all made him feel as if he was being violated all over again.

 

He flinched when he felt her hand on the back of his head, drawing him closer to her so she could whisper in his ear. Each word was clear and deliberate, menacing in its very softness and control.

 

“If there’s one thing you should have learned from this, Adam, it’s this. Do _not. Fuck_ with me.”

 

Every muscle in his body was taut and trembling with fear, and his eyes were tightly closed, so he didn’t notice when she stood up straight again. He jumped when he felt something against his hand, then looked down with confusion to see the call button pressed into his grasp. Still smiling and smug, Larissa very deliberately pressed the button to call the nurse’s station, then met Adam’s startled gaze with her eyebrows raised in a challenge.

 

“What can I get for you, Mr. Lambert? Is everything all right?” The tinny voice over the small speaker in the side of the bed was polite and concerned.

 

Adam stared back at Larissa, swallowing slowly as he wrestled with his own fears.

 

 _She’s wrong, they’d believe me, they_ have _to believe me, she’s lying…_

 

His voice was quiet – defeated – as he answered with careful calm. “Yes, everything’s fine. I’m sorry, I accidentally hit the button.”

 

Larissa’s smile widened with satisfaction and she nodded once in silent approval, before turning to go, closing the door forcefully behind her.

 

As soon as she was gone, a violent tremor shook through Adam, a reaction to the relief of her leaving, and the dread that the entire encounter had inspired. He lowered his head to rest in his trembling hands, drawing in several deep draughts of air as he struggled to keep a suddenly overwhelming sense of panic at bay.

 

 _Can’t say anything… can’t tell anyone… no one would believe me, and she’d_ know _, and she’d call that guy, and he’d… he’d… God, she wouldn’t actually do that to_ Kris _, would she? But… if she thinks she can’t have him… if she thinks she’s going to lose him…_

Larissa had already proven herself to be willing to go to horrific lengths to defend what she thought was hers, and there was no way to predict just how dangerous she might be to Kris if he tried to leave her.

 

 _If I just keep quiet about it, and stay away from him…_

 

But Adam knew that even if he could manage to keep the secret, it would only protect Kris for a time. He had known for a long time that Larissa was not the one Kris would stay with for the long haul. Whether or not he found out about what she had done, eventually – Kris _would_ break up with her.

 

 _And what happens when he does?_


	7. Chapter 7

Adam was still trying to pull himself together when the door to his room opened again.

 

He jumped, staring up with wide-eyed alarm at the white-coated man who’d just entered, his heart hammering against his ribcage as fearful thoughts trickled through his mind like melting ice, making him break out in a cold sweat.

 

 _What if this is him? You don’t know what he looks like. Larissa’s the one who hired him. What if she managed to help him get past security and he’s here to finish you off? Oh God… no… no, don’t come any closer, please don’t…_

 

“Mr. Lambert? How are you feeling?” The minute the doctor opened his mouth, Adam began to relax at the sound of the blessedly unfamiliar voice, his shoulders shaking with relief as he rested his head in his trembling hands. Eyeing him closely with concern, the doctor approached him, frowning. “Are you all right?”

 

Adam raised his head, shaking it with a rueful grimace of embarrassment. “Yeah, yeah, I… I’m sorry. I just… panicked for a second there…”

 

The doctor nodded sympathetically as he sat down in the chair beside Adam’s bed. “It’s perfectly normal given the circumstances, Mr. Lambert.”

 

“Adam.” His voice was soft and hoarse, barely recognizable as his own, his eyes locked onto the thin blanket that covered him as he fidgeted nervously, twisting it distractedly between his finger and thumb and pulling off bits of the fuzzy fabric.

 

The doctor nodded, smiling slightly. “Adam. I’m Dr. Morris. The nurse informed me that you were awake. I was waiting until then to speak with you about… your condition.”

 

Adam nodded once, still looking away absently, struggling to focus on what the doctor was saying, and not the encounter he’d had only minutes before the doctor had come into the room.

 

“You’ve got a couple of cracked ribs, but other than that, nothing seems to be broken. A couple of the cuts on your torso required stitches, but besides that, most of your injuries seem to be of a… superficial nature,” the doctor explained.

 

Adam looked up sharply, his eyes filled with sad irony. “Superficial,” he echoed flatly.

 

Dr. Morris’s expression softened with understanding as he amended gently, “Your… _external_ injuries, yes. Most of them. I don’t think I have to tell you that we found evidence of… sexual assault. There were also stitches necessary to… to repair that damage, as well.”

 

Adam swallowed hard, his eyes wide as he struggled to maintain his composure, his face flaming with humiliation. He couldn’t make himself look at the man as he continued speaking softly.

 

“Naturally we have professional counselors here who would be happy to help you, if you want to talk to someone about what happened.” Adam did not respond, did not look up or indicate in any way that he was even still listening, but Dr. Morris continued quietly. “You need to know, however, that you don’t _have_ to tell anyone about it. This sort of information is legally protected and confidential. I can’t tell anyone – not a therapist, not your family, no one – without your consent. It’s completely up to you who you choose to know what happened. Do you understand?”

 

Adam nodded silently, feeling tears of relief spring to his eyes at those words.

 

 _So they don’t know… Kris, my parents, the others… no one knows… and no one’s_ going _to know…_

 

“The only exception to that is that… the police have to be informed.”

 

Adam looked up in alarm, panic swelling up in his chest until he felt like he couldn’t breathe as Dr. Morris went on about state law and mandatory reporters and impeding investigations already in progress and a dozen other things that meant nothing to him. He was still focused on the first statement the doctor had made.

 

“No,” he interrupted finally, his voice trembling and pleading. “No, you can’t report this! You can’t force me to press charges…”

 

The doctor’s expression was compassionate but troubled, as he cautiously agreed, “That’s true. But… you don’t have to press charges. The state will do that on their own. No one can force you to talk about it, to anyone – not even the police – if you don’t want to. No… charges, or anything of that nature, can be brought against you if you simply refuse to give a statement.” He hesitated, his voice gentler when he added, “But… I’d strongly advise _against_ refusing, Adam. You won’t feel safe again until the people responsible for this are no longer able to…”

 

“I don’t want you to tell my family.”

 

Dr. Morris was silent for a long moment, and the tension in the room following Adam’s quiet interruption was palpable. It was a clear dismissal, a none-too-subtle statement that Adam didn’t want to hear anymore about why he should report the brutal attack he’d endured. The doctor was obviously considering pushing the issue, but Adam stubbornly kept his gaze averted, his jaw set as he continued mutilating the blanket in his hand.

 

“Of course,” Dr. Morris agreed at last, a subtle note of defeat in his voice.

 

“You can… talk to them about… the other stuff,” Adam clarified, his voice low and he hoped steadier than he felt. “The… cracked ribs, and… and the other… _physical_ stuff. If they have any… questions, or whatever. Just… don’t tell them about…” Adam bit his lip, his brow furrowed in concentration as he struggled to maintain control, unable to bring himself to even speak the words aloud.

 

“Of course not,” Dr. Morris repeated gently. “I won’t say anything to anyone unless you ask me to. Except for the police. They’ll have access to your file if they need it, for the investigation. I’m sorry.”

 

Adam nodded shakily, his clenched teeth finally easing up on the inside of his lip when he tasted blood in his mouth. He swallowed slowly, closing his eyes as he whispered, “Okay. Just… can I wait, to talk to them? Can you… keep them away for… a few hours, anyway?” He finally looked up at the doctor seated beside him, desperation in his eyes. “Please?”

 

“All right,” Dr. Morris agreed. “I can stall them for a few hours, give you a chance to be alone with your family and… prepare yourself.” He rose to his feet, holding Adam’s gaze as he added firmly, “In the mean time, get some rest. And if you need _anything_ , Adam… let me know. We’re here to help you. I hope you know that.”

 

Adam nodded, looking away, feeling uncomfortable with the intent scrutiny with which the doctor was regarding him. He leaned back against the mattress behind him, reaching with a shaky hand for the button to make it recline. He closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing, tried to fight back the waves of nausea creeping up into his throat.

 

 _Rest_ , the doctor had said – but Adam knew he wouldn’t be able to do so anytime soon.

 

 _Maybe not ever again…_

 

******************************

 

True to his word, Kris waited a full hour from when he left Adam’s room to send his family in.

 

Adam was still not ready to face them.

 

He put on a brave smile when his father and brother walked through the door, forcing himself to meet their eyes in turn as they approached him. He remembered the numerous blows he’d taken to the face, wondering at how bad he must look. He hadn’t seen a mirror since he’d awakened – and he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

 

Adam braced himself as his brother moved toward him, automatically reaching to hug him; but he still couldn’t keep himself from flinching at the contact. Neil froze for a moment, eyes wide and stunned as he drew back.

 

“Sorry,” he mumbled, his gaze averted awkwardly. “Didn’t mean to…”

 

“No, it’s fine,” Adam reassured him with a forced smile, hoping he was at least somewhat convincing. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it…”

 

 _Stupid, pathetic little freak…_ The viciousness of his own thoughts did not match the welcoming tone of his words. _He’s your freakin’_ brother, _idiot. He’s not going to hurt you, so quit acting like a moron and just suck it up and deal with it…_

His dad wisely did not try to touch him as he took the seat Dr. Morris had vacated earlier, studying his son with concern. “How are you feeling? Are you all right?”

 

Adam had the feeling that he was going to get very sick of those two questions very, very fast.

 

He nodded, managing to meet his father’s eyes for a moment before looking away as he assured him, “I’m okay. I’m… sore, and banged up a little, but… but I’m gonna be fine… just give me a few days, and I’ll be…”

 

The lie died on his lips as the door opened again, and his mother walked through, carrying a large handbag and a tray of coffees. She froze just inside the doorway, staring at him in pained horror, and Adam got some idea of just how bad he must have looked. He forgot to maintain his brave façade, the smile falling away as his eyes locked with hers.

 

She set down the coffee tray and handbag without really looking at where she was placing them. Neil hurried to steady them before they spilled as she hurried to her son’s side, tears welling and falling from her eyes. She only spoke three words, but the depth of sorrow and love in them brought Adam’s defenses crashing to the ground, his own tears swelling up from deep inside him and his shoulders beginning to shake.

 

“Oh, my _baby_ …”

 

When she reached for him, Adam didn’t have to stop himself from pulling away. He wrapped his arms around her, desperately drawing her closer to him and burying his face against her side as she gently embraced him, one arm wrapped around his back, the other hand gently stroking through his hair. Adam drank in the comfort she offered, a broken word he hadn’t uttered in twenty years spilling from his lips with his tears.

 

“ _Mama_ …”

 

“Shhh,” she murmured, leaning on the edge of the bed for support as she pulled him closer. “It’s okay, sweetheart… it’s all right…”

 

Adam clung to her, all traces of his control vanished as deep, soundless sobs tore through him. He’d been trying so hard to keep it all inside, desperate to conceal the secrets to which he’d been cruelly sworn; but the moment she had looked at him, he’d felt the same safety and security, the same unconditional acceptance she’d always given him… and he’d _longed_ for it.

 

She was comfort, shelter, safety to him in a world that was suddenly utterly outside his control. He was lost and confused and didn’t have a clue what to do next, how to protect himself and the people he loved from the threat they didn’t even know existed – but he wasn’t alone anymore.

 

 _Maybe I could tell her… maybe she’d know what to do…_

 

Adam raised his head, tearful eyes searching his mother’s gaze as she looked down at him with a questioning expression on her tear-streaked face. She raised a gentle hand to stroke tenderly across his cheek, rubbing away a tear as she shook her head slightly.

 

“What, baby? What is it?”

 

He hesitated, wrestling with the decision, aching to tell her, to pour out the pain and horror and desperation of the past few days – but he knew that he couldn’t. He imagined how she’d react if he told her what had happened, and who was behind it; and he couldn’t pretend even for a moment that she’d be able to keep it to herself. No, Leila Lambert would almost certainly immediately take off in search of Larissa, and would likely try to take her head off – but she wouldn’t be able to before someone stopped her, before the law got in the way.

 

 _And then… then what would Larissa do? To me… to_ Kris?

 

“Adam? Sweetie?” his mother persisted softly, worry in her voice.

 

Adam swallowed, lowering his gaze, shaking his head. “Nothing. I just… I…”

 

A soft knock at the door spared him the trouble of finding an explanation, and he looked toward it, his heart lurching when he saw Kris standing in the doorway. Kris’s expression went from surprise to troubled concern when his eyes fell on Adam, and he saw his broken, emotional state.

 

“Hey,” he said, clearing his throat self-consciously. “I’m sorry, I just… I wanted to see if I can get you anything. If there’s anything you… need…” He hesitated, his eyes meeting Adam’s, the anxious affection there tearing at Adam’s heart with the knowledge of what he had to do. “Adam?” Kris cautiously persisted. “Are you…?”

 

“Yeah, um…” Adam cut him off, averting his gaze for a moment, steeling himself before meeting Kris’s eyes again, his own narrowed coldly. “I _need_ some time alone with my family, if you don’t mind.”

 

Kris flinched slightly, his soft brown eyes liquid with hurt, and Adam called his years of acting into practice as he forced himself not to give any reaction beyond a slight, expectant raising of his eyebrows, as if impatiently waiting for Kris to leave.

 

“O-okay,” Kris nodded at last, looking away, his face flushed with embarrassment. “I’m sorry. Just… if you need anything…”

 

“Uh-huh,” Adam cut him off again curtly, rolling his eyes. “Just go, okay? I know where to find you.”

 

The dismissal couldn’t have been any clearer.

 

Kris’s jaw worked with some repressed emotion as he nodded shakily in acceptance, mumbling, “Okay,” before slipping out and closing the door behind him.

 

Adam looked up at his mother again, who was frowning at him in confusion, glancing at the door before searching his face again. Unwilling for her to find what she sought, Adam looked down, fighting back fresh tears of despair. As Kris left, Adam knew that he was taking a part of him with him – a part that he would never be able to get back – and in breaking Kris’s heart with his words, he was shattering what was left of his own.

 

But he didn’t have a choice.

 

 _I’m sorry, Kris… I’m so, so sorry..._


	8. Chapter 8

“What’s the matter, sweetie?”

 

Kris didn’t look up, closing his eyes in irrational irritation at the sound of Larissa’s voice.

 

He wasn’t really sure why he felt so agitated by her concern. Her primary concern seemed to be for _his_ well-being rather than Adam’s in all this, and that bothered him a little – but wasn’t that sort of her job, as his girlfriend? She was only trying to help. He knew it wasn’t fair to take his frustration and hurt out on her.

 

He opened his eyes and looked up at her with a weak, half-hearted smile, reaching out to take her hand as she reached him and sat down beside him. He knew what was _really_ troubling him, and it didn’t have anything to do with Larissa. It wasn’t _he_ r fault that Adam had rejected his attempts at comfort and sent him away.

 

 _But he didn’t… not at first…_

 

Kris frowned in confusion as he remembered the way Adam had gratefully received his hug when they’d first talked in his hospital room – the desperation with which Adam had clung to him, as if he was afraid to let go. He had been afraid to put his arms around his friend, but then Adam had just held on to him so tightly, pressing his face against Kris’s neck as if he wanted nothing more than just to hide there forever.

 

 _He wanted me there with him then… I know he did. I know I didn’t imagine that. So why the cold shoulder barely an hour later?_

“Kris?”

 

Larissa’s timid voice drew his attention, reminding him that she had asked him a question that he had yet to answer. Kris forced himself to focus on her and squeezed her hand reassuringly, shaking his head as he reluctantly met her gaze.

 

“It’s nothing. Probably nothing. I… I don’t know.” He sighed, running his free hand down over his face in a gesture of weary frustration. “It’s just… Adam. He… he’s acting weird.”

 

Larissa frowned, gently stroking the back of Kris’s hand with her thumb in an automatic soothing motion. “Weird, how?”

 

Kris shook his head, at a loss. “Like he… I don’t know… like he doesn’t want me around, or something.” He let out a sheepish, nearly silent laugh. “I know that’s stupid. This isn’t _about_ me. I know his family’s here, and he probably needs some time alone with them, and I shouldn’t be getting all over-sensitive when _Adam’s_ the one who’s hurting, and _whatever_ he needs, I should just be happy to give it to him, even if it’s for me to go away, but _something’s_ obviously not right, and I just…”

 

At that point he literally ran out of air and took in a deep, shaky breath, running a trembling hand through his hair before meeting Larissa’s eyes again. His voice was heartbreakingly uncertain when he softly spoke again, searching her gaze for some sign, some answer to the myriad questions that filled his mind.

 

“I don’t get it. Did I do something wrong?”

 

“Oh, no, sweetie, no, I’m sure you didn’t.” Larissa leaned in closer to him, rubbing his back slowly, soothingly with her free hand. “It’s just that his family is just getting to talk to him for the first time, and I’m sure he needs a little time with the people closest to him to help him deal with everything he’s been through.”

 

Kris looked up sharply, stung by the subtle insinuation in her words – that he might not be among said “closest” to Adam. Larissa worried her lower lip with her teeth, her brow furrowed in immediate regret for the careless words.

 

“I mean,” she backtracked quickly, “I know you two are really close and all… but… really, you’ve only known each other for less than a year, and family… well, family is _family_ , you know? That’s who most people would want to turn to in a situation like this.” She hesitated before continuing, “Besides… we both know how… how Adam feels about you. He probably… doesn’t want you to see him like this. If he’s pushing you away… that’s probably why.”

 

Kris felt a sick, uneasy sensation in the pit of his stomach as he processed her words, and their less obvious implications. There was something in her tone – some hint of… disapproval? displeasure? – that troubled him, though he couldn’t quite put his finger on exactly what it was.

 

The thing that he recognized as more distinctly troubling, however, was the suggestion implicit in her comment that Adam’s feelings for him might get in the way of the close friendship they had developed – that Adam’s crush might prevent him from wanting to allow Kris to see his weakness and vulnerability.

 

 _Yeah, right. Like I haven’t seen it, and he hasn’t seen mine, a dozen times before…_

 

During their time in the Idol mansion, Kris had lost count of the number of times he had gone to Adam for support when he was freaking out about a song choice, or a fight with Larissa, or some troubling situation back home. Likewise, Adam had gradually begun to open up to him as well, confiding in him about fears and insecurities that Kris had been amazed to discover even existed.

 

When Adam had made his declaration in Rolling Stone, not only about his sexuality, but more specifically about his feelings for Kris, Kris was open with Adam immediately about what he thought about it, and quick to make sure he understood that it didn’t change anything between them. In return, Adam was very open and honest with him about the way he felt, and it had led to a lengthy, intimate conversation that had only served to strengthen their bond.

 

Throughout the course of their friendship, their utter honesty with each other had only served to deepen that friendship rather than to tear it apart.

 

 _And if Rissa knows me at all, she should know better than to think anything else. Where has she_ been _for the last eight months?_

 

Kris had no idea why Adam had been so cold with him earlier. All he knew was that Adam was hurting – as evidenced by the tears that had streaked his face when last Kris had seen him – and he wanted nothing more than to help him through the ordeal he was experiencing. At the moment, however, Adam’s reaction had left him feeling useless and unwanted, lost and unsure of what to do next.

 

“Kris?”

 

Kris looked up, then rose to his feet when he saw who had spoken his name. Adam’s mother was making her way down the hallway toward the waiting area where he and Larissa sat. As she reached them, he took her hand in his, covering it with the other hand and gently shaking it.

 

“There you are,” Leila Lambert sighed with relief. “I’ve been wanting to speak to you…”

 

“Mrs. Lambert… how is he?” Kris asked, his voice trembling and uncertain.

 

She had told him on several occasions to call her Leila, but Kris couldn’t seem to get past the manners he’d acquired from his Southern upbringing. He had always referred to the parents of his friends as “Mr” and “Mrs” out of respect, and it was a difficult habit to break.

 

At the moment, Leila was far too distracted to correct him on such a minor issue.

 

“He’s… fragile, right now,” she replied. “I… I don’t know…” Her voice trailed off and she shook her head, her eyes troubled and uncertain.

 

“You said you were looking for me?” Kris couldn’t keep the hopeful note from his voice. “Does he want to see me?”

 

A sympathetic grimace passed across Leila’s face as she shook her head again. “I’m sorry, no, sweetie.” She frowned in obvious confusion. “But… I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t. You’re his best friend, Kris. When he calls home, you’re practically all he talks about.”

 

She glanced a bit self-consciously toward Larissa as she spoke, as if remembering herself a moment too late, and Kris felt his face heat with awkward embarrassement as he realized how that comment might sound to his girlfriend, who was well aware of Adam’s feelings for him. Leila continued, however, not allowing enough time to dwell on the slightly uncomfortable topic.

 

“I’m sorry, Kris. I’m sorry he spoke to you the way he did, and I can’t imagine why he would,” she said. “I’m sure he didn’t mean…”

 

“It doesn’t matter.” Kris waved a dismissive hand, shaking his head. “I only care that he’s all right. That’s all I want to know. But… but if he won’t talk to me…” His brow creased in worry as he met Leila’s eyes again, a new concern occurring to him. “Is he alone right now? He shouldn’t be…”

 

“He’s talking to the police.” Leila seemed troubled by the question as she answered. “He… he asked us to leave the room so he could speak with them.” She paused, her voice small and a little scared as she posed a thoughtful question, as much to herself as to Kris. “What would he have to tell them that he couldn’t tell _me_? I asked him to tell me what happened, but he won’t really give me any straight answers. Everything he says is very vague. He says he can’t remember anything – how many there were, what they said, voices, looks, _anything_ – and I know he has to remember _something_. If he didn’t, why would he have asked me to leave?”

 

Kris was as confused as she was by Adam’s behavior, but strangely, selfishly reassured by the fact that Adam’s mother was noticing the same worrying things that he was noticing.

 

 _If he’s shutting_ her _out, too… then maybe it’s not just me… maybe it’s…_

“Trauma?” he suggested aloud, his tone distant and thoughtful. “He’s been through so much. Maybe he’s blocked most of it out…”

 

“No, I don’t think so.” Leila shook her head, dismissing that idea. “There’s something… _off_ … about the way he’s acting.” She raised her pensive gaze to meet Kris’s eyes, a solemn intensity in her own. “My son has never lied to me, Kris. We’ve always been able to talk about everything. That’s why…” She took a deep breath, struggling over the words. “… that’s why I know he’s lying now. I don’t know why, or what it is that he’s trying to cover up, but… but I know Adam remembers more than he’s telling me. There’s some part of the picture we’re not getting here.”

 

“Maybe Kris is right,” Larissa spoke up hesitantly. “People sometimes react very strangely to trauma. Everyone is different. Maybe this is just his way of coping with…”

 

“No, I know my son.” Leila cut her off without any hostility, just a firm certainty in her voice. “And I know that something is very wrong here.” She turned her attention toward Kris, taking a step closer to him and reaching out to take his hand, drawing his focus completely onto her.

 

“Adam might be pushing you away for some reason that we can only guess at… but in the end, I have the feeling that he’s really going to need you, Kris. You may be the only one he’s comfortable enough with to really open up whenever the time comes that he feels ready to do so.” She swallowed hard, struggling for control of her emotions, her eyes welling with tears as she continued in a soft, slightly pleading voice. “Please forgive his behavior. I know he’s trying really hard right now – but please don’t _let_ him push you away.”

 

Kris studied her expression for a long moment, taking in the love and desperate determination that he felt himself, reassured by the knowledge that they had a common goal in this nightmarish situation – helping Adam. That was the priority, no matter how difficult he was trying to make it, or how much it hurt.

 

 _Nothing else matters…_

 

“I won’t, Mrs. Lambert,” Kris assured her, holding her gaze intently, a promise in his own as he silently willed her to see how much he meant it. “I promise, I won’t."


	9. Chapter 9

“I don’t remember.”

 

The male officer let out an impatient sigh in response to the three words that Adam had already repeated several times in the course of this rather fruitless conversation. “Okay… how many of them were there?”

 

“I don’t remember that, either. I was blindfolded.”

 

“You don’t remember how many _voices_ you heard? Care to hazard a guess?”

 

Adam flinched slightly at the harsh irritation in the man’s voice, looking away and biting his lower lip. He knew he probably wasn’t being very convincing. It was difficult to keep his focus for long enough to keep up a convincing act at the moment, with his thoughts and emotions so scattered and broken.

 

 _Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t have to be convincing. They can’t force you to say anything._

 

His voice was soft, listless, as he repeated the words once again.

 

“I don’t remember.”

 

The male officer cursed under his breath, his frustration evident, and Adam tensed involuntarily, suddenly feeling sick with an irrational yet overwhelming sense of fear. The cop was a pretty big guy, definitely his size or bigger, and Adam’s stubborn resistance was obviously angering him.

 

 _He’s a cop. You’re a victim. He’s not allowed to touch you. Get over it, you wuss._

 

“Okay…” The other police officer was a woman with short, dark hair and a gentle, disarming warmth in her eyes. “Let’s just… go back to the beginning, okay, Adam? What do you remember about the guy who was supposed to take you to your bus? What did he look like? Try to focus for a minute and see if you can remember.”

 

Adam knew that they had to at least know about the fake security guard who’d tricked him into going out into the alley alone. Kris must have told them that much – which meant they probably already had a pretty accurate physical description of the guy.

 

That didn’t matter.

 

They weren’t going to get any new information out of _him_.

 

“I didn’t get a good look at the guy,” Adam replied flatly without looking at either of the officers. “I don’t remember anything about him.”

 

The male officer grumbled, but his partner persisted gently. “Okay, then. What about the car? Did you get a look at it before you were blindfolded?”

 

“No.”

 

“Damn it, kid!” The man exploded, throwing up his hands in frustration. “You’re not making our jobs any easier!”

 

“Yeah, and that’s my first concern right now!” Adam shot back, defiant though his voice was trembling. “Making _your_ lives easier.”

 

“We are _trying_ to _help_ you!”

 

The man didn’t take more than a single step toward him, and there was nothing overtly threatening in the gesture. Yet, inexplicably, it instantly filled Adam’s mind with memories of a very different place filled with pain and terror and utter helplessness… memories of a voice that, despite the lies he was telling the police, he remembered very clearly.

 

 _You will_ answer _me when I speak to you, you little shit! Do you understand me? You think you’re special?_ Better _? I’ll show you just exactly what you’re_ good _for…_

“Hey… easy… easy, Adam, we’re not going to hurt you…”

 

The female voice, clearly not a part of his memory, drew Adam from his thoughts, and he looked up at her through wide, panicked eyes. He gradually became aware that his breath had quickened until he was nearly panting, his hands clenched tightly in the blanket that covered him as his back pressed against the bed behind him.

 

“It’s okay,” she repeated with gentle concern in her voice. “It’s okay, Adam.”

 

Defensively angry at the vulnerability he’d just accidentally displayed, Adam glared at her, spitting out his words with quiet venom. “What is this: good cop, bad cop? He does the dirty work and then you come in and pretend to be all caring and concerned, and that’s supposed to make me just break down and open up and pour out all my secrets?” He let out a soft, scoffing sound. “Good luck with that.”

 

“No.” She gave him a smile that was half-amused, half-apologetic. “He’s just an idiot. Besides… we only do that to the bad guys.” Her smile faded, her expression becoming serious and intent as she clarified gently, “You’re not the bad guy, Adam.”

 

Against his will, Adam was struck by the genuine compassion in her voice. He thought of Kris’s expression of hurt and confusion as he’d left his room earlier, however, and wished that he could be so convinced that her words were true. He looked away, suddenly self-conscious, blinking away the tears that stung his eyes. Without shifting her intent gaze from Adam’s face, the female officer addressed her partner.

 

“Harris, I’ve got this one, okay? Why don’t you wait in the hall and let us talk?”

 

Harris seemed reluctant, but it was obvious that he wasn’t going to get anywhere with Adam, so he complied, shutting the door a little harder than necessary behind him.

 

“Adam…” She sat down in the chair beside his bed, leaning in so that her face was only a few feet from his. “… we can’t force you – _wouldn’t_ force you – to talk about this…”

 

“ _He_ would.”

 

She nodded once, conceding his point. “He’s just frustrated. We want to catch these guys – this guy – whoever did this to you – because we want to be sure they can’t hurt you or anyone else, ever again. And we can’t do that if you won’t tell us anything. If there’s anything you remember – anything at all – that you can tell me, then maybe we can put your attackers behind bars… and you’ll be able to feel safe again.”

 

 _Never going to happen…_

 

“Adam…” Her voice was soft and patient, leading, and she waited until he reluctantly met her eyes to go on. “… we can’t help you if you won’t let us.”

 

He held her gaze for a long moment, noting the genuine concern that seemed to be there. It only served to make him feel worse than ever about not being able to tell what he knew. This woman was just trying to do her job – which at the moment happened to be trying to protect _him_ – and he had no choice but to resist her efforts.

 

He swallowed slowly, his mouth dry and his throat sore from his lingering illness as much as from the screams during his prolonged period of torment. His eyes welled with tears as he shook his head and spoke in a bleak, desolate voice barely over a whisper.

 

“You can’t help me anyway.”

 

She tried again to convince him that they _could_ help him, that it was in everyone’s best interest if he simply told her what he remembered – but Adam knew better than that. He just sat there, waiting her out – miserable, defeated, tears streaking his face as he stubbornly kept his mouth shut. There was another reason for his silence, however, besides indicating his continued refusal.

 

He wasn’t sure he’d be able to speak without sobbing.

 

Eventually, the officer gave up – for the moment, anyway – leaving her card on the table beside the bed and gently instructing him to call her if he “remembered anything”, before quietly leaving the room.

 

She was barely out the door when Adam broke down, covering his face with a trembling hand as his shoulders shook with the aching sobs he’d been struggling to hold back. His thoughts and emotions swirled around him, so wild and out of control that he couldn’t grasp any one of them, couldn’t make sense of what he was thinking or feeling.

 

He was desperately relieved to have been left alone – and yet terrified to _be_ alone. He wanted to be held and comforted and reassured; and yet never wanted to be touched again. He was furious at Kris for allowing the monster that Larissa had proven to be to enter their lives – and yet desperate to protect him from that very evil.

 

If only he knew how.

 

He jumped when he felt soft arms slide around him, his stomach lurching with instantaneous panic, but his fears subsided at the hushed murmur of his mother’s voice, the barest brush of her lips against his hair. He was still sobbing, so lost in his own broken emotions that he hadn’t even heard her come into the room.

 

“Shhh,” she whispered. “It’s okay, baby… it’s okay…”

 

He rested his head against her shoulder, suddenly feeling just so _tired_ , so utterly exhausted that he couldn’t seem to support his own weight anymore. She held him close as he collapsed against her, his soft sobs dying away as he clung to the reassurance she offered – even if it wasn’t real.

 

Even if it was nothing more than the illusion of safety.

 

Keeping one arm wrapped around her son, Leila lowered the railing at the side of the bed so that she could sit down on the edge of it, then swung her legs up onto the mattress beside Adam so that she could lean back against the mattress and cradle him close in her arms. He gratefully accepted her embrace, gradually going quiet as she just lay there with him, gently stroking her fingers through his hair in a gesture of comfort as old as the very first mother and child.

 

After a long period of weighted though not uncomfortable silence, she finally spoke, her voice hushed and tender, seeking. “Adam… baby… what are you keeping from me?”

 

He closed his eyes, burying his face against her as if he could hide there, shaking his head slowly in desperate refusal. Gently but firmly, she placed a hand under his chin, tilting his head up in an attempt to make him face her. He tried to pull away, but she was insistent, sitting up a little and pushing his shoulders back so that he had to sit up, too.

 

“Adam… sweetie, look at me…”

 

He couldn’t.

 

The police had access to his medical files, and knew all about the gruesome details of what had been done to him. As far as Larissa and his unidentified attacker were concerned, the exact nature of the attack was not something that had to be kept secret. Therefore, it was not fear of retaliation that kept Adam silent on that topic, but a very different emotion entirely.

 

Shame.

 

Adam felt hot and trapped and claustrophobic, nauseated and breaking out into a cold sweat at the very idea of his mother finding out about the ways in which he’d been violated and degraded. He couldn’t stand to think of the way she would look at him, the things she would think, if she knew about the things that had been done to him.

 

She had forced him to raise his head, but she couldn’t make him open his eyes, and he refused to look at her, still shaking his head in desperate, pleading denial. Still, Leila persisted, sensing that there was some deep, awful trauma that Adam was still keeping to himself – and that he wouldn’t be able to begin to heal until he had allowed himself to face it.

 

“Adam,” she murmured, stroking the backs of her fingers gently down the side of his face. “Sweetie, what can’t you tell _me_? You could tell the police, but you couldn’t tell me?” She paused, genuine hurt in her voice as she whispered, “Don’t you trust me?”

 

At those words, Adam looked up, his red-rimmed eyes wide and stricken. “Of course I do,” he replied without hesitation, aghast that she could even suggest otherwise. “It’s not… I mean… I didn’t… didn’t _tell_ them _anything_. They… they already… they _knew_ …”

 

It was purely a subconscious reaction that his gaze flickered momentarily toward the slot at the foot of his bed where his chart was stored – but that brief reaction was more than enough to let Leila know that the answers to her questions might be found in that chart. Her lips tightened into a determined line, and she started to rise from the bed.

 

Panicked when he realized what she was doing, Adam clung to her, holding her back, his voice rushed and breathless and pleading as he stammered out, “No, no, Mom, don’t, don’t look at it, I don’t want you to, please, _please_ don’t look at it, _don’t_ …!”

 

Leila froze, horrified by the intensity of his reaction, her intent thwarted by the broken, pleading desperation in his voice rather than by his shaking hands that clutched at her sleeves, frantic to keep her there with him – and nowhere near his chart. She gently touched his cheek again, guiding his face up, searching his eyes for some explanation.

 

“Adam…” she whispered, shaking her head slightly in horrified disbelief as he abruptly looked away, his face flaming with heat as he bowed his head, closing his eyes, trying to shut out her scrutiny. “… what’s happened to you? What did they do to you, baby?”

 

He still refused to tell her, shaking his head, clinging to the fabric of her blouse as if he was still afraid she might try to get away and get to his chart. His whispered response confirmed that suspicion for her, as he pleaded in a hoarse, broken whisper, sounding almost as if he was five years old again.

 

“Don’t look at it, Mom… please don’t look at it… please don’t…”

 

Leila’s chest felt as if it was slowly filling up with icy water, her mind rebelling against the sudden understanding slipping in between the questions that flooded her mind. Her son – _My beautiful, confident, amazing son… oh, my_ baby _!_ – was broken, falling apart before her eyes, terrified and confused and _ashamed…_

 _And, oh God, why should he feel ashamed when he didn’t do anything? When_ they’re _the ones who hurt_ him _? Why do the police have access to his medical charts? What might be in that chart that he’d keep from me? There’s only one reason… only one thing… oh, God, please, no, please don’t let them have done_ that _to my baby! Please, no…_

“Mom, don’t…” Adam was sobbing softly against her, holding onto her, his shoulders quaking with his tears. “Please, don’t… please don’t read it…”

 

“Shhh, no, sweetheart, I won’t… I won’t,” she promised softly, settling back down on the bed and drawing him close to her again. “I promise, Adam… I won’t… it’s okay… shhh, it’s okay, baby…”

 

His sobs seemed to intensify with his relief, and she just held him, trying to soothe his fears. “It’s all right, sweetheart,” she murmured. “It’s all right…”

 

When he finally seemed calmer, she once again raised his head to face her, holding his gaze as she stated softly, “Adam… you know that you can tell me anything… but you don’t _have_ to tell me _everything_.” She paused, biting her lip in hesitation before adding with quiet passion, desperate for him to feel the intensity with which she meant her words.

 

“I _love you_ , Adam… no matter what happened. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing that happened to you was your fault, and none of it could ever make me love you any less or see you any differently. Please, sweetheart, you have to believe that. _I love you_.”

 

Adam stared up at her, his eyes brimming with fresh tears, his lips parted as if to speak. He closed his mouth, then opened it again, visibly warring with the decision. He swallowed hard, struggling to maintain some semblance of composure, his voice barely over a breath when he finally managed to speak.

 

“Mom… he…” He hesitated, his strength of will seeming to fail him for a moment before he managed to summon it again. “He…”

 

Once again, his voice trailed off, defeated by his humiliation and shame. Despite his intentions, Adam couldn’t bring himself to voice the words aloud.

 

He didn’t have to.

 

As much as she had hoped that it was only the darkest part of her imagination, there was no denying the agonizing truth in her son's eyes. Her heart breaking into pieces with the knowledge of what her child had suffered, Leila wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in close and allowing him to hide his face as she cradled his head protectively against her shoulder.

 

“I know, baby,” she whispered through the tears that streaked her face. “You don’t have to say anything. I know…"


	10. Chapter 10

As Adam gradually regained control of his emotions, a sort of quiet numbness began to creep over his body and mind, making him feel drained and exhausted. He closed his burning, tired eyes, taking comfort in the warm presence of his mother’s arms around him, her soft voice murmuring comfort into the stillness of the room.

 

He couldn’t believe he’d ever thought he’d be able to keep the truth from her.

 

She simply knew him too well.

 

There was a measure of relief in the knowledge that his shameful secret was known to someone besides himself, someone who loved him and accepted him regardless of what had been done to him. And yet, there was an even greater measure of shame at the thought of what she must be thinking, how she must see him now – as a weak, pathetic victim… a fragile, breakable child who couldn’t defend himself. Despite the fact that she _knew_ , he still couldn’t bring himself to tell her about it directly.

 

He couldn’t even bring himself to look her in the eye.

 

After a few minutes had passed, he cleared his throat a bit awkwardly, sitting up a little to face her, though he kept his gaze focused on the white patch of sheet on the bed between them. He might not be able to face the thought of giving her the answers to her unspoken questions; but he still knew that she deserved them.

 

His voice was hoarse, halting, and he barely recognized it as his own. “You can… you can read the chart. If you want to.”

 

The feel of her slow, gentle caress through his damp hair was soothing, lulling him into a hazy trance-like state where he was _almost_ able to shut out the darkness of his thoughts and memories – _almost_. She pulled his head back down to rest on her shoulder, drawing him closer to her with a protective arm around his waist before speaking in a cautious, tentative voice.

 

“That’s okay, sweetheart. I don’t need to read it. I’d… I’d like to talk to your doctor, though. If that’s all right with you.”

 

He considered it for a moment before nodding once, swallowing hard. “That’s fine.”

 

Leila reached for the call button, and told the nurse that they needed to see Adam’s doctor as soon as he was free. After that, they fell into a state of sad but comfortable silence, and Adam even allowed himself to drift off to sleep for a little while, taking solace in his mother’s love and reassurance. It was only about fifteen minutes before the doctor came in, and even in his distracted state, Adam knew enough to know that it was unusual for a doctor in a hospital the size of this one to be so easily accessible.

 

 _One of the perks of being a celebrity, I guess. They’ve probably cleared his case load so that I’m his only patient at the moment._

Adam reluctantly sat up as the doctor approached his bedside, looking up and nodding in greeting, but not quite meeting the other man’s eyes. The doctor gave him a warm smile, returning his nod, and spoke in a gentle, courteous voice.

 

“How are you, Adam? What can I do for you?”

 

“Have you met my mother?” Adam gestured toward Leila by way of introduction, and the doctor extended a hand for hers, introducing himself briefly. “She, um… she wants to know about… my condition, and… and I told her… you can tell her.” Adam looked up to meet the doctor’s eyes for just a moment, that brief look telling him all he needed to know, as Adam added in a meaningful tone, “You can tell her _anything_ she wants to know, all right? Whatever questions she has…”

 

The doctor nodded slowly in understanding. “Of course. Would you like to speak in private, Mrs. Lambert? We can go down the hall to my office.”

 

Leila glanced uncertainly toward her son, who nodded his approval, venturing a weak smile to show her that he really was okay with the arrangement. She was anxious about leaving him alone, but Adam was less worried about being alone at the moment than he was about the humiliation of having his case discussed with his mother in front of him. He was fairly certain the doctor knew that, and that was why he’d suggested that he talk with Leila in his office.

 

“Go on,” Adam urged her softly, nodding. “It’s fine.”

 

“Are you sure, honey?” Leila hesitated, frowning with concern. “I can stay until you’re asleep…”

 

“I’m not tired,” Adam reassured her, his smile gaining a little strength with his determination to put her at ease. He even managed to look up into her warm, worried eyes as he repeated, “It’s fine. Go.”

 

She was reluctant to comply, but she finally did so, giving him one last hug and pressing a tender kiss to his temple before rising from the bed and accompanying the doctor out of the room.

 

******************************

 

Kris was sitting in one of several chairs that lined the hall outside Adam’s room, his head resting in his hands.

 

There was plenty of activity surrounding him, as Idol security staff and others associated with the tour milled about the area, talking in hushed, secretive tones, and hospital staff did their best to work around them, rather than ordering them to clear the area as they probably would have done to anyone else.

 

After all, it wasn’t every day that a genuine celebrity was admitted to their care.

 

The other Idols had all been in and out several times over the last day that Adam had spent in the hospital, each of them wanting to see their friend for themselves and know that he was okay. They had all been turned away, however, told that Adam was resting and wasn’t seeing any visitors besides his immediate family.

 

Kris knew that it was unreasonable, but a part of him felt that “immediate family” should include him.

 

He hadn’t left the hospital for a moment since Adam had been admitted.

 

He looked up anxiously as the door to Adam’s room opened, and Leila Lambert stepped out into the hall with Adam’s doctor. Alarm sparked through Kris’s mind at the sight of her red-rimmed eyes – evidence of recent tears – and the sobered, worried expression on her face.

 

 _Is there bad news? Is Adam gonna be okay?_

 

He didn’t want to disturb her by voicing the questions aloud – not that he had time to, anyway, before she had disappeared down the hall, out of earshot. Kris felt Larissa’s hand coming to rest on his, but was barely aware of it, his thoughts consumed with Adam, and making sure that he was okay.

 

Without thinking about what he was doing, he rose to his feet and started toward the door to Adam’s room. Larissa caught his hand, rising to her feet as well but pulling him back toward her.

 

“Baby… what are you doing?” she asked, shaking her head with a sympathetically warning expression on her face. “He told you…”

 

“He told me that he wanted to be alone with his family,” Kris finished for her, turning to face her impatiently before taking another couple of steps toward Adam’s room, necessarily dragging her along with him. “His family’s not in there now. He’s alone.” He paused, biting his lip anxiously for a moment before continuing thoughtfully, more to himself than to her. “Maybe I’ve read this whole thing wrong. Maybe he isn’t mad at me or whatever, and really did just need some time with his mom. I need to talk to him…”

 

“Kris, wait!”

 

Larissa tried again to pull him back, but Kris twisted his hand out of her grasp and stepped between the two security guards to softly knock on the door. Neither of the men tried to stop him. They were well aware of the close friendship between the two Idols, and had not been around when Adam had kicked Kris out of his room before. They knew of no reason why Kris shouldn’t visit Adam if he wanted to.

 

When there was no response to his knock, Kris tentatively pushed the door open and slipped inside, holding his breath in fearful anticipation of his friend’s reaction to his presence.

 

“Can I, uh… can I come in?”

 

Kris’s stomach lurched at the troubled look of unhappy surprise on Adam’s face when he saw who had entered his room, but he did his best to ignore it for the moment. He needed to talk to Adam, to find out what was going on. Adam frowned slightly, his eyes wary and guarded as he remarked in a flat, vaguely sarcastic tone.

 

“It’s a little late to ask, isn’t it?”

 

Kris pushed the door firmly but gently shut behind him, then leaned back with his hands pressed against it, instinctively giving Adam as much distance as possible. He felt sick with uncertainty and confusion, unusually self-conscious and uncomfortable with the person who had become his very best friend. He decided that there was no way to ease into the conversation he wanted to have, and it was best to simply come straight to the point.

 

“Are you mad at me?”

 

Adam blinked in surprise and was quiet for a moment before he rolled his eyes and snapped, “You know, not everything is about you, Kris Allen.”

 

Kris winced at those words, echoes of his own thoughts since Adam’s earlier rejection. He knew that he shouldn’t be worrying about whether or not he and Adam were okay, not when Adam was the one who was hurt – but he couldn’t help feeling what he felt, and he couldn’t help Adam at all if Adam wouldn’t let Kris come near him.

 

“I know,” he mumbled, feeling embarrassed and selfish and self-conscious, his eyes locked onto the floor at his feet. “I’m sorry. I just… I thought…”

 

“No, I know,” Adam relented with a weary sigh, rolling his eyes again, this time at himself. “I’m just… tired, okay? I just need… I need some space to… you know, think, and…”

 

Kris drew in a deep breath, letting it out shakily as he steeled himself to say what he needed to say. He blinked back the hot tears that rose to his eyes, his voice thick with sorrow and regret and guilt as he interrupted in a soft, earnest voice.

 

“I’m so sorry, Adam.”

 

*****************************

 

Adam’s rambling, awkward explanations, meant to send Kris on his way without hurting him any more deeply, trailed off in confusion at Kris’s quiet, pleading words. He’d tried to be harder with his friend, to cut him off without pity, but the hurt in Kris’s eyes at his sharp, dismissive words was more than Adam could stand. In the wake of his own cruelty, Kris’s apology seemed starkly out of place.

 

“You’re… _what_?” He shook his head, bewildered.

 

“I’m sorry,” Kris repeated, sad, dark eyes meeting Adam’s with tenderness and regret as he moved slowly nearer to the bed. “I know it doesn’t mean anything right now – doesn’t change anything – and it’s nowhere good enough, but – but I am _so sorry_ I let this happen to you, Adam.”

 

“What? _No_!” Adam forgot that he was supposed to be choosing his words to sting, to drive Kris away, in his shock at the conclusions Kris had evidently drawn. This was not in any way Kris’s fault, and he couldn’t stand to let Kris continue to believe that it was. “You didn’t do anything, Kris. This isn’t your fault…”

 

“Sure it is.” There was a quiet certainty in Kris’s voice, along with a depth of regret that made Adam’s chest ache with sorrow and pain that Kris should feel it. “I’m the one who sent you off with that guy – that fake security guard – to go to the bus. I didn’t even think to check to see if he was really security. I just _assumed_ …”

 

“He was dressed just like all the other security. _Anyone_ would have assumed,” Adam cut him off, firm and insistent. “Kris, do _not_ blame yourself for this. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

Kris was standing next to the bed now, his eyes downcast and sad. He looked up to meet Adam’s gaze, reaching out a tentative hand to grasp Adam’s in an unashamed display of the affection he felt for him. His lips parted and he hesitated a moment before speaking, his voice low and trembling and thick with tears.

 

“I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

 

Adam felt his throat tighten with impending tears at the sincere tenderness and love he heard in Kris’s voice, and he shook his head slightly, closing his eyes in an instinctive desire to shut it out. He couldn’t let himself accept that from Kris, couldn’t let himself feel it – not now when he was supposed to be driving Kris away.

 

 _Tell him not to touch you… tell him to get out… tell him you never want to see him again…_

 

He opened his mouth to speak, looking up at Kris with guarded eyes – but found that he couldn’t force the words out. Kris’s smaller hand around his, his thumb stroking slowly over his wrist, felt so good and soothing and _safe_ that Adam couldn’t bring himself to reject it.

 

 _But you_ have _to… you have to make him leave. If you don’t make him leave,_ she will _, and you can’t let that happen to him…_

 

“Adam… _what_?”

 

Adam opened his eyes to see that Kris was staring down at him in confusion, brow furrowed over dark, searching eyes. His conflict must have been evident on his face, because Kris shook his head slowly, a pleading expression in his eyes as he spoke again in that soft, pleading voice that Adam was finding so difficult to resist.

 

“Please, Adam. I’m just trying to be here for you. Please… don’t shut me out.”

 

Adam made himself look away from that deep, penetrating gaze, swallowing hard and steeling himself to do what he had to do.

 

 _She’ll kill him. Remember that. She’ll_ kill _him if you don’t make him go._

“Look, I’m… I’m just really very tired, Kris,” he insisted in a soft, flat voice that left little room for argument, his eyes focused downward to avoid Kris’s scrutiny. “I just need… some space…”

 

“Adam, please don’t…”

 

Kris’s voice was so sad, so defeated, that it tore at Adam’s heart, making him ache to relent, though he knew he couldn’t. Adam abruptly cut him off, the words coming out in a rush, a note of desperation in his sharp, impatient voice – because he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold out.

 

“Kris, could you just go?”

 

Adam felt the immediate loss of Kris’s hand on his, felt the few extra inches of space between them as Kris stepped backward, like an acute ache deeper than any of the physical pain he was in. A sense of cold despair crept in around his heart, and he could feel the hurt and confusion radiating off of Kris as if it was his own. Still, he did not relent. He knew he couldn’t, for Kris’s own good, no matter how bad it hurt.

 

No matter how much it was _killing_ him inside.

 

And still, Kris was lingering, as if still hoping for some reprieve, that Adam might somehow change his mind. Each second dragged out into an eternity of torment, and Adam was afraid that a single one more might break his resolve. His voice was trembling, weak and desperate as he ventured one last time.

 

“Kris… _please_.”

 

Kris hesitated just a moment more, and in that moment, Adam knew he couldn’t keep this up, couldn’t keep hurting him like this. His lips parted to take it all back, to tell Kris he was sorry and to beg him to stay, his heart sinking with despair because he knew what he was risking to do so.

 

But when he looked up, Kris was already silently walking away.

 

Adam bit his lip to silence himself, watching as the door closed quietly behind him, and waiting until then to allow his tears to fall.


	11. Chapter 11

Dr. Peter Brighton expected several different things from Leila Lambert when he told her the full truth of what he knew about what Adam had gone through: tears, cursing, denial – total emotional breakdown.

 

What he didn’t expect was the calm, steady composure with which she regarded him as he sat down behind his desk, across from her. Her gaze was level and piercing, searching out the answers to her questions in his eyes as she spoke in a quiet, even voice.

 

“What happened to my son, Dr. Brighton?”

 

He suddenly felt very self-conscious, a little uncomfortable under the power of her scrutiny. He swallowed hard, looking away for a moment before meeting her gaze and taking a deep breath.

 

“You know that Adam was… very severely beaten. He has three cracked ribs, extensive bruising, as well as various… cuts, and… first and second degree burns. He was…” He hesitated over the next word.

 

Leila didn’t. “Tortured,” she stated, her voice cold though her eyes were smoldering with protective rage. “My son was tortured, Dr. Brighton. I’m aware of that.” She paused before adding, a little softer, “I also know there’s more to what happened than that. Adam couldn’t tell me, but… I know. I just need you to… to confirm what I already know. To say the words out loud.”

 

Dr. Brighton hesitated, bracing himself for the explosion of pain he knew would follow his words. Despite how difficult it would be for her to hear, he knew that Leila Lambert deserved to hear the truth. His voice was low and apologetic as he slowly stated the answer he wished he didn’t have to give her.

 

“Mrs. Lambert, Adam was... Adam was raped.”

 

He was quiet, watching with concern for her reaction, but Leila barely flinched, her jaw set with determination and strength as she waited for him to go on.

 

“From what I could tell during my examination,” the doctor continued cautiously, his eyes never leaving hers, “more than once. There was… extensive physical damage, which we had to surgically repair. He’s in a lot of pain, and… naturally, deeply traumatized. He’s going to need… therapy, counseling, possibly medication…”

 

Leila nodded slowly, eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I knew. He didn’t tell me, but… I knew.” She paused, her tone pensive when she went on. “He wouldn’t let his own brother touch him when we got here.”

 

“He tried to cover it up, but he was terrified when I came into his room,” Dr. Brighton confirmed with a grim nod of his own. “It was almost as if he… he thought I was one of his attackers.” He hesitated before observing quietly. “I think it’s very likely that he never actually saw the faces of the kidnappers – perhaps they kept him blindfolded – so that he might have actually have believed that to be the case – especially considering that he seemed to calm down when I spoke to him.”

 

The hard edge returned to Leila’s eyes at the reminder of the brutality and degradation that had been inflicted upon her son. When she spoke, again, it was in a cool, restrained tone that was almost a little frightening, “Has he told you anything at all about… about the men who did this to him? Any details at all about what happened?” She shook her head, a note of despair in her words as she confessed, “I can’t get him to talk to me. He needs to… to get this out, if only for his own… his own _healing_ … but also, so we can find the monsters who did this and make sure that they pay for it.”

 

“No, I’m sorry,” Dr. Brighton replied, shaking his head apologetically. “He hasn’t told anyone anything about the entire ordeal, I’m afraid. I can’t be sure without his opening up about it a little, but it seems to me that Adam is probably keeping silent out of a fear of retaliation. They probably… threatened him – told him not to tell anyone, or go to the police, or…or they’d hurt someone he loves, or come after him again. It’s really… terribly common in these cases.”

 

Leila was quiet for a moment, taking in those words, and Dr. Brighton wondered – not for the first time in the course of this conversation – whether or not he’d perhaps said too much. When she finally replied, her voice was calm and controlled, almost frighteningly soft, but carrying a certainty that left no doubt in his mind as to how deeply she meant her words.

 

“If those animals try to _touch_ Adam again, there’ll be no need to go to the police.” She rose to her feet, picking up her handbag and putting it over her shoulder, meeting the doctor’s eyes again as she stated calmly, “In fact, they’d better hope the police find them before I do.”

 

*******************************

 

It took every ounce of strength Kris possessed to respect Adam’s wishes and turn and walk away when he asked him to.

 

He knew there was something Adam was keeping from him, some reason why he was pushing him away, though he couldn’t begin to guess at what it might be. Adam hadn’t pulled away from Kris when he’d reached out to touch him; in fact, Kris knew he had not imagined the desperation and longing in Adam’s eyes in that moment. For just an instant, Kris had felt relief, reassured that Adam wanted his friendship and support just as badly as Kris wanted to give it to him.

 

And then, Adam had pulled away – and the illusion had shattered into shards of painful reality.

 

Adam had asked him – no, _begged_ him – to leave.

 

And the broken tears that had filled his eyes as he’d done it had broken Kris’s heart as well. All he wanted was to support his best friend through what was probably the worst ordeal of his entire life; and Adam wouldn’t let him near, wouldn’t let him in – wouldn’t let him so much as touch him for more than a few seconds.

 

 _But why? He’s not mad at me. He said he doesn’t blame me for what happened. So why doesn’t he want me near him? I just don’t understand…_

 

“No! Surely they didn’t… _no_ …”

 

The sound of Danny’s shocked, outraged voice drew Kris’s attention, and he looked up as he reached the waiting area where Adam’s family and colleagues had been camping out since he’d been admitted. During the few brief minutes he’d spent in Adam’s room, Michael, Matt, and Danny had shown up and joined Larissa, who was seated in a secluded corner of the room. As Kris approached, he heard Michael add his own protest to whatever had just been said.

 

“No, that’s not… that’s… no. No, that can’t be it.”

 

Kris frowned, troubled by the tremor of horror in Michael’s voice. Larissa looked up when she saw him coming, and Danny and Michael both looked away, a little guiltily, as if embarrassed to be caught discussing whatever it was they were discussing. Matt was just staring at Larissa, eyes wide with dismay and disbelief.

 

“Hey, baby,” Larissa began, her tone uneasy as she rose to give him a quick peck on the cheek and a reassuring hug. “How is he?”

 

“Fine,” Kris replied automatically, not really thinking about the question or his answer, glancing warily between the faces of the little group before allowing his gaze to settle on the last to speak – Michael. “ _What_ can’t be it? Can’t be _what_? What are you guys talking about?”

 

Put on the spot, Michael looked desperately around at the others, but found none of them willing to come to his aid. He cleared his throat, looking downward for a moment before venturing reluctantly to answer Kris’s question. His obvious unease began a sick quiver in the pit of Kris’s stomach, as he wondered what could be so horrible that it would provoke such a reaction among his friends.

 

It was far worse than he could have imagined.

 

“We just… well, Larissa was just saying… she thinks… maybe Adam was…” Michael’s voice trailed off, and he shook his head. “I can’t…”

 

“What?” Kris snapped, his voice trembling as he took a step nearer to Michael and the others, shrugging out of Larissa’s hand on his arm before giving her a wary, accusing look. “Maybe Adam was what? What are you saying?”

 

“Raped.”

 

Kris flinched as if from a blow, turning wide, stunned eyes on Danny, who had spoken up when no one else seemed willing to answer Kris’s demanding questions. He swallowed hard, holding Kris’s gaze, his own somber and troubled as he clarified unnecessarily.

 

“She said she thinks that Adam was… probably raped.”

 

Kris shook his head slowly in horrified denial, before looking toward Larissa in disbelief.

 

“He was wherever they had him for _three days_ , Kris,” Larissa hurriedly spoke up, an unmistakably defensive note to her voice. “They didn’t want money; they didn’t make any demands or do anything to draw media attention toward themselves. What do you think they wanted with him?”

 

“ _No_!” Kris fairly exploded, jerking away when Larissa moved toward him “No, there’s no way! That did _not_ happen!”

 

“I was talking to Neil earlier,” Matt finally spoke up, his voice soft and stricken, as if he was barely processing his own words as he spoke them. “He said… he said Adam wouldn’t even let him hug him when they went in his room.”

 

“And… he doesn’t want _you_ to get close, either, does he? Hasn’t let any of the other guys in to see him at all,” Larissa pointed out, her tone gentle and sympathetic, her eyes troubled and earnest as she cautiously reached out to touch Kris’s arm. “Baby, I’m not trying to be gross or insensitive or whatever… I’m just saying… he’s _so_ traumatized, Kris. He’s scared of everyone, and so secretive and… and I just think… if we think about it, we all already know what must have happened.”

 

Kris was silent, struggling to process the evidence Larissa had just presented for her suggestion, while his mind rebelled violently against the very idea. He couldn’t even fathom the idea of Adam – strong, bold, confident Adam – being so utterly degraded and victimized. The sick feeling in the pit of his stomach intensified, and he swallowed back the bile that rose in his throat. His voice was hushed, barely over a whisper, as he finally responded to his girlfriend’s words.

 

“You… you really think that’s what happened.”

 

Larissa nodded sadly, meeting his eyes with sorrow and sympathy as she moved in close to him, placing her hands on his arm in a supportive gesture. “I do.”

 

“Then…” Kris stared at her for a long moment, studying her expression before abruptly pulling away, taking a step backward and shaking his head. “… you disgust me.”

 

“Kris… _what_?” Larissa gasped in bewildered dismay. “Why would you…?”

 

“So… you come up with this… twisted, sick idea of what happened to him… and you _really think_ that’s what he’s dealing with… that’s why he’s being secretive and keeping everything to himself,” Kris began, his voice carefully controlled, barely betraying the slowly smoldering rage building beneath his words. “And your response to that is to _tell everyone you know_?”

 

“Kris… no, I didn’t…”

 

“No, just all the guys he has to be around every day. Just all the people he’s been trying to hide it from.” Kris’s lips twisted into a grimace as he slowly shook his head in disgusted disbelief. “Are you _trying_ to humiliate him?”

 

“No!” Larissa insisted, her voice trembling with fear and confusion. “Kris… I just thought… if that’s what happened, then we should know what we’re dealing with…”

 

“No, we should _know_ whatever _Adam decides_ that we should know!” Kris countered, raising his voice enough that several strangers in the waiting room directed their attention toward the tense little group gathered in the corner. “If he wants to keep _whatever_ happened to him a secret, then that’s _his choice_!”

 

Kris stepped past a nearly frantic Larissa to face Matt, Danny, and Michael, meeting each of their eyes in turn in an intent, warning gaze as he pointed a finger toward them and declared in a tone of inarguable authority, “This stops right here. Until Adam _says_ it happened, it _didn’t_ happen. All right? The last thing Adam needs is for this _crap_ to get back to him – or anyone else. Understood?”

 

The guys all nodded their acceptance, quiet and subdued, unwilling to further anger Kris when he was already in a far more volatile state than any of them had ever seen him. Having secured their agreement, Kris turned on his heel to leave the room. Larissa caught his arm, trying to pull him back.

 

“Kris, wait a second!” she cried, desperate.

 

“Don’t touch me.” Kris jerked away from her, giving her a resentful glare. He hesitated a moment, shaking his head before he added a bewildered question to which he didn’t really expect an answer. “How _dare_ you? How dare you do this to him?”

 

He left her standing there behind him, having no response. He stalked down the hall toward the nearest restroom, where he locked himself into the nearest stall and immediately collapsed over the toilet, heaving up the remnants of his last meal, while trying to shut out the painful, horrifying thoughts that filled his mind.

 

 _What if she’s right? Oh, God, what if she’s right?_


	12. Chapter 12

Once he managed to pull himself together again, Kris made his way out of the bathroom. As he passed through the waiting room, his friends cast anxious looks in his direction. Larissa started toward him as if to plead her case again, but Kris held up a halting hand, shaking his head, his jaw set in stubborn refusal to deal with her.

 

He had more important matters to deal with at the moment.

 

He gave a rapid, cursory knock on Adam’s door before opening it and walking in, closing the door firmly behind him. Adam was still alone, and looked up at Kris in wary surprise, an unspoken question in his wide, impossibly blue eyes. Kris found himself instantly softening at the unmasked fear and vulnerability he saw there, in that brief instant before Adam had time to guard it.

 

His voice was weary and a little impatient when he finally spoke. “Kris… what are you doing? I told you…”

 

“Just… give me a second.” Kris softly cut him off, holding up a hand for silence, his pensive gaze focused somewhere just beyond Adam as he struggled to gather his thoughts. “I have to talk to you. You don’t have to say anything afterwards, and I’ll just go away when I’m done, but… I have something I need to say, and I need to know that you’ve heard it.”

 

Adam’s lips were already parted to protest Kris’s presence in the room, but he slowly closed his mouth, his eyes troubled and uncertain, waiting in silence for Kris to go on.

 

“I… I know you don’t want me here. I… don’t have any idea why.” Kris swallowed hard, visibly struggling with his emotions. “But whatever you need, that’s what I want you to have right now. If you need me gone, fine. And I’m not saying that spitefully. I mean it. I am _fine_ with whatever you need.” Kris met Adam’s eyes earnestly, willing him to see his sincerity as he continued in a trembling voice. “But… if you change your mind. If you decide later on that you do want to… to talk to me, or… or anything… you can.”

 

Adam blinked in surprise, visibly taken aback by the naked devotion in Kris’s words and expression.

 

“I’m going to give you your… space, or whatever, but… I’m not going far. I don’t want you to think for a second that I’m… mad, or… or would… turn you away. I wouldn’t ever. If you change your mind, no matter how much later… I’ll still be here. I just… needed you to know that.”

 

Without waiting for a response, Kris nodded once to punctuate his words, then turned and opened the door to leave again.

 

“Kris… wait…”

 

Kris froze in the doorway, his heart racing, a knot in his throat, barely daring to hope. He slowly turned to face Adam again, biting his lower lip, gazing up at his friend through lowered, guarded eyes. Adam was silent for so long that Kris began to wonder if he was going to speak at all; and when he did, his voice was hoarse, halting, thick with unshed tears.

 

“I _can’t_ … change my mind… about this…” Adam hesitated, eyes wide and downcast, blinking back tears. “I… I _can’t_. But… thank you…” He looked up, meeting Kris’s eyes with an intent, vulnerable gaze, revealing for just an instant how desperately he wanted to say so much more. “Thank you.”

 

Kris studied his expression, trying to read the dark mysteries Adam was trying so hard to conceal, before Adam broke his gaze, looking down at the bed – making it perfectly clear that Kris was no longer needed here – dismissed. Kris nodded in silent response before turning and slipping out the door.

 

Over the course of the next few days, as Adam began to recover, Kris stayed at the hospital, wanting to make sure he knew about any improvements or other changes in Adam’s condition; but he didn’t go back to Adam’s room. His mind was constantly in torment, wrestling with the dark questions raised by Larissa’s suggestions. He hoped desperately that it wasn’t true, that Adam hadn’t been subjected to such a level of abuse and degradation – but the horrific idea made too much sense to be dismissed entirely.

 

He knew that whatever had happened to Adam, Leila Lambert probably held the answers that he desperately wanted.

 

He respected Adam’s privacy far too much to ask.

 

Danny, Michael, Matt, and the other Idols all remained close to the hospital, taking their turns waiting with Kris. Those who had heard Larissa’s theories never mentioned them to Kris again. Larissa herself stayed close to Kris, but timidly kept her distance, afraid to try to explain herself again.

 

She had tried, once, immediately after Kris’s final conversation with Adam, but Kris had dismissed her coldly.

 

“Leave me alone,” he’d ordered in a quiet, detached voice. “Every time you talk to me about this, it just makes me angrier.”

 

No one thought that the tension in the waiting room could have risen any higher – until a couple of Idol producers showed up. Kris watched them with resentment as they spoke with the doctors, then with Adam’s family, and finally made their way into his room, accompanied by a very grudging, reluctant Leila Lambert.

 

Kris felt a rush of protective resentment as he silently watched them, having no doubt as to why they were there.

 

 _They don’t care about Adam. They just want to know what’s going to happen to their precious tour. Screw the tour. All that matters is that he’s safe… that he gets better… but to them, all that matters is what they can get from him…_

 _They’re no better than the guys that did this to him._

 

*******************************

 

By the time the producers left Adam’s room, he was shaking violently, a wreck, overwhelmed with the weight of the expectations upon him – and Leila was in the midst of a quietly seething rage.

 

“Adam, sweetie, you don’t have to do this,” she declared, ceasing her frenetic pacing at his side to meet his eyes as she reached out and gently grasped his trembling hand. “No matter what they say, they can’t force you to continue the tour. No contract on earth would stand up under circumstances like this.”

 

Adam’s voice was soft and slightly distracted. “I know.”

 

“No one would blame you, baby,” Leila insisted, her voice softening as her thumb gently caressed the back of his hand, held up in hers so that it was near the level of his face. “If you want to just… just come home, for a while… you know you can. You know I’d be happy to have you there with me again. You know – for _more_ than just a couple of weeks.”

 

The plan that Adam had just agreed to allowed him to go home for a couple of weeks following his release from the hospital in a few days, during which time his time would be completely his own. Ideally, it would allow him the freedom to come to terms with what had happened to him, to steady and prepare himself before finishing the rest of the tour. The other Idols would go home as well, to spend time with their families and deal with their own reactions to what had happened.

 

The shows that had already been missed, and would be missed during the coming weeks, would be rescheduled and added on to the end of the tour.

 

Adam closed his eyes, leaning his brow against his and his mother’s joined hands, breathing deeply and taking comfort from the simple contact. He was bone tired – physically, emotionally, mentally – and wasn’t sure he could deal with the pressure that seemed to be closing in on him. The idea of simply going home to his mother’s house and allowing her to take care of him for an indefinite period of time was unbelievably appealing.

 

And yet – he knew that it wouldn’t work.

 

He _knew_ on a deep, instinctive level that he couldn’t give up and run away from this; it would find him wherever he tried to hide. He had to keep going – had to find a way to get back some of the power and confidence that had been stolen from him. He thought back to the last place he could remember feeling safe and complete and strong – and he desperately needed to feel that way again.

 

He had to get back on that stage.

 

 _Maybe if I can get back there… maybe if I can perform again… I can get back to normal… things can be like they were before…_ before…

 

 _But if I can’t… if they’ve taken_ that _from me… then they’ve taken everything._

 

 _Then I’ll_ never _be okay again._

He couldn’t put it into words, but he knew that his mother would get it. He knew that she only wanted to protect him, to help him recover from this nightmare – but he also knew that she’d understand why he couldn’t let her.

 

“Mom,” he whispered, shaking his head slowly against the back of her hand. “I need this. I know it seems… seems like too much, but… please trust me. I _know_ that this is what I need.”

 

Leila slowly sank down into the chair beside his bed, raising her free hand to cup his cheek and gently push him back so that she could meet his eyes. Both their faces were streaked with tears, their eyes red-rimmed and unguarded, their emotions laid bare before each other. She studied his expression for a long moment, trying to understand what he was telling her – and finally coming to the conclusion she sought.

 

“Okay, sweetheart,” she murmured, pressing a tender kiss to his brow before drawing back to brush his loose, disheveled hair back from his face. “If this is what you need, you know I’m behind you all the way. But… you can always come back home… and I’ll fight tooth and nail against anyone who tries to stand in your way.”

 

Her words brought an affectionate smile to Adam’s face, even through his tears, and he let out a soft, shaky laugh. “Haven’t you always?”

 

She laughed with him, drawing him into her arms and holding him close, her hand sliding slowly, soothingly, up and down his back, still shaking with silent laughter. Although there was no sound, no difference in the motion, Leila knew instantly when that laughter changed to tears, and wordlessly tightened her embrace, rocking slowly back and forth. She raised one hand to cup the back of Adam’s head, pressing his face into the crook of her neck and whispering soothing shushing sounds into his ear.

 

“I love you, baby,” she whispered at last, kissing his temple. “And I’m right with you through this… all of this… any time you need me.”

 

“I know…”

 

Adam whispered, clinging to her with a desperation that came of knowing that despite her promise, he _wouldn’t_ have her with him forever. As much as he knew that he needed to go back on tour, needed the release that came with pouring his everything into a song, Adam knew that when the tour resumed…

 

… he would be utterly alone.

 

Worse than alone, because he would be within sight, within touching distance, of his very best friend – and yet he would be always just out of reach.


	13. Chapter 13

Home had never seemed so sweet to Adam as when he first arrived there with his family after leaving the hospital. His mother was utterly attentive, attuned to his every need, always quietly ready in case he was feeling particularly vulnerable, or scared, or just needed to talk.

 

Adam’s father and brother were equally concerned, but not as comfortable as Leila. They hovered awkwardly, unsure of what to do, or how to react to this damaged, broken version of the confident young man they knew. Neither of them tried to get him to talk about what had happened.

 

Adam had a feeling that they already knew.

 

The quiet was peaceful and welcome at first, a change of pace not only from life on Idol and the subsequent tour, but also from his typical whirlwind pace in LA before going on Idol. He was used to constantly working, going, doing, with little time to himself. It was nice to have the time to simply sit and think.

 

At least – it should have been.

 

Too bad the things Adam had to think about were not exactly comforting or reassuring.

 

His days were filled with worries and doubts about the coming tour, and what lay beyond it, and whether or not he’d be able to deal with it – not to mention the more frightening thoughts of what might happen if he couldn’t keep Larissa convinced that he was no threat to her relationship with Kris. Adam couldn’t tell Kris the truth, and he couldn’t turn her in, because of her unidentified accomplice who would still remain a threat; but until something happened to stop her, neither he nor Kris would be safe.

 

 _And how can I keep going… how can I move on… when I know that it’s not really over?_

 

He lay in bed many nights, awake, staring at the ceiling in the dark, trying to make himself remember that they couldn’t touch him here, that he was safe, that the security he’d hired to guard his home between now and the tour would make sure that no one could get to him.

 

 _Except they probably could if they wanted to… and I’m not safe, am I? She got to the security at the last place. How can I be sure that she hasn’t paid off someone on my security staff now?_

 

He didn’t even realize he’d fallen asleep until he woke up hours later, troubled by the overwhelming sensation that he was not alone. There was someone in his room, lurking in the darkness. He sat up, drawing back against the headboard, pulling the covers up around him and staring into the black, sick with fear at what he could not see.

 

Icy fingers crept along his skin, and he began to shake as the malevolent presence he felt took shape before him. A dark, faceless form hovered inches away from him, and cold strong hands that he could feel but not see closed around his neck, choking off his breath. He fought, panicked, but couldn’t get a grip on the hands gripping him as he was dragged from his bed and slammed into the wall beside it.

 

“Shhh…” The sadistically mirthful voice was the only aspect of his attacker that he recognized. “… don’t say a word… or I’ll kill your family, too…”

 

Adam broke down, sobbing, pleading, as the faceless monster began tearing at his clothes. He struggled uselessly to escape as he was ruthlessly violated again, screaming out words that echoed in his mind, but never escaped his lips.

 

 _No, no, stop, don’t_ touch _me! Don’t do this… not again…_

 

****************************

 

The noise from Adam’s bedroom awakened Leila immediately, as it had done every night for the past week. She rose from her bed and crossed the hall to his room, turning on the light as she passed through the doorway.

 

She found her son crumpled beside his bed, his bed sheet tangled around him, shaking so violently that she could see the tremors that shook through him from where she stood. His hands were flailing wildly to fight off his unseen attacker, as he sobbed pitifully in his sleep.

 

“Please, don’t… please, stop, I won’t tell anyone… I won’t…”

 

Leila’s heart lurched at the words, and tears welled in her eyes as she crossed the room and knelt at Adam’s side. She had already been fairly certain that it was the threats of his attackers that had kept Adam silent thus far; this only confirmed those suspicions.

 

But that wasn’t what was important now.

 

“Adam,” she murmured, unwilling to add to his confusion and terror. “Adam, sweetie, wake up…”

 

He flinched, his hands up in front of his face as if to ward off a blow. She touched his arms to steady him, but he struggled to pull away from her, whimpering in fearful protest. She gently grasped his wrists to lower them, trying to draw him out of his semi-lucid nightmare.

 

“Adam… baby…” she whispered through her tears. “Sweetie, wake up… it’s just a dream…”

 

But Adam didn’t recognize her at the moment. At the touch of her hands on his wrists, he jerked away violently, his fist flying out in a blind arc intended to drive his attacker away from him. A startled cry left Leila’s lips as that ill-aimed fist fell across her face and knocked her backward away from her son.

 

***************************

 

Adam was finally roused from his dream by the sound of his mother’s cry and awakened all at once, staring around him in panic. He was huddled on the floor against his bedroom wall, his damp sheet half wrapped around him, soaked with sweat and tears. His hand was wet as well, he realized, and looked down at it in sleep-hazed confusion. His eyes widened with horror when he saw the red smear across the back of his hand.

 

He couldn’t move for a moment, stunned and bewildered, as his mother cautiously approached him. He flinched at the touch of her hands against his arms, but went still when he heard her soft, reassuring voice close at hand.

 

“It’s okay, Adam… it’s all right, you were just dreaming… it’s okay, sweetheart…”

 

“Mom?” he whispered, looking up into her eyes as she slid forward and drew her into his arms. He gasped and pushed back away from her, studying her face more closely, and noting the place where her lip was split. “ _Mom_? _No_ …” His voice rose in panic as he stared down at his bloodied hand, shaking his head in denial of the damning evidence of what he’d inadvertently done. “Mom, I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

 

“I know you didn’t, baby, it’s all right,” she hushed him gently, putting her arms around him again and rubbing his back soothingly. “It’s okay, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it, sweetie, I know you didn’t mean to…”

 

“I hurt you,” he sobbed softly. “I hurt you, Mom…”

 

“Shh, I’m fine,” she whispered, settling in with her back against the wall and tugging him in to settle close to her. “It’s nothing. I’m okay, and you’re okay. You’re safe, baby… you’re safe.”

 

He tried to pull away from her, intent on fixing the damage he’d caused. “Let me get you something…”

 

“No, no, let it go, Adam. It doesn’t matter right now,” she insisted, holding him tight so that he couldn’t rise. “It doesn’t matter. I just want you to sit here with me for a few minutes, okay? It can wait. Just stay here with me…”

 

Adam studied her expression for a long moment, anxiously biting his lower lip, before he reluctantly complied, settling his head against her shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he whispered miserably. “I’m so sorry…”

 

She just held him and rocked him, stroking his hair and his back until she felt the trembling tension began to ease from his body. The quiet wrapped around them, soothing now that Adam was not alone with it. However, guilt and embarrassment mingled with the comfort and reassurance he felt, and he let out a heavy sigh.

 

“You know,” he whispered at last into the stillness between them, “I might not be working right now, but you are. Eventually… you’re going to have to get a full night’s sleep. “

 

Leila waved a dismissive hand, and he could clearly visualize her rolling her eyes, though he wasn’t facing her and couldn’t actually see the gesture for himself. “It doesn’t matter,” she insisted. Her voice was soft and filled with a nostalgic, affectionate humor. “You do realize this isn’t the first time you’ve kept me up nights?” She paused, a hushed sadness in her voice when she continued, “I missed those sleepless nights when they were gone. I’ve only got you here with me for a few more days. I’ll deal.”

 

Adam swallowed back the knot in his throat, blinking back grateful tears and nestling in closer to his mother’s side. They were quiet a few moments longer, before she finally spoke again with hesitant concern.

 

“Are you… are you sure you’re going to be ready to go back out on tour, Adam? It’s only… three days away and… and you’re still having these nightmares every night. Don’t you think it might be wiser to… to put it off a little longer? Reschedule? Maybe wait until…”

 

“Until what?” Adam softly cut her off, his eyes downcast. He was quiet for a moment before continuing with grim certainty. “Until they’ve stopped? They’re not going to stop, Mom. Not unless I… unless I can get out there and… and get back…” His voice trailed off, and he shook his head, at a loss – because he really couldn’t put into words exactly what it was that he hoped to get back.

 

He didn’t have to.

 

“I get it, honey,” Leila murmured. “I do. I just… I worry. I’m your mom. It’s my job.”

 

Adam nodded, letting out a soft laugh and looking up to meet her eyes. His smile faded when he saw the dried blood on her mouth, and was reminded of his accidental crime.

 

“Okay, that’s it,” he decided, pulling gently away from her and climbing to his feet. “Enough sitting. I’ve _got_ to get you some antiseptic and bandages and stuff.”

 

Leila allowed him to go, nodding her acceptance and watching in silence as he padded down the hallway to the bathroom. Once he was out of sight, her smile faded into a worried frown. She really did understand why Adam felt that he needed to do this – that going out on tour again was the only thing that would help him truly heal.

 

She only hoped that he was right.

 

*********************************

 

Across the country in Conway, Arkansas, Kris was also eager for the tour to begin – for different but related reasons.

 

He was determined to maintain his decision to allow Adam the space he needed to deal with his trauma on his own terms. Still, he couldn’t wait to at least be close to his friend again – to be able to see for himself whether or not he was – not all right, exactly, because who would be? – but… _coping_.

 

He tried not to think too hard about _exactly_ what Adam was coping _with_ – but that was next to impossible.

 

Kris couldn’t stop thinking about the dark questions Larissa’s suggestion had raised.

 

Three days before he was supposed to leave to meet up with the other Idols in their first tour city, Kris finally sat down to talk with Larissa about the incident at the hospital. He hadn’t called her, hadn’t spoken to her at all since their fight at the hospital, though she had called his parents’ house repeatedly.

 

Finally, he decided to take her call, and told her to come over so they could talk. They sat on the sofa, side by side, the few feet of distance between them feeling like miles. Neither looked at or spoke to the other for what felt like a very long time.

 

“What on earth were you thinking?” Kris quietly demanded, at last breaking the taut silence.

 

“I-I don’t know.” Larissa’s voice was small and scared.

 

“That was… _beyond_ inappropriate. Let’s say it _did_ happen. Can you _imagine_ the damage you could have done to Adam if that kind of talk had gone any further?”

 

“I… I wasn’t thinking,” she quietly explained, her voice trembling and uncertain. “I just thought… I thought maybe… maybe if you knew…”

 

“So tell _me_.” Kris cut her off, turning to face her, his expression solemn and unyielding. “Don’t tell everyone else. Don’t tell every guy Adam has to work with, so every time they look at him from now on, they’re thinking…” His voice trailed off and he shook his head, his mouth twisted into a grimace of dismay. “Just… no. That was… just wrong, Rissa. You have to see that.”

 

“I do,” she admitted, regret clear in her voice. “I’m sorry, Kris. I know I did it wrong. But you have to believe that I didn’t mean any harm. I was… concerned. I was freaked out and it just… occurred to me, and… I didn’t know what to do. I had to… had to get it out, had to tell someone what I was thinking. It was too… too big and horrible and scary to keep to myself, you know?”

 

Kris was quiet for a moment, considering that. He nodded slowly, accepting the explanation for the thinking that had led to her decision. He could understand it – but that didn’t mean he could excuse it.

 

“I get that, hon,” he admitted softly. “I do. But… you should have thought about what that kind of rumor could do to him. Do you think this hasn’t been hard for _me_? He’s completely shut me out, and I have no idea why. I’ve got all kinds of crazy theories, but you don’t see me sharing them around with everybody in sight. These kinds of situations have to be handled… _carefully_. You know?”

She nodded, opening her mouth to respond, but Kris was already speaking again, his tone stern and leaving no room for argument as he met her eyes with a sharp, searching gaze.

 

“Adam comes first. He’s the one who’s been hurt, and his needs have _got_ to come first in this. Before yours. Before mine.”

 

Larissa was quiet for a moment, her eyes brimming with tears, her mouth quivering as she visibly struggled to control her emotions. Finally she swallowed hard, nodding hurriedly.

 

“I know,” she whispered. “I know, Kris. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I just… I’ll do it better next time I see him, I swear. Just… just please tell me we’re going to be okay. I’m _so, so_ sorry!”

 

Kris felt his resolve crumbling under the force of the hurt and vulnerability in her eyes and voice. He let out a trembling sigh, shaking his head as he reached out to take her into his arms, resting his chin on her shoulder as he pulled her close. She clung to him gratefully, her shoulders shaking with sobs of relief.

 

“It’s _not_ all right,” he whispered into her ear, maintaining just the barest note of severity, though it vanished with his next reassuring words. “But… _we_ are. We _are_.”

 

“I’m so sorry, baby,” she whimpered against his shoulder.

 

“I know. I forgive you; it’s okay,” Kris soothed her. “It’s gonna be all right. We’re gonna be just fine…”

 

But even as he spoke the words, he realized that he was no longer sure that they were true.

 

He wasn’t even sure that he really knew her anymore.

 

The girl he’d thought he knew would never have been so calloused and insensitive as to do what she had done at the hospital. Larissa claimed that she simply hadn’t thought about how it would potentially affect Adam – well, Kris wasn’t sure he really wanted to be with someone who didn’t have the perception and compassion to think of that sort of thing.

 

 _I thought she had those qualities… thought she_ was _that girl… but… apparently…_

 

He held her and comforted her and promised her that everything was going to be okay – but Kris had to wonder if it really would be or not. As she left his house that night, he found his mind plagued with a new question – the question of how much longer he and Larissa would last.

 

At this point, he wasn’t sure if they’d even survive the tour.


	14. Chapter 14

The night before the first concert of the rescheduled Idol tour, Kris met with the other Idols at a nice restaurant for a casual reunion dinner in the city where the first show was to be held. Larissa was with him, but planned to go back home to Arkansas after the concert the following night.

 

Kris felt guilty for feeling relieved by that fact.

 

He had tried to forgive her for her carelessness towards Adam's feelings and well-being immediately following his ordeal; but despite his efforts, there was a lingering tension between them. He couldn't quite get past his resentment toward her for what she had done, and Larissa was trying too hard to regain his full trust and affection.

 

Contradictive of her efforts, it just made him want to pull further away from her.

 

As the car that had been sent for them parked outside the restaurant, Kris felt the nervous fluttering in his stomach intensify with the knowledge that in just a few minutes, he'd be seeing Adam again, for the first time since he'd left the hospital. He was eager to see his friend, to see for himself that he was all right and recovering -- and yet at the same time, due to the uncomfortable way things had been left between them, there was a certain amount of apprehension as well.

 

Kris was almost relieved when he and Larissa walked into the section of the restaurant that had been reserved for their group, to find that Adam had not yet arrived. The other Idols were all there, and clearly very happy to see Kris. He smiled and laughed with them, giving and receiving hugs, and finding his fears fading somewhat with the easy comfort of being with his friends again.

 

When Adam finally arrived, a momentary hush seemed to fall over the group, as all eyes turned toward him. He entered flanked by security, dressed in a sharp, black and silver ensemble that made him look very much like the Adam they'd all known before the horrific events of the past few weeks. He was smiling and cheerful, making light of the sudden quiet awkwardness that had fallen over the group.

 

"Geez, you guys are boring. Are you waiting on me to bring the party, or what?"

 

"You always do, don't you?"

 

Allison was the first to reply, rushing across the room and jumping up to give him a huge hug. She kissed his cheek before pulling back to return his smile -- and they both very deliberately ignored the shimmer of tears in her eyes.

 

"I missed you," she informed him in a hushed, almost confidential tone.

 

"Yeah, I missed you, too, baby girl," he replied, a slight tremor in his voice.

 

The others resumed their conversations, the tensions broken, as Allison took Adam's hand and tugged him toward the seat she had saved for him at the table. Along the way he accepted the greetings and hugs and well wishes of the others, while Kris just tried to discreetly keep his distance without the others noticing that he was doing so.

 

Unfortunately, Allison noticed.

 

"Kris," she called out, patting the seat on her other side. "Come sit here!"

 

Kris gave her an awkward smile, deliberately avoiding Adam's gaze -- which worked out well, since Adam was studiously avoiding his, as well. He shook his head, gesturing toward the two seats he'd just selected for himself and Larissa, across the table and several seats down from where Allison and Adam were sitting.

 

"We're fine here," Kris informed her with a casually dismissive wave of his hand. "It's okay."

 

"No, I saved you guys seats over here!" Allison insisted. "Come on, we haven't seen you in weeks! Get over here!"

 

"It's okay, sweetie, let's just sit over there," Larissa murmured, giving his hand a supportive squeeze.

 

Kris felt a rush of irritation at her seeming cluelessness. She knew perfectly well how things had been left between him and Adam, and should have been aware of why he wanted to keep his distance. Maybe she thought she was helping, but Kris didn't really appreciate her efforts.

 

Still, between Larissa and Allison, he couldn't refuse much more without drawing a lot of attention to the fact that he was refusing. Finally, Kris reluctantly surrendered and allowed himself and Larissa to be led toward the seats Allison had saved for them. He and Adam nodded an awkward greeting without actually speaking to each other, and were spared any further awkward interaction by the arrival of the waitress to take their drink orders.

 

There was enough conversation around the table amongst the other Idols and staff members to keep the attention off of the discomfort between Adam and Kris – mostly. Allison clearly noticed it, and kept pushing the two of them to interact, trying to bring up topics that would cause them to talk, but both of them resisted her efforts, refusing to say more than a couple of mumbled words to each other.

 

Gradually, Allison’s irritation with the situation became more and more obvious – and somehow, Kris wound up bearing the brunt of her frustration. After about the dozenth time when he’d deliberately thwarted her attempted conversation, she turned and faced him fully, dark eyes blazing into his as she demanded in a furious hiss.

 

“Why are you being such an asshole, Kris Allen?”

 

“I’m not,” Kris whispered back. “Allie, you don’t understand…”

 

Most of the people around the table missed the terse exchange, but on either side of Kris and Allison, Adam and Larissa could both clearly hear it. Larissa gave the girl an outraged look, immediately defensive of her boyfriend. Adam just looked very uncomfortable, reaching out to touch Allison's arm and try to pull her back a little.

 

"Allison, it's okay, really..."

 

"No, it's not!" Allison snapped, glaring at Kris as she spoke. "He's being a jerk!"

 

"No, he isn't," Adam insisted quietly. "It's not his fault, Allie, just... please, stop."

 

The earnest, pleading note in his voice drew Allison's attention, overcoming the defensive anger she felt toward Kris, and she reluctantly sat back in her seat, muttering under her breath.

 

"Just don't understand why he thinks he can just..."

 

"Allie." Adam's voice was barely over a whisper. "Please."

 

She fell silent, visibly confused and upset and ready to tear into Kris again, if Adam would have let her. Her concern for her friend's comfort was greater than her anger, though, so she turned her attention toward Adam and making sure that he enjoyed the rest of the meal -- shutting Kris and Larissa out completely.

 

For Kris, the mood of the gathering had darkened, and he couldn't seem to get back into the idea of celebrating with the others.

 

He felt like exactly what Allison thought he was.

 

It didn't matter that Adam was the one insisting on their separation, or that he was really trying his hardest to be a good friend and do what Adam wanted. He knew that his friend had to need a lot of support right now, after all he'd been through...

 

 _Especially if Larissa's right about what happened to him..._

 

... and the simple truth was that Kris was not being that for him.

 

To make matters worse, Kris had been unable to miss the sorrow and resignation in Adam's voice when he'd quietly called Allison off.

 

 _It's not his fault..._

Adam’s words echoed in his mind, with troubling implications, bringing up questions without answers that circled in Kris’s mind.

 _Does that mean he thinks it_ is his _fault? If he feels bad about it... if it's not what he wants... then why is he insisting that I stay away from him? What reason could he possibly have for doing this, if he really_ wants _me to be there for him?_

 

 _And if this is how it's going to be... how are we possibly going to get through the next two months?_

 

****************************

 

As the door to his hotel room shut behind him, Adam sank down on the edge of his bed, gratefully resting his weary head in his trembling hands and drawing in a deep, shaking breath. He let it out slowly, looking up into the mirror to see a drawn look of exhausted misery on his own face, now that he'd allowed the mask to slip away.

 

There was no need for it here, in the quiet solitude of his own room.

 

He was so grateful and relieved that this hellish night was finally over.

 

 _One down... only fifty or so more to go..._

 

Feeling drained and broken, Adam lay back on his bed, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes and trying to force back the tears of despair that rose there. It had been nothing less than sheer agony tonight – seeing Kris, seeing for himself how bad his rejection was hurting him, and yet unable to do anything about it, unable to make Kris understand the reasons why it had to be this way.

 

He desperately longed to tell someone the truth about what had happened -- to share the heavy burden of his secret with someone else and allow them to take some of the load from his bruised and battered shoulders; but Larissa was too dangerous. He couldn't take the chance that she might hurt someone else, if he dared to tell them the secret.

 

 _But... if I_ don't _tell... who's to say she won't do something to hurt Kris, anyway? He didn't seem happy with her tonight. Something's off with them, and if he breaks up with her... who knows what she'll do? Who she'll_ blame?

 

It was all just too much.

 

 _I wish there was someone I could tell, someone who could help... I wish Kris could know the truth and help me get us both away from her..._

 _I wish it could all just be over._

 

Adam's heart lurched in his chest at the unexpected sound of a keycard sliding in the lock outside his door, a moment before the door to his room opened. His mind raced ahead of his eyes, locked onto the doorway, waiting to see who would appear there.

 

 _No one has a key to my room but me. There’s an armed guard outside the door. Who could possibly…?_

 

His thoughts broke off abruptly as the person who had opened the door slipped inside and closed it behind them, and his questions were answered with the realization of his worst fears.

 

Larissa.

 

Adam scrambled to his feet, his mouth open but unable to make a sound as Larissa very deliberately locked the door and then slowly moved toward him, a smug smile on her lips. Her hard eyes glittered with amusement at his obviously fearful reaction.

 

“Stay away from me,” Adam ordered, his voice defiant but trembling. “I’ll call security…”

 

“You mean the security that’s supposed to be watching your room right now?” Larissa smirked, her pace not faltering as she continued to close the distance between them. “Yeah, they’re very useful. The guy on duty right now got a little case of the munchies, though. I offered to wait in the hallway with my cell phone – just in case – while he went down the hall to the restroom and the snack machine.”

 

Adam stumbled backward away from her as she neared him, his heart racing, his breath quickening with rising panic. “H-how did you… how’d you get a key to my…”

 

Larissa shrugged. “Stopped by the front desk. My name’s on the list. Just told them you’d lost your key and asked me to get you another. Easy.”

 

“I’m doing everything you said,” Adam insisted, tripping as the backs of his legs hit the edge of the chair near the foot of his bed and accidentally sitting down. “What else do you want from me?”

 

He started to move away from the chair, but Larissa had reached him by then and caught his arm, pushing him back down into the seat. “Relax, sweetie,” she sneered. “Have a seat and keep your mouth shut – and I’ll tell you how this is going to work.”

 

********************************

 

Kris excused himself early from their dinner, claiming that he didn’t feel well and wanted to make sure he was well rested for the show the next day. Larissa had offered to go with him back to the hotel room, but he assured her that she should stay and enjoy the party. He was just going to sleep anyway.

 

And besides… leaving would do him no good if she came along with him.

 

He just needed some time to himself.

 

He lay there in the unfamiliar bed, tossing uneasily and trying to sleep, but sleep proved elusive amidst the swirling tumult of his thoughts. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand, wondering absently why Larissa hadn’t returned to their room yet. Familiar voices in the hall a few minutes earlier had let him know when the other Idols had arrived at the hotel; but Larissa was still absent.

 

 _Maybe she’s hanging out in one of the girls’ rooms. That would be a good thing._

 

He considered for a moment before rising from the bed, pulling back on the shirt and jeans he’d cast aside when he lay down. He wasn’t really sure where he was headed when he left his room and made his way down the hallway. His pace slowed and he finally stopped outside Adam’s room, a worried frown of indecision on his face. He raised one hand, knuckles curled slightly as if to knock – but then lost his nerve, lowering his hand with a heavy sigh.

 

He thought back to the awkward circumstances at dinner, and abruptly turned on his heel and headed back the other direction down the hall – toward Allison’s room. As a minor, Allison was accompanied on the tour by her mother, but they had adjoining rooms rather than sharing a single room, so that each of them could have their privacy. Kris bit his lower lip, feeling self-conscious and uncertain and hoping that he would find her alone as he knocked on her door.

 

She opened it with a smile that swiftly faded when she saw him there. Before his eyes, the protective fire of anger began to smolder in her gaze, and her jaw set with stubborn defiance.

 

“ _What_?” she demanded impatiently.

 

“I… know you pretty much think I suck right now,” Kris admitted softly, a sheepish half-smile on his lips that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “But… Allie, can I talk to you?”

 

She stood there for a moment, visibly struggling with her impulse to soften to him as she had done so many times in the past when faced with a similar look to the one currently on his face. Finally, she rolled her eyes and threw the door open wider, stepping backward to allow him entrance.

 

“This had better be good, Kris Allen."


	15. Chapter 15

Allison was all sullen, reluctant suspicion as she stepped back and allowed Kris into her room. Despite her youth, Kris felt ironically like the child in this scenario – a misbehaving child who was walking into the principal’s office. He briefly considered telling Allison about that rather twisted imagery in the hopes that it might at least draw a laugh from her.

 

He wisely thought better of that idea.

 

“So what’s your problem?” she demanded as soon as she had sat down at the foot of her bed, her arms crossed over her chest. “Why won’t you even _look_ at Adam? Don’t you think he’s been through enough without you suddenly deciding to abandon him?”

 

“Yes, I do,” Kris insisted with a weary sigh, sinking down in the chair across from her. “But it’s not up to me, Allie. I swear, I have tried and tried to get him to talk to me – to even be in the same _room_ with me – but he won’t.” He paused, meeting her eyes as he explained in a quiet, dejected voice. “ _He’s_ the one who doesn’t want to have anything to do with _me_ … and I have no idea why.”

 

Allison frowned, shaking her head in confusion. “What? That doesn’t make sense.”

 

“No, it doesn’t,” Kris agreed. “But it’s the truth. He told me at the hospital to stay away from him… so that’s what I’ve done. He wouldn’t tell me why, and I totally don’t get it… but… I think I have to do what he wants, don’t you? I mean… this entire situation is all about… _him_ … right? So… if he wants me to stay away…”

 

Allison nodded slowly, eyes wide and distracted as she stared at the wall just beyond Kris, thinking. “Why would he want you to stay away?” she wondered aloud. “He needs his friends more than ever right now. He’s… he’s been through so much…”

 

“I know,” Kris sighed. “It doesn’t make any sense. I asked him if I did something, and he said no, I didn’t. I asked him why, and he wouldn’t tell me. I’ve been racking my brain, trying to figure it out, but I can’t think of any reason why he’d… why he wouldn’t want…” He shook his head, lowering it into his hands and running them through his hair in agitation before looking up to meet her eyes again. “I’m trying to figure it out. I’m hoping I’ll be able to while we’re all on tour together. But, in the mean time…”

“I can try to figure it out, too!” Allison offered eagerly. “I can help! Maybe he’ll talk to _me_ about why…”

 

“No,” Kris softly objected, holding up a halting hand. “No, you can’t do that, Allie. Because… he probably really needs a friend right now. He won’t let me be there for him, so… that just means he needs _you_ to be there, more than ever. You wanna ask him about what happened tonight? Fine. In fact, he’d probably think it was weird if you didn’t. But… he probably won’t tell you. If he doesn’t, you need to accept that and just be there for him anyway, and… if he _does_ … you can’t tell me.”

 

Allison’s eyes widened as she considered that, and Kris continued with quiet resignation.

 

“Whatever his reasons are… if he wanted me to know, he’d tell me. Obviously… he doesn’t. I just… needed you to understand that, Allie. I don’t want you to hate me…”

 

“No, Kris, I don’t hate you,” she insisted, rising from the bed impulsively to give him a warm, reassuring hug. “I just… I didn’t get it… I’m still not sure I do, but… but I’ll talk to him. I’ll be there for him, you don’t have to worry about that.”

 

“Good.” Kris let out a shaky sigh of relief, reaching one arm around her to return her hug and giving her a half-hearted smile. “Because as much as I want to, I _can’t_ be.”

 

*******************************

 

Adam flinched back in the chair in which he was trapped, as Larissa placed her hands on the arms of it and leaned into his face with a cold smile. His heart raced with fear, his eyes rolling wildly toward the door as he desperately sought some means of rescue or escape.

 

"Look at me!” Larissa snapped threateningly, and his eyes darted back to hers, his mouth dry, his entire body trembling. “Don’t even think about calling for help. You just shut up and listen to me, Adam," she snarled softly, a cruel gleam in her eyes as she took in his obvious terror. "If you try to tell anyone about this, I don't care if I'm arrested or not. I'll use my one phone call if that’s all I’ve got, to make sure you're taken within twenty-four hours.” A cruel smirk touched her lips as she added, “But don’t worry. I won't let them kill you for at least a few days."

 

Adam closed his eyes, biting his lower lip to keep from crying out, and turning his face away from her as she edged in even nearer. This only allowed her to take advantage of his position, to lean in so close that her lips brushed his ear as she continued in a voice of deceptively gentle menace.

 

"You’re a lot bigger and stronger than I am, Adam. We both know you could stop me in a heartbeat if you wanted to... but you won't. Because if you touch me... same rules apply. I'll make you wish you'd never been born. You already know I have some very dangerous connections. It might be the same guy who took you before. It might be someone else; but either way, you'll die... _slowly_... in _shame_... and in _agony_."

 

Her voice was barely over a whisper by this point, and the stillness in the room was oppressive, stifling. Adam felt as if he couldn’t draw breath, couldn’t think, couldn’t focus on anything but the panic inspired by her dark words. He was trembling violently, shaking his head in a silent, desperate plea, not daring to make a sound.

 

"This tour isn't going to be easy for you," Larissa continued with false sympathy, running the back of her hand lightly across his cheek, her smile widening when he flinched. "You're not going to tell anyone any more about what happened to you than they already know. And I know it'll be hard, on tour buses and doing shows together... but you're going to stay away from Kris. Oh, you can talk to him as much as you'd talk to the others – say hi, make small talk, that sort of thing – but nothing more than that."

 

She laughed with cold triumph, trailing her hand down from his face to his jaw, turning his head and forcing him to face her. Her eyes were filled with vicious pleasure as she held his wide, frightened gaze and continued.

 

"Trust me, Adam. Kris tells me _everything_. And you'll be being watched. If I find out that the two of you are ever alone together -- _ever_ \-- I'll make those three days you spent with my friend feel like a trip to a fucking day spa. Do you understand me?"

 

Adam swallowed back a sob, nodding hurriedly, closing his eyes against the ugly images that began to fill his mind with her threats. Larissa's head tilted slightly as she took in his reaction -- and fed on it. She gripped his jaw with harsh, grasping fingers, holding his head in place as she leaned in to whisper in his ear again. Adam wanted to pull away, wanted to shove her away from him, but didn't dare. His hands were white where they gripped the arms of the chair in a desperate bid to control his own instincts.

 

 _Have to do what she says, can't afford to piss her off, if she gets mad at me, oh God, please don't let her..._

 

"You remember the things he did to you, Adam?" she murmured, her warm breath against his skin making him shudder in revulsion, though not as much as her words. "Remember the way he touched you? How bad it _hurt_? How dirty and pathetic and _worthless_ … it made you _feel_?"

 

Larissa rested her free hand at Adam's side, sliding it slowly down to his hip, relishing the way he jerked slightly, but didn't allow himself to pull away from her touch. She edged in nearer, her voice barely audible in his ear.

 

"Like what you are, Adam... like a _filthy... useless... little... whore_..."

 

"Please," Adam choked out at last, hating himself for the whimpering sob that his voice was reduced to. " _Please, stop_... _please_..."

 

Larissa's hands and voice hardened as she drew back to meet his eyes again.

 

"Shut up," she ordered coldly. "You will do exactly what I've just said. Won't you?"

 

"Yes," Adam whispered, nodding miserably, the tears that slid from his eyes only adding to his shame. "Yes. Please..."

 

"Don't forget," she warned him softly as she finally released him and stood up straight. "Or I swear you'll regret it."

 

With that, she spun on her heel and walked to the door, stepping out into the hallway. Adam shook with mingled dread and relief, resting his face in one hand as he listened to her speaking cheerfully to the security guard who was once again outside his door, in the moments before she closed it behind her.

 

"... yeah, I thought I'd just go on in and keep him company while I waited... No problem, have a good night."

 

Despair filled Adam’s heart with the knowledge that he had not yet escaped the nightmare that had happened to him a few weeks earlier – and he couldn’t foresee a time when he would.

 

There was no way out.

 

*********************************

 

Once Kris left her room, Allison changed into her pajamas and got comfortable for the night before heading down the hall toward Adam’s room. He was a night owl like her, so he was probably still awake. She didn’t want to put off until tomorrow talking to him about the strange incident at the restaurant that night.

 

She only hoped that he’d be willing to talk back.

 

She frowned, puzzled, when she saw Kris’s girlfriend walking away from Adam’s door. She nodded and smiled in passing as Larissa walked on toward the room she was sharing with Kris for the night. Out of the corner of her eye, Allison watched Larissa disappear into the room as she spoke quietly to Adam’s security guard.

 

“Is he still awake?”

 

“I think so. He just had company a minute ago, so…”

 

“Great. I’ll just…”

 

Allison allowed her voice to trail off, raising a loose fist and nodding toward the door before stepping forward and knocking. There was no response, so after a few moments she knocked again. She was about to give up and go back to her own room for the night when she heard the soft sound of the deadbolt being turned, and the door opened just a crack, allowing her to see just a little bit of Adam’s face.

 

It was enough for her to see that he had been crying.

 

“ _Adam_. What…?”

 

He waved a dismissive hand, rolling his red-rimmed, glistening eyes. “I’m okay,” he insisted – but the hoarse crack in his voice gave him away.

 

Allison frowned, pushing past him into the room and carefully closing the door before responding softly. “No, you’re not. What is it?”

 

“I’m okay, really,” Adam’s voice rose slightly, edging out of his control as he turned away from her and swiped angrily at his smoke-smudged eyes.

 

“Adam. Come on.”

 

Allison followed his movement, reaching out to touch his arm, surprised when he flinched away from her. Her voice softened as she moved around to face him fully, reaching out to take his hands in hers as she looked up into his face. She waited patiently until he reluctantly met her eyes.

 

“What is it?” she gently urged him as she sat down on the edge of the bed and tugged him down to sit beside her. “Come on. Talk to me.”

 

“I c- _can’t_.”

 

His voice caught in his throat, barely over a whisper, full of a deep despair that tore at Allison’s heart. She remembered what Kris had told her, and fought against her instincts to push harder, to demand that he give her something she could work with.

 

“Okay,” she softly replied instead, sliding in close to his side and wrapping her arms around him in a gentle hug. “You don’t have to talk, then. But… I’m not going anywhere. I can just… be here.”

 

Adam tensed in her embrace for a few moments… before relaxing gratefully into it at last, wrapping his arms around her and allowing his head to fall onto her shoulder as his own shook with silent sobs.


	16. Chapter 16

He couldn’t bring himself to look up, couldn’t bear the shame of his breaking – but Adam knew that Allison wasn’t buying it.

 

Of course she wasn’t.

 

She was too smart, and she knew him far too well.

 

Adam felt like an idiot and a child, leaning on her for comfort and support when she was so much younger, so much less capable of dealing with the kind of horror that filled his mind and memories. He felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame as her soft, helplessly comforting words filled his ears. He knew that there was no way he could possibly burden her with the truth.

 

But… that didn’t mean he couldn’t let her hug him.

 

Adam felt so alone, so lost, confused and utterly helpless in his situation, that the simple contact with someone he knew loved him, _wanted_ to help him – even if he couldn’t let her – was far too enticing and desperately needed for him to resist it.

 

“Adam,” Allison murmured after a moment, an anxious ache in her voice that tugged at his heart and renewed his guilt. “You know… you _can_ talk to me… if you want to.”

 

“I… I know,” he whispered, reluctantly raising his head, still unable to bring himself to face her. “I know I can.”

 

But he couldn’t.

 

“Is it… what happened before?” Allison’s voice was gentle and hesitant, and she grimaced after the words, visibly embarrassed by the awkward, obvious question. “Are you… are you scared, or…?”

 

Adam shook his head, forcing a little laugh as he raised a hand to wipe wearily at the tears that streaked his face. “No, it’s not that, I… I’m just… I’m sorry, I’m an idiot. It’s just that… I haven’t spent so much time at home for… for years, really, and… and just… going back out on tour, and… I… guess I’m just a little… homesick, you know? That’s all.”

 

Allison gave him a dubious look, and Adam felt his face flush self-consciously. Clearly she knew better than to believe that explanation. He’d been on his own for years now, long before Idol – was used to traveling and being in different places all the time and not being with his family. There was _no way_ that a little homesickness would have him crying alone in his room, let alone bawling like a child on the shoulder of his seventeen-year-old tour-mate – and they both knew it.

 

Allison mercifully let it go, pretending to accept his explanation. “Okay,” she replied quietly. “I get that way, too, sometimes. If you’re… lonely, I… I can stay as long as you want…”

 

Adam leaned back a little, edging out of physical contact with her in a subtle indication that he was ready to be alone. He waved a dismissive hand, rolling his eyes and giving her a smile. “That’s okay, sweetie. I’m fine, I promise. I just… need to get some sleep. Big day tomorrow, and I can’t look beautiful with bags under my eyes, can I?”

 

“I get it. I’ll go, then, and let you get your sleep.” Allison lowered her gaze, her shoulders slumping with visible disappointment before she looked up to meet his eyes again, her expression solemn and stern. “But… if you need anything… if you need to… to talk about it or whatever… you come find me, okay? I don’t care what time it is. I’m just across the hall, okay?”

 

Adam nodded, his brave but utterly false smile plastered in place as she leaned in to give him one last quick hug before rising to her feet and making her way toward the door. Once she had left, Adam made his way to the bathroom and washed what was left of the makeup from his face before getting into his pajamas and lying down. He hadn’t been lying when he’d told her that he needed to get some rest.

 

He didn’t sleep a single minute that night.

 

Sometime around seven – half an hour from the time when the Idols were supposed to gather for a quick breakfast – Adam gave up and rose wearily from the bed, making his way to the bathroom to attempt to make himself look presentable.

 

Five minutes after breakfast, he couldn’t remember what he’d had or even who he’d sat with during the meal. He sleepwalked through his day, following directions and doing his best to keep up with the other Idols and their handlers as they made their way through the rehearsals, sound checks, and other preliminaries until it was finally time for the show.

 

There were two armed guards outside his dressing room, and he knew that no one could get to him there. Still, with every innocent sound he heard from just outside the door, Adam jumped, wide eyes darting toward the noise in alarm. He couldn’t shake the feeling that no matter how well guarded he was, Larissa could find a way to get herself – or someone else – past those guards.

 

She had proven it more than once already, hadn’t she?

 

Finally, there was a soft knock on the dressing room door, followed immediately by the voice of one of the handlers.

 

“Adam? You’re on in ten.”

 

He rose to his feet, drawing in a deep, shaky breath and wiping his damp palms against his pants as he gave himself one last, long look in the mirror. Even through the makeup, he looked pale and worn to his own eyes – but he didn’t think it would show from the stage. He steadied himself with an effort, his hands clenching into fists at his sides to still their trembling.

 

 _This is it_ , he told himself with a look of grim resolve. _This is what you’ve been waiting for._

 

And it was exactly what he needed.

 

Halfway through his first song, Adam began to lose himself in the music. His exhaustion faded, giving way to the adrenaline rush as he belted out the lyrics and sauntered across the stage, drinking in the screams and cheers of his audience – fuel on the tiny, flickering flames of his confidence that had been reduced to nothing more than embers before this moment.

 

For twenty glorious minutes, Adam didn’t think about the fears and concerns that would be waiting for him when he stepped off that stage. He didn’t think about what had happened to him in the past few weeks, or what could possibly happen to him again if he didn’t carefully watch every step.

 

All he thought about was the music, the crowd, and how absolutely _perfect_ this moment was.

 

Surrounded by thousands of people screaming his name, loving him as he loved them right back – how could he have been any safer?

 

Maybe it was the exhaustion of two days on a single night of sleep – or maybe it was the fulfillment and the only sheer joy he’d felt in as long as he could remember that allowed him to sleep that night from the moment his head hit the pillow, until it was time to wake up the next morning – at peace, unhindered by a single nightmare.

 

The next morning, he found himself smiling without having to fake it, humming the songs from the night before to himself as the Idols milled about in the parking lot, getting ready to board the buses to head for the next show. None of his family had been able to come to this particular show, so Adam just sat patiently on the step of the boys’ bus, watching idly as the others hugged various friends and family members, saying their goodbyes.

 

His smile finally faltered when Kris and Larissa came down from Kris’s hotel room. They separated near the door; Kris went to say goodbye to Michael’s wife and kids, who had made it out for the show the night before, while Larissa began making her rounds saying goodbye to the other Idols.

 

Adam’s heart began to race, his mouth going dry as he watched her hug Lil and then Megan in turn.

 

 _Eventually she’s going to get to me. Or maybe she won’t even notice me here; maybe she’ll pretend not to, and use it as an excuse to avoid having to fake it in front of everybody…_

 _Who am I kidding? She’s not afraid of faking it. She’s a damn_ expert _at faking it._

 _She’ll do it just to fuck with my head._

 

Adam watched with rising apprehension as Larissa hugged Allison, smiling and saying something to her that he couldn’t hear. Allison returned her smile, though as Larissa walked away, Adam thought he caught a trace of a pensive, troubled frown on the younger girl’s face.

 

 _God, I hope she didn’t pick up on anything last night. Think, did you say anything? Give her any clue that maybe something wasn’t… Oh, shit, she’s headed this way… oh, God, no… no, this can’t happen…_

 

Adam thought about getting up and retreating into the bus before she could reach him – but realized with a sinking, sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that that would only be worse. The only thing worse than having to endure Larissa’s fake sentiments would be being trapped alone with her on the bus, where she would be free to let the mask fall.

 

 _At least out here, with everybody watching, she can’t hurt me… can’t touch me, can’t let them see…_

 

And then she was there, in front of him, smiling coldly down into his wide, frightened eyes. He knew he probably looked like the trapped animal he felt like. He froze, tense and terrified as she leaned down and put her arms around him, one hard hand at the back of his neck holding him in place, not allowing him to pull away as she tilted her head to whisper into his ear.

 

“Don’t you dare pull away, or let on that anything’s wrong.”

 

Adam shook his head almost imperceptibly, a silent indication that he wouldn’t. He couldn’t have spoken if he’d tried. Larissa’s lips formed a cruel smile against his skin as she continued, her acid words dripping deadly poison.

 

“He was there last night, you know.”

 

Adam’s stomach dropped, and all the breath left his lungs in a swift rush that left him gasping, horrified. Larissa’s fingers played through his hair as she spoke again, her words inaudible to anyone but him – not that anyone was close enough to hear or paying them any attention anyway.

 

“I wonder if he enjoyed the show.”

 

Larissa drew back to meet his eyes, malicious amusement in her narrowed gaze as she touched his cheek in a false display of affection. Her touch revolted him, but Adam dared not pull away, terrified of doing something to anger her. He couldn’t speak, could barely breathe, and couldn’t break her gaze as she spoke in a voice that was only slightly louder – still far outside the hearing range of anyone around them.

 

“Don’t forget, Adam,” she warned him with a soft, cruel smile. “I’ll have someone in every crowd.”

 

And then her hand fell from his face, and she turned and walked casually away, making her way to the other Idols and then finally to Kris, as if nothing had happened.

 

Adam sat there for several moment’s longer, shocked – shattered. The other Idols, the hotel, everything around them faded into silence, Larissa’s menacing words echoing over and over in his mind. Without even realizing he was moving, Adam rose on shaking legs, grasping the railing desperately as he pulled himself up the steps and into the solitude of the bus.

 

He stumbled to the tiny restroom in the back, where he collapsed to his knees in front of the toilet there. He didn’t bother to try to close the door; it wouldn’t have closed anyway, with his long legs folded under him blocking the doorway. The world spun around him as Adam’s stomach revolted under the pressure of Larissa’s threatening, taunting words, ejecting the remains of his breakfast up into the toilet.

 

 _I wonder if he enjoyed the show..._


	17. Chapter 17

Allison watched, unnoticed by Adam and Larissa, as Larissa gave him what appeared to be a very intimate goodbye. She frowned, troubled by the way Adam was looking at Larissa – the wide-eyed panic in his gaze, the shiver that passed through him as she spoke softly into his ear. She couldn’t quite put her finger on why, but a niggling voice whispered over and over in Allison’s mind.

 

 _Something’s not right. No, something is very wrong here…_

 

She had already tried talking to Adam and knew his resolve when she saw it. Allison knew there was no way that Adam would tell her what was going on; yet she was fairly certain after witnessing the strange exchange between him and Larissa, and seeing Larissa in the hall outside his room a couple of nights earlier, that it had something to do with her.

 

 _Maybe that’s why he won’t talk to Kris._

 _Oh…_ Kris _. He can help me…_

Allison waited until Larissa had said goodbye to her boyfriend and gone back up to her hotel room to finish packing and wait for her own flight before making her way toward Kris, reaching him just as he was about to board the boys’ bus.

 

“Kris.” She caught his arm, tugging him back down off the step and around to face her. “Can I talk to you?”

 

Kris glanced at the driver headed toward the bus and then back at Allison with an apologetic half-smile. “If you can make it quick. I think they’re about ready to go…”

 

“Can you ride with us for a little while? It’s really important.”

 

Kris frowned, troubled by her tone and the look in her eyes, before nodding slowly. “Sure, Allie, that’s no problem. Give me just a second.”

 

Allison went to her own bus as Kris gathered a few personal belongings from the boys’ bus. He frowned, noticing that the curtain was closed around Adam’s bunk. Once again, he resisted his own desire to try to talk to Adam, and instead made his way to the front of the bus to speak to the handlers. A few minutes later, he joined Allison on the girls’ bus. Lil and Megan, who were playing a game of cards at the small dining table near the center of the bus, smiled and nodded at Kris as he followed Allison to the back of the bus where they could have a little privacy.

 

“Okay… this is… really awkward, but… I’ve been noticing some stuff lately… about Adam, and… I think maybe I’ve got an idea why he’s acting so weird with you,” she confessed in a rush, her expression strangely guilty and uncertain.

 

Kris was quiet, waiting with a questioning expression for her to go on.

 

Allison described what she’d seen of the conversation outside the bus, and then explained how she’d seen Larissa in the hall just a few minutes before she’d found Adam in tears in his room. As she explained her observations to Kris, Allison began to feel a little silly, realizing that it was really very little to go on – especially for the guy who was _dating_ Larissa, and therefore a lot less likely to see any wrongdoing of which she might be guilty.

 

To Allison’s relief, Kris seemed worried and upset with Larissa, frowning and lowering his face into his hand, letting out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know what to do with her,” he muttered, shaking his head before looking up to meet Allison’s eyes. “I’m sure she doesn’t mean any harm, but she’s just like… _useless_ in situations like this.” His frustration was evident in his tone. “She said something really stupid back at the hospital – really freakin’ insensitive – and if I know her, I think she was probably _trying_ to set it right.” Kris rolled his eyes, giving Allison a troubled look. “It sounds like all she did was freak Adam out worse, though.”

 

Allison hesitated. Her gut was telling her that it was something a lot more than that; but she was afraid to tell Kris so, for fear of offending him and causing him to shut her out. She drew in a deep breath, pausing before finally venturing a last leading question.

 

“Do you think… maybe whatever she’s saying to Adam has something to do with why he won’t talk to you?”

 

Kris’s frown deepened, his head tilting slightly as he considered that possibility. “I don’t know. Like what?”

 

“I… don’t know.” Allison shrugged, looking away, doing her best to be non-committal. “I just thought… maybe… it seems like a little bit of a coincidence, don’t you think?”

 

Kris thought a moment longer before his frown eased and he shook his head in relief. “No, because he was refusing to talk to me at the hospital before she ever said a word to him. It was like… one minute he was fine, let me hug him, very clearly wanted me there… and the next time I saw him, he completely shut me out. And Rissa was with me the whole time, so… no, that can’t be it.”

 

Allison was quiet, not wanting to press the issue and risk alienating her only ally – but her fears were not eased by Kris’s seemingly logical explanation.

 

*****************************

 

 _I can’t do this… I can’t do this…_

 

Adam stood backstage, struggling just to breathe through the panic that was swiftly overtaking him. His heart raced, his palms wet and trembling as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned his head against the railing behind him, closing his eyes and listening to the screams of the crowd. They were screaming for Danny, who was performing directly before him – but Adam heard his name a few times in the midst of the tumult, knew that the crowd was eager for him to go onstage.

 

 _But… he’s out there… in that crowd… watching._

 

A cold, sick shiver ran through Adam and he choked back a sob, his breathing ragged and uneven as wide, dread-filled eyes rolled toward the stage. He thought of his performance the night before – how he’d thrown everything he had into it, how he’d shimmied and swayed and felt the confidence rush back with the thrill of knowing how much the audience loved him… how badly they _wanted_ him…

 

Now, the thought made him want to vomit.

 

 _He was watching… when I was dancing, and… he was sitting out there…_ watching _… the man who… who_ raped _me…_

 

“Five minutes, Adam,” one of the handlers approached him, touching his arm. Adam flinched violently away from her, and her eyes widened with alarm. “You okay? What’s going on?”

 

“I-I’m fine,” he whispered, his eyes drawn once more to the stairs leading up to the rear of the stage. “I’m okay.”

 

“Like hell you are,” the handler muttered, moving in closer, eyes narrowed in scrutiny. “Adam, you’re on in like… three minutes. What the hell?”

 

As she spoke, Allison made her way toward them, ready to go on again when it was time for her duet with Adam. When she saw the look on his face and the hushed, intent way in which the handler was speaking, she hurried her pace, a concerned frown replacing her calm expression.

 

“Adam, what is it?” she anxiously asked him, automatically reaching out to touch his arm. “Are you okay?”

 

“ _Yes_!” he snapped, his voice trembling as he jerked away from her, his hands raised in instinctive self-defense against the two of them. “God, would you two just stop _touching_ me? I’m _fine_!” He glanced toward the stage again, his voice faltering as he repeated desperately, “I’m… _fine_ … I _am_ …”

 

“Oh shit,” the handler muttered, turning away, slapping her palm to her forehead after glancing at her watch. “Two minutes, guys…”

 

“What’s going on?”

 

Kris approached the intense little scene, his guitar in hand, ready for his own set. When he saw how pale Adam was, how violently he was trembling, his back pressed against the railing behind him as if he could somehow press through it and hide away – the resolve Kris had felt to leave Adam to deal with the situation on his own terms disappeared. He hurried to Adam’s side, setting his guitar down and pushing gently past Allison and the handler to take Adam’s arms in his hands, his dark eyes seeking Adam’s gaze intently.

 

“Adam?” His voice was soft, carefully calm. “Adam, what is it? Talk to me.”

 

Adam just shook his head, cringing away from Kris, but not quite pulling away. “I can’t,” he whispered simply. “I can’t, I can’t…”

 

“Adam… Adam, look at me…” Kris whispered, raising a hand to rest at the back of Adam’s head and pull him down a little, his forehead nearly touching Adam’s as he waited until Adam reluctantly met his gaze. “Adam… you’re okay. All right? You’re safe. You’re okay. You hear me?”

 

Adam nodded, closing his eyes in despair, clearly not believing what he heard.

 

“No, listen to me, Adam, you can do this,” Kris insisted softly. “Listen to me. You’re gonna be fine. You’re gonna go out there and give them the show of your _life_.”

 

Adam’s eyes snapped open, and he looked up at Kris abruptly in horror. He glanced toward the stage again, scanning what he could see of the crowd with wide, fearful eyes, before pulling away from Kris’s touch, his wild gaze darting back and forth between his friend and the stage.

 

“Stop,” he whispered breathlessly, his words all coming out in a panicked rush. “Stop, get away, if he sees you…” His eyes widened as he looked at Kris, momentarily realizing what he’d said, but his panic drew his gaze back toward the stage an instant later, more focused on a more immediate threat than having let his secret slip to Kris.

 

Not that Kris had a clue what that secret might be.

 

Kris frowned, an uneasy feeling beginning in the pit of his stomach. “If who sees me?” he asked urgently. “Adam… if _who_ sees?”

 

But Adam didn’t answer. He straightened his shoulders, biting his lower lip, his brow furrowed in concentration as with an effort he steadied his breathing. He swallowed hard, nodding once as if confirming something to himself, already focused on the stairs he was supposed to climb, as the lights in the auditorium went down and his intro began to play.

 

“ _Adam_ …”

 

Kris tried to get his attention, reaching out to touch his arm, but Adam pulled away from him without looking at him.

 

“Gotta give them what they want,” he whispered, shaking his head, seemingly unaware that he was even speaking the words aloud at all. “Gotta keep up the show… no matter what.”

 

Kris watched in dismay and bewilderment as Adam made his way on trembling legs up onto the stage. Allison stepped up to stand beside him as the first terrified and now relieved handler hurried off somewhere in search of another problem to deal with. When Kris felt Allison’s hand on his arm, he turned to look at her in troubled concern.

 

“What was he talking about?” he asked, shaking his head. “If _who_ sees… _what_?”

 

Allison just shook her head, at a loss, staring at the stage where Adam was launching into the words of “Whole Lotta Love”. If his voice trembled a little where it usually didn’t, or if his dance lacked a bit of the swagger he usually carried, the lights and the music would surely serve to mask it to the eyes and ears of the screaming, adoring crowd. Allison frowned as she looked out at the crowd, however, Adam’s words sending a sinister chill of apprehension down her spine.

 

“He was fine last night,” Kris observed, shrugging helplessly. “I don’t get it. What’s going on with him?”

 

Allison didn’t answer, though she found confirmation for her half-formed fears in Kris’s words.

 

 _He_ was _fine last night… before Larissa talked to him at the buses today…_

 _What is he hiding from us? Something that she knows about? Why would she know about it, when he won’t even tell Kris? And who’s the ‘he’ that Adam’s worried about seeing him with Kris? Does Larissa have something to do with that?_

Allison was almost certain that she did. There were simply too many coincidences to exist without some explanation to connect them. Her thoughts darkened with protective anger as she remembered Adam’s expression as Larissa had talked to him earlier that day – an expression eerily, heartbreakingly similar to the panic on his face only moments before.

 

 _So… what did she do to put it there?_

 _What did she_ say _to him?_


	18. Chapter 18

As he left the stage following the finale, Adam forced himself not to look toward the enormous sea of people that surrounded it -- not to scan its numbers for a face that he wouldn't have been able to recognize anyway. That thought alone was terrifying enough -- the knowledge that the only way he would even know his attacker was by his voice.

 

 _She said he's here -- but I don't even know who to look out for -- who to avoid..._

 

"Adam. Can we talk?"

 

 _Except him._

 

"No."

 

Adam replied sharply, immediately turning on his heel and striding away from Kris. Tonight, he remembered as the Idols made their way to the room where the after show meet and greet was being held, he would have to avoid Allison as well. She had seen and heard too much before his set, just as Kris had, and he needed time to think, to figure out what to do, before facing her again.

 

He sought out one of the handlers and claimed that he wasn't feeling well, and could he please go wait on the bus with one of the bodyguards? The handler agreed immediately; they were all well aware of his recent trauma, and the fact that occasional concessions would have to be made.

 

Adam retreated to his bunk, taking comfort in the fact that the guard was sitting at the table in the front area of the bus, and would prevent anyone from getting to him. He lay down and pulled the curtain closed, closing his eyes as well and struggling to focus through the sick sensation of fear that filled his chest and clouded his thoughts.

 

 _I actually said it out loud -- and Kris and Alli both heard me. 'If he sees us...' God, Lambert, could you_ be _any more stupid?_

 

Adam struggled to control the rapid increase of his breathing, the panic that threatened to overwhelm him, his racing thoughts moving too quickly to come up with any kind of plan. He knew that he had aroused his friends' suspicions with his words, but had no idea what he could possibly do to lay those concerns to rest again.

 

 _Kris isn't going to let this go. What if he keeps trying to figure it out? Oh, God, what if he talks to_ Larissa _about it?_

 

Adam wanted to throw up.

 

He tried to shut out the tormenting cacophony of his own thoughts as he listened to the sound of the other Idols getting onto the bus. He held his breath for a moment, wiping at his face with the back of his hand in a weak attempt to make himself presentable in case any of them should try to talk to him -- but no one did. They just left him alone, probably assuming he was asleep.

 

Adam didn't think he'd be sleeping at all tonight.

 

Once in the privacy and quiet of his own hotel room, Adam lay down on the bed, feeling drained and lost and utterly exhausted. All he wanted to do was to sleep and sleep and never wake up again.

 

 _Wouldn't that be so easy... just to go to sleep and not wake up... It would all be over..._

 

Adam thought of the bottle of antidepressants prescribed to him at the hospital -- as of yet untouched, but packed in with his things "just in case". He had taken one immediately after receiving them, but didn't like the way they made him feel. They clouded his thoughts and made him feel too relaxed and hazy.

 

And in his situation, he had to be alert and aware at all times.

 

He had to know what was going on around him.

 

 _But... maybe you don't..._

 

For the first time since his entire ordeal had begun, as the pain and the threats and the terrifying, very real possibility of his friends finding out his secret began to close in on him -- Adam considered another, far darker use for those untouched antidepressants.

 

 _It'd be so easy... you'd just go to sleep... and never wake up again..._

 

The phone rang, startling him out of his dark reverie, and Adam stared at it for a moment through wide, frightened eyes. His heart leapt up into his throat as a single thought flooded his mind.

 

 _He saw me with Kris. He saw me and he told her and it's her..._

 

He hesitated, biting his lower lip, dreading the thought of answering the phone. Finally, more afraid of Larissa's anger if he didn't answer her call than of the call itself, Adam picked up the receiver in a trembling hand and held it to his ear. His voice was barely a breath as he ventured to speak.

 

"H-hello?"

 

"Adam?" His fears faded into short-lived relief as he registered Allison's voice -- and then, with alarm, the fact that she was obviously crying. "Adam, are you there?"

 

"Yeah." Adam raised his voice, sitting up on the bed, suddenly alert. "Alli, what is it? What's the matter?"

 

"I need you," she whimpered, her voice cracked and hoarse with tears. "C-can you... can you come here? To my room?"

 

"Of course, Alli, just a minute," Adam answered without hesitation, leaning down and reaching for a pair of flip flops he'd left under the edge of the bed. "I'll be right there."

 

It never occurred to him not to go to her. He could hear the desperation in her voice, and knew only that if she needed him, he had no choice but to be there for her. He reached her room less than two minutes later, knocking quickly and waiting with an impatiently tapping foot for her to open the door.

 

It opened a moment later, and Adam went inside, frowning in confusion at the sight of Allison sitting on the edge of her bed, her arms crossed over her chest -- the picture of composure.

 

“You… you were crying,” he stated dumbly, shaking his head in confusion.

 

Allison gave him an apologetic grimace, clarifying quietly, “I was _acting_. I’m a seventeen-year-old girl, Adam. I’m… pretty good at faking tears.”

 

Then, unexpectedly, Adam heard the door close behind him… and then it registered.

 

Allison had not been the one to open the door.

 

Adam spun around in alarm, dismayed to see Kris standing behind him, leaning up against the door with his arms crossed, his jaw set in determination.

 

"Adam," he stated softly. "We need to talk."

 

Adam's mouth was dry, his heart racing, as he shook his head. "No," he whispered. "No, we don't."

 

"We do," Kris insisted gently. "Something's going on... something that involves me, only you haven't told me about it... and you really need to, Adam. Whatever it is... it's obviously killing you."

 

"No, this... this isn't fair, you two..." Adam turned and glared at Allison, pointing an accusing finger in her direction before turning back toward Kris. "You _tricked_ me!"

 

"It was the only way I knew you'd come," Allison softly explained. When Adam looked back at her, she swallowed hard, her eyes round and her expression suddenly self-conscious. She rose to her feet, glancing toward the door to her mother's adjoining room. "And... on that note... I'm gonna leave you two alone for a bit..."

 

"No!" Adam objected sharply, moving purposefully toward the door. "Kris, get away from the door. I'm going back to my room."

 

Kris met his gaze with eyes that were gentle but unyielding. His voice was very soft but very certain as he replied without moving an inch.

 

"No you're not."

 

"Kris... you can't do this. You can't make me..." Adam's voice broke as he struggled with his own rising panic. "I can't... _be_ here..."

 

"Why not?" Kris pressed, taking a step forward, his eyes narrowed slightly as he searched Adam's face. "Because... someone will see us together? And... that's bad?"

 

Adam looked away, despairing, well aware that at this point it was too late to deny what Kris had already heard from his own lips. Kris nodded once in confirmation of the unspoken answer he read in Adam's reaction.

 

"Okay," he continued slowly. "Then... who? Who isn't supposed to see us together, Adam? What is going on here, and what does it have to do with me?"

 

Adam swallowed hard, the motion painful as he lowered his head and closed his eyes. His voice was a desperate, aching whisper.

 

"I _can't... tell_ you," he insisted.

 

"Adam." He flinched but did not pull away when he felt the light, reassuring touch of Kris's hand on his arm. "Adam, come on. Of course you can. You can tell me anything, remember?"

 

Adam felt the tears building behind his eyes at the compassionate, caring touch -- just what he needed so badly, and just what he had to make Kris take back. He felt his emotions spinning out of his control, warring with his knowledge of what he had to do to protect them.

 

"N-not this," he insisted weakly, his voice coming out in a choked, tearful whimper. "I can't... can't tell you this, Kris. I want to, but... I _can't_..."

 

Kris edged forward into Adam's space, cautious and wary lest he should frighten his already skittish friend. One of Kris's warm hands rose to rest at the back of Adam's neck, the soft pressure steadying and reassuring. His other arm slid around Adam's waist to tug him gently closer.

 

"Shhh, it's okay. Come here. It's all right," Kris soothed him.

 

Adam wanted nothing more than to collapse into the embrace Kris offered, to accept the comfort and closeness he'd been longing for -- but he knew that he couldn't. Abruptly he pushed Kris back with weak, trembling hands.

 

"N-no, he can't... can't see..."

 

"That's right, Adam." Kris's voice was softly insistent as he moved with Adam, not letting him pull away, waiting until Adam met his eyes to shake his head and offer a reassuring smile. "He _can't_ see. He can't see us in here, okay? Whoever he is... why ever he's watching... it's safe in here. He _can't see_."

 

Adam's eyes widened as he considered that, but then he shook his head again, pulling free and stumbling backward toward the bed. "No, he... he knows I'm in here..."

 

Kris frowned, troubled, thinking. "Because... he's watching you," he guessed.

 

Adam nodded hurriedly, drawing in a halting breath that was almost a sob.

 

"Then... he couldn't possibly have been watching me, too," Kris reasoned, eyebrows raised speculatively as he took a couple of cautious steps toward Adam. "He can't be in two places at once -- and I've been here for nearly an hour. So... he might know you're in here... talking to Alli... but he has no idea _I'm_ here... so... again..." Kris gave an exaggerated nod and smile as he repeated, "... we're safe. Okay?"

 

Adam glanced toward the door, sick with fear, wanting desperately to believe what Kris was saying. It seemed to make sense; yet he couldn't quite reconcile Kris's reassurances with the omnipotent, omnipresent quality he'd come to associate with his attacker. Despite the logic of Kris's words, there was a very strong part of Adam that couldn't help but believe that somehow, however impossible it might seem, Larissa's guy would _know_ , and would punish him for it.

 

He shook his head slowly as Kris moved toward him, taking another backward step that caused him to sit down hard on the side of the bed. His shoulders shook with defeated tears, and he covered his face with his hands as Kris reached him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. Kris sat down slowly beside him, reaching up to take Adam's hands in his own and pull them gently away from his face.

 

"Come here," Kris whispered, wrapping a surprisingly strong arm around Adam and pulling his head down toward Kris's shoulder. "Come on, Adam. It's okay. Come here."

 

Adam couldn’t resist anymore, not as desperately as he’d longed for this for the past few weeks. He allowed himself to be held, burying his face in the crook of Kris’s neck, his hot tears soaking through the soft fabric of Kris’s t-shirt.

 

“I can’t,” he insisted still, shaking his head slowly against Kris’s neck. “I c-can’t… tell you…”

 

Kris was quiet for a moment, his hand stroking slow, soothing lines up and down Adam’s back. Finally he spoke, soft strength in his quiet, soothing voice.

 

“You don’t have to, Adam. It’s all right. You don’t have to tell me anything. But… you can let me be here with you for a little while, all right? Just let me do this…”

 

Adam was still for a moment, wrestling with the last remnants of his resolve. At last he nodded slowly, his shaking hands rising to return Kris’s embrace. Kris slid back, pulling Adam with him, until his back was braced against the headboard, then settled in, drawing Adam in close against him and holding him tight.

 

“It’s all right,” he whispered again and again, stroking Adam’s back, his hair, his face, doing his best to fight a monster he couldn’t see or even identify. “It’s all right. Whatever’s out there… whatever you’re scared of… it can’t get in here. You’re safe, Adam. In here, you’re safe."


	19. Chapter 19

Kris didn’t know exactly how long they stayed there on the bed, Kris just holding Adam close and letting him cry until the soft fabric of Kris’s shirt was soaked through with his tears. He just gently rubbed Adam’s back, murmuring the occasional reassuring phrase, but mostly just letting Adam take comfort in the long-withheld release of his pain and fear.

 

Even after Adam was too exhausted to cry anymore, his tears long since gone dry, he still clung to Kris with a desperation that tore at Kris’s heart – as if he was afraid to ever let go. Kris just kept stroking his hand up and down Adam’s back in a slow, soothing motion.

 

“It’s okay, Adam,” he whispered. “I’m here. You’re all right…”

 

As a peaceful, weary stillness fell over them, Adam finally raised his head slightly, still not quite able to raise his tearful eyes from their focus somewhere around Kris’s stomach. His voice was halting, small and hesitant when at last he ventured to speak, his fingers still clenched tightly in the soft cotton at Kris’s sides.

 

“I-I’m so sorry, Kris…”

 

“No, don’t be…” Kris immediately began to reassure him, but Adam pressed on.

 

“No, r-really, I… I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to… to push you away. I kn-know I hurt you, and I’d _never_ hurt you, Kris, you have to know that, but I didn’t… _don’t_ … have a ch- _choice_ , and… I _want_ to talk to you, I want to tell you everything, but I can’t, Kris, I just _can’t_ …”

 

“Hey, shhh,” Kris gently soothed Adam as his words became more and more rushed, gradually edging toward panic again. “Shhh, it’s all right…” He tightened his arms around Adam, one hand guiding his head back down onto Kris’s shoulder and just quietly holding him until he seemed to calm down again.

 

Kris hesitated, a pensive frown creasing his brow as he struggled with what he wanted to say. Finally, he cautiously ventured to speak.

 

“Adam… if someone’s… threatening you… if there’s someone you’re afraid of, then… then you should tell someone. They can’t hurt you if they’re in jail, can they?”

 

Adam went very still in Kris’s arms, but he didn’t raise his head. He swallowed hard, the sound audible in the heavy stillness of the room. When he finally replied, his voice was hushed, fearful.

 

“It… it isn’t that simple…”

 

He offered no further explanation, and Kris let out a slow sigh, nodding once in reluctant acceptance. “Okay…”

 

“And…” Adam hesitated, and for a moment Kris wasn’t sure he was going to go on at all. “… and you… you wouldn’t… believe me…”

 

His voice was so soft that Kris barely caught the words at all – but when he did, his eyes widened with disbelief, and he reached down a gentle hand to touch Adam’s chin, firmly tilting his head up in an attempt to make him face him. Adam submitted to the motion, but kept his eyes averted, visibly trembling as he bit his lip and struggled to keep his emotions at bay.

 

“Adam… Adam, look at me…”

 

Adam closed his eyes, swallowing back a soft sob.

 

“ _Look at me_.” Kris persisted gently. He waited until Adam raised wide blue eyes, shimmering with unshed tears, to reluctantly meet his own, before going on in a tone of quiet intensity. “I will believe you. Do you hear me, Adam? I swear to you _I will believe you_.”

 

Kris felt Adam’s jaw quivering under his hand, saw the visible struggle on his face to keep it together – saw that he was mere moments away from breaking down again. His voice was small and trembling and lost as he stammered out a confused, frightened response.

 

“I… I d-don’t know… I _can’t_ …”

 

He was on the verge of shutting down again – of shutting _Kris out_ again – and no matter what happened, Kris couldn’t allow that to happen. He couldn’t do anything to help Adam if Adam wouldn’t let him in. This was more progress than he’d been able to make since the kidnapping, and he was unwilling to let it go. He pulled Adam close again, running a hand gently through his hair as Adam rested his brow against Kris’s shoulder once more.

 

“It’s all right,” Kris repeated. “It’s okay, Adam, I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me anything, okay? I’m here for you no matter what. I just… I want you to know that if you want to, I’ll listen, and I swear to you I’ll be on your side. Okay? I need you to know that.”

 

Adam’s silent nod against Kris’s shoulder was all the affirmation he was going to get.

 

A few more minutes passed in weighted silence before Adam spoke again, a broken desperation in his voice. “Please… please don’t tell anybody about this…”

 

“Of course not,” Kris assured him with mild indignation. “Adam, I would _never_ …”

 

“No, about… about _any_ of this,” Adam clarified softly, raising his head to urgently meet Kris’s confused gaze. “No one can know that we were together at all tonight.”

 

Understanding dawned in Kris’s expression, though he was still puzzled. “Because of… the guy who’s watching you. The guy you’re scared of.”

 

Adam nodded, his eyes lowered in shame. “We can’t let anyone know that we’re… t-talking again. No one. Not the others, not the… the crew, or the handlers. No one. Not… not even Larissa, Kris.”

 

Kris’s frown deepened and he shook his head slightly. “Why not Larissa?” he asked with a note of curiosity in his voice. “She’s nowhere near here. There’s no way _she_ could accidentally tell anyone…”

 

Kris was sure he wasn’t imagining the way Adam’s face suddenly paled, and the slight shudder that passed through him, his grip on Kris’s t-shirt tightening. His eyes were wide and trapped, looking anywhere but at Kris’s face, as he stumbled over an awkward non-explanation.

 

“We just c-can’t… can’t tell _anyone_ , Kris. Not anyone at all. It’s s-safer that way. _Please_.”

 

Kris’s mind was unwillingly drawn back to his conversation with Allison, and what she’d told him about Larissa’s conversation with Adam just before the buses had left the last hotel. A sick, uneasy feeling began in the pit of his stomach, and he mentally debated for a few moments before reaching out to tilt Adam’s head up again, silently demanding eye contact.

 

It made Kris feel a little sicker, the way Adam so submissively met his gaze, yielding to the guidance of his hand – as if even with Kris, he was somehow afraid to disobey what he knew was expected of him. His eyes were wide and terrified, filled with dread at the idea that Kris might somehow find out what it was that he was still hiding. Kris almost changed his mind and let it go, taking pity on Adam’s broken state – but he had to know whether or not Allison’s suspicions bore any truth.

 

“Adam…” he began, drawing in a deep breath and letting out the rest of his words in a rush. “What did Rissa say to you by the bus yesterday?”

 

Adam’s gaze was suddenly stricken, his lips parted and trembling in alarm that was clearly visible in his eyes. “N-nothing,” he whispered, shaking his head – nothing about his tone or appearance in any way convincing. “Nothing important, she j-just… said goodbye, Kris, it was nothing…”

 

Now _Kris_ was alarmed, by Adam’s reaction to what he had hoped was a question with a simple and reassuring answer. He sat up straight on the bed, reaching out to grasp Adam’s arm as Adam instinctively pulled away.

 

“Adam, _tell me_!” he insisted, fearful. “What does any of this have to do with Larissa?”

 

Adam flinched violently away from Kris’s hand, his eyes wide and panicked as he withdrew, scrambling backward across the bed until he got to his feet. In an instant he went from lying close in Kris’s arms to standing, his back pressed hard against the wall beside the bed, trembling violently. He shook his head desperately, his breath ragged and shallow as he tried to withdraw further, though there was nowhere to go.

 

“Nothing,” he desperately insisted. “Nothing, it’s nothing to do with her, I swear.” As Kris rose from the bed and came toward him, Adam flinched again, his arms crossed over his torso in a pitiful defense, his face turned away against the wall. He closed his eyes as if to shut Kris out, shaking his head and pleading in a broken whimper. “Please, Kris, it’s nothing. Stop, don’t make me… don’t make me…”

 

Kris stopped just short of touching him, silent and troubled, his heart racing with dread as his mind tried to fathom what Larissa could possibly have to do with this whole mess. He considered for a long moment, taking in Adam’s heartbreaking posture of pleading desperation, and making a decision that would leave him tormented with questions, but might give Adam a little peace for the moment.

 

“I won’t, Adam,” he murmured, cautiously touching Adam’s arm, then edging in closer to steady him with both hands on his forearms. “I… I won’t ask you again, all right? I promise. It’s… your business. You don’t have to say anything.”

 

“D-don’t tell her,” Adam whispered, his head lowered in defeat, unconsciously leaning forward a little into the comfort of Kris’s touch. “Please…”

 

Some deep instinct was breaking through Kris’s mental defenses, whispering insistently in his mind that there was far more to this than he had imagined – far more than he really wanted to know. He felt a roiling nausea rising up in his throat as various ideas and implications circled in his mind, and he desperately _needed_ to know which of them, if any, was the truth.

 

 _But not as bad as_ Adam _needs to feel_ safe _right now…_

 

“I won’t say a word to her, Adam,” Kris promised. “This is between you and me, not her. I won’t tell her anything you don’t want me to, okay? I promise. All right?”

 

Adam nodded haltingly, drawing in a sharp, shuddering breath.

 

“Hey,” Kris murmured, trying to draw his focus. “Look at me, Adam. Hey.”

 

As Adam slowly looked up at him, looking more exhausted and shaken than ever, Kris wrestled momentarily with the decision of whether or not to tell Adam what he was thinking. Had their friendship been in its normal state, he would have told Adam long before. No, Adam was so perceptive when it came to Kris, Adam probably would have told _him_ before he even _knew –_ but they hadn’t been speaking, and there was a lot that Adam didn’t know about Kris’s life these days.

 

Going into this conversation, Kris wouldn’t have dreamed of sharing his own drama. It hadn’t seemed to matter when faced with what Adam was going through, what he needed to somehow get out.

 

Now, in the light of the half-revelations he’d gleaned from this encounter, Kris thought that this bit of news might be particularly comforting to his friend.

 

“Wanna know something?” Kris ventured with a tentative half-smile, shaking his head slightly. “You don’t really have to worry about me saying anything to Larissa, even if I wanted to – which I really don’t. And… I guess that’s sort of the point. I hardly talk to her – not about anything important, anyway – anymore, and… and I think… I think she’s not really… who I thought she was when we got together. I think… maybe it was just a… a rebound thing? You know, after Katy? And… I guess what I’m really trying to say here, is…”

 

Adam was staring at him, wide-eyed, but Kris wasn’t quite looking at Adam as he finished – didn’t quite see the rising horror on his face that was not at all the reaction he would have expected as he obliviously continued.

 

“… Larissa doesn’t really matter at this point, anyway. I wouldn’t tell her anything at all, because… well, because I think I’m breaking up with her."


	20. Chapter 20

_“I think… I think I’m breaking up with her.”_

 

The last reaction Kris could have expected to his news was the sheer, unbridled panic he saw in Adam’s eyes. A slow, troubled frown came over his face as Adam shook his head frantically, a pleading note in his trembling, desperate voice, rising higher and further out of control with every word as he backed up against the wall as far as he could.

 

“N-no, you _can’t_! You can’t break up with her, Kris, you just _can’t_! She’s… she’s in love with you, and you guys have… have been together so long, and you can’t just… just throw that away, after… after…”

 

“Adam… Adam, shhh…” Kris tried to soothe him as the panic in his voice reached a fever pitch, reaching out to brace his arms and steady him. “Hey… easy. What’s this about? Why do you care so much? I thought you hated Rissa!”

 

It was only a slight exaggeration. Adam had never said much against Larissa, but Kris knew him well enough to sense the tension that had existed between them, and to know that Larissa would not have been Adam’s choice for him. Of course, to be fair, once Adam’s crush on him had come to light, Kris had assumed that it was simply a matter of jealousy.

 

“No, I never said that, _no_!” Adam insisted, flinching at his words as if from a blow, shaking his head rapidly. “I d-don’t hate her, I _don’t_ , she’s… great, she’s… she’s…”

 

His weak, unconvincing protest trailed off and he gave up at last, lowering his head into his hands as his shoulders shook with quiet sobs. Kris was practically holding Adam up as it was, so he felt it when Adam’s legs gave out and he slid to the floor. Kris went down with him, wrapping his arms around him and drawing him close.

 

Beside himself with visible terror and confusion and the agony of the dark secrets he was keeping, Adam instinctively leaned forward and rested his head on Kris’s folded legs, his shaking hands clinging to Kris’s sides as he gasped for breath between the sobs that shook him.

 

Kris felt his own eyes well with tears at the pitiful, pleading nature of the gesture – the raw _need_ that Adam couldn’t seem to conceal any longer. He placed one hand on Adam’s back, the other sliding gently through his damp hair over and over in a soothing gesture. After a few moments, Adam seemed to calm down a little, but he resisted Kris’s gentle efforts to get him to raise his head, unwilling to look him in the eye. Kris gave up, just stroking his hair again as he sought the right words to help his damaged, hurting friend.

 

“Adam,” he spoke at last, his voice hushed in the stillness. “I… I wanna help you. I wanna be here for you, but… but I don’t know what to do. I… can’t help you if you won’t _talk_ to me.”

 

Adam was still crying, though he made no sound. He shook his head slowly, and Kris gradually became aware of the fact that his mouth was moving against Kris’s leg, forming soundless words that he couldn’t bring himself to voice aloud.

 

“Adam, what?” Kris persisted, reaching down again and managing to get Adam to lift his head just a little. “Adam… _tell me_ …”

 

“I’ve screwed it all up, it’s not working,” Adam whispered, and Kris was barely able to make out the despairing words. “I can’t do this, I can’t _do_ this!”

 

“Hey… come here… come on, let’s get up,” Kris murmured, stretching out his legs and quietly urging Adam to sit up so that he could rise.

 

He took Adam’s hands and carefully pulled him up to sit beside him on the bed, never ceasing the steadying reassurance of contact. He put his arms around Adam and held him close, his manner tender and intimate as he kept up a constant motion of soothing touches on his arms, his back, his hair.

 

“What can’t you do?” he whispered, seeking Adam’s averted gaze. “What is it that you’re trying so hard to do?”

 

Adam’s tears had ceased for the moment, but he was still shaking violently, wide eyes locked onto Kris’s lap as he wrestled with his fears, stammering and stumbling over his halting words. There was an expression of tormented indecision on his face as he struggled to get the words out in a barely audible voice.

 

“Th-they… they told me… I can’t tell,” he explained. “I… can’t tell anyone what they… w-wanted. Why they did it. Wh-who it was that… that did it…”

 

Kris felt his stomach lurch at those words, and he gently cupped Adam’s cheek, pushing his head up slightly, trying to get him to face him. “Adam,” he pressed in an urgent whisper. “Adam… you _know_ who did it?”

 

Adam flinched, cursing softly under his breath and turning his head away, obviously disgusted with his own unintentional disclosure. “So stupid, so pathetic…” he muttered, shaking his head, raising his trembling hands to cover his face.

 

“No,” Kris insisted firmly, taking his wrists and pulling his hands down away from his eyes. “Adam… _no_. You’re not, okay? It’s just… whatever this is… whatever this secret is you’re trying so hard not to tell… it’s too much. Okay? It’s _too much_ , and you’re breaking under it. _Adam_.” He ventured a bit more force behind his touch as he place a gentle hand around Adam’s jaw and raised his head, insisting that he face him, waiting until Adam’s wide, stricken eyes met his to speak with slow, firm deliberation. “ _You need to tell me the truth_.”

 

Adam held his gaze for a long moment, uncertain. Then he shook his head slowly, frustrated words torn from him in a lost, broken voice that was nearly a sob.

 

“I… I’m _trying_ … to _protect_ you…”

 

Kris considered that for a moment, not breaking eye contact before suggesting softly, “If you want to protect me… then… don’t you think I need to know what I should be afraid of?”

 

Adam had no response for that, his expression crumpling under the weight of this new consideration, and Kris knew that he was beginning to get through to him. When Adam bowed his head, trying to raise his hands and hide again, Kris firmly held his hands down, pressing them against his leg under one of his own hands while his other hand tenderly brushed Adam’s hair back from his face.

 

“Adam… whatever it is… tell me. _You can tell me_.”

 

Adam stopped trying to free his hands, going very still for a long, tense moment, before lifting his eyes to meet Kris’s again. There was terror in his gaze, terror and confusion… and hope. He bit his lower lip, the gesture making him look like a frightened, vulnerable little boy. Kris felt his heart breaking for his bold, confident friend that had been reduced to such a state. He wanted to tear apart the person responsible for making Adam like this.

 

Kris’s heart leapt with anticipation when Adam whispered, “I-if I do… what happens then?”

 

 _Then… I’ll know_ who _to tear apart._

Kris pushed back the grim thought from his mind, focusing instead on what Adam needed to hear from him. He kept his tone level and controlled, aware that he had to be strong for Adam right now, while Adam’s strength was gone.

 

“Then,” he began softly, his hand still slowly carding through the thick hair at the back of Adam’s head. “we sit down… and we talk it out. The two of us. You tell me… what you need… what you wanna do… and we figure out where to go from there. Together.” He paused, taking in the apprehension in Adam’s wary gaze. “I promise you, Adam… I won’t do anything that you don’t want me to do. But… you won’t have to carry this alone anymore. It’s… it’s killing you, and… and I can help you. Please, _talk to me_. Let me help you carry this.”

 

Adam was quiet, not looking at Kris or making a sound for a very long time. He was trembling violently, and Kris could sense the anticipation in the room, knew instinctively that Adam was trying to work up his nerve to speak the words he’d withheld for so long. Finally, he drew in a soft, shaky breath, and reached up to take Kris’s hand from his hair, drawing it down to join his other hand on his lap and clasping both of Kris’s hands in his. Kris felt his heart go out to him, and blinked back his own tears. Adam was clearly seeking to draw comfort and strength from Kris in order to go through with something that had him utterly terrified. Finally, he spoke, his voice small and hoarse, tentative.

 

“Th-the guy… who… h-hurt me,” he began, flinching even as he said the words. “He was… h-hired to do it.”

 

Kris’s eyes widened in stunned horror. “Why?” he whispered at last, shaking his head, when Adam didn’t go on for a few moments.

 

Adam swallowed hard, staring down at their joined hands, his lips parting and closing again repeatedly as he struggled to make himself go on. “It was… s-someone who… who wanted… wanted me to… s-stay away from you. H-he told me if I… if I didn’t… s-stop talking to you and h-hanging out with you, he’d… he’d…” His breath caught in his throat, and a tremor shook through him as he forced out the rest of the words. “He said he’d k-kill us both if I had… a-anything more to do with you. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to shut you out, Kris, but I didn’t have a choice… I’m so sorry,” he whispered, his voice trembling and heartbreakingly desperate. “I’m so sorry…”

 

“No, Adam, no,” Kris insisted, freeing one of his hands to wrap it around Adam’s quaking shoulders and draw him close. “No, you have nothing to be sorry for, okay? This wasn’t your fault. I’m just… just trying to understand. Why would… ? Who would _want_ something like that?”

 

Adam’s eyes darted to Kris’s for just an instant, but he didn’t answer, turning his head away, his eyes closed. Still, there was something panicked, dreadful, in that momentary gaze that gave Kris a strange sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach. He turned Adam’s face back toward his, his unease intensifying when Adam stubbornly kept his eyes closed, somehow unable to bring himself to meet Kris’s eyes this time.

 

“Adam,” Kris whispered. “Adam… _who_?”

 

“I can’t,” Adam pleaded softly, shaking his head, tugging free of Kris’s hand and lowering his face, swallowing back a sob. “I _can’t_ …”

 

Kris’s heart was racing, his body already responding to what his mind was slowly piecing together, as muddled memories, voices and images, coursed through his mind, seemingly random and jumbled, but sliding into place to form a horrific picture in its entirety.

 

 _I can’t tell you, you won’t believe me…_

 

 _Someone who wanted us apart…_

 

 _… talking to him alone by the bus, and he looked_ so scared…

 

 _I was only trying to help…_

 

 _Oh, God. No. No, she_ wouldn’t.

 

Kris froze, and Adam flinched, though his eyes were closed, as if he somehow sensed the moment in which the truth fell into place in Kris’s mind. Kris let his arm drop away from around his friend, his eyes wide and horrified as he slowly shook his head.

 

“No,” he whispered. “No, that… that can’t be. Not… not _Larissa_?”

 

Adam opened his eyes at last, and the desperation there was all the answer Kris needed. Adam’s pleading, fearful eyes searched Kris’s face with quiet urgency. He swallowed hard, his mouth trembling as he drew in a sharp, shaky breath. When he spoke, his voice was filled with aching, despairing misery, barely over a whisper.

 

“I _knew_ you wouldn’t believe me…”

 

Kris looked at him again, startled out of his shock by those words. His mind was still racing, still trying to process this new and terrible truth; but through it he fought to focus again on Adam’s needs. He put his arm around Adam again, feeling a swift pang of guilt when Adam flinched as if expecting some kind of retribution for the offensive accusation that he hadn’t even really made.

 

“No, Adam, I believe you,” Kris hurried to assure him, pulling him close. “I believe you… okay?” Adam looked at him through wide, uncertain eyes, as if barely daring to hope, and Kris nodded, holding his gaze intently to reassure him. “ _I believe you_.”

 

Adam stared at him in disbelief for a long moment… before collapsing against him in relief, fresh tears wrung from him as his entire body shook with the impact of his dark, terrible secret, at last revealed. Kris just held him close, rocking slowly and soothing him with words he didn’t even realize he was speaking, as he stared in shock at the wall over Adam’s shoulder, trying to make sense of what he’d just learned.

 

It was overwhelming, more than he could take in – but Adam had been overwhelmed for far longer. Adam was leaning heavily against him now, his breath coming in deep, labored gasps, and Kris’s heart hurt to think of how confused and afraid and sheerly _exhausted_ Adam had to be by this point. He tightened his embrace around his friend’s trembling form, tucking his cheek against the top of Adam’s head and doing his best to focus on Adam’s pain rather than on his own anger and confusion.

 

Adam had to know that no matter what, Kris was going to be there for him through this.

 

“It’s gonna be okay, Adam,” he whispered. “It’s all right. It’s gonna be okay…"


	21. Chapter 21

The warm weight of Kris’s gentle arms wrapped around him was soothing and reassuring to Adam as he lay on the bed, his head resting in Kris’s lap. Kris was sitting with his back braced against the headboard. Adam had started out with his head near Kris’s shoulder, but exhaustion had dragged him downward until he was nearly prone, his face buried against Kris’s thighs. Kris had one arm resting across his shoulders, his other hand running slow, soothing circles through Adam’s damp, disheveled hair.

 

The tears, the emotional struggle of the past few hours, had left Adam drained and exhausted to the point of nearly passing out. He no longer knew what he felt, could no longer form a coherent thought, it seemed, except gratitude that kept circling through his mind, and his utter relief at Kris’s reaction to his confession. He had spent so long believing that Kris would reject the truth outright, insisting that there had to be some other explanation.

 

Adam was pitifully grateful just to be _believed_ by his friend.

 

“Thank you,” he whispered, his voice trembling and weary. “Thank you… thank you…”

 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Kris murmured, never ceasing the slow, soothing motions of his hands that gently pushed Adam’s weary mind closer to the precipice of healing sleep. “It’s okay, Adam, just relax, okay? You’re all right…”

 

Adam allowed his thoughts to focus on the low, warm tones of Kris’s voice, continuing to speak softly to him, and he began to drift off, allowing his burning eyes to fall closed, his tense, aching muscles to slowly relax against the shelter Kris provided. It was such a sweet, overwhelming relief to finally let the secret out, to finally share the burden with someone else, and in the wake of that intense encounter, Adam fell asleep.

 

He awakened barely thirty minutes later, in the grip of a nightmare.

 

Abruptly, his peaceful relief was forgotten with a sharp stab of fear as he remembered why he had resisted telling Kris the truth in the first place. His stomach lurched, sick with rising panic, as he thought of what Larissa would do if she found out he’d told. Kris would want to go to the authorities, surely. He couldn’t keep dating her, not knowing what she’d done; he would certainly continue with his plans to break up with her.

 

And as soon as he did either, they would both be lost.

 

He started, raising his head, drawing in a sharp, shaky breath.

 

“Easy,” Kris murmured, gently pressing his shoulder back down. “Adam… relax.” His voice was soft and reassuring, but carried a subtle note of command and confidence that made Adam feel safe and protected. “You’re okay,” Kris quietly insisted. “No one knows you’re here – that we’re here, together, right now – okay? You’re safe. No one’s gonna hurt you.”

 

Adam felt his fears beginning to ease again as his tired thoughts began to fade away under the power of Kris’s low, calm voice, almost hypnotically soothing. His hands rested at Kris’s hips, trembling, desperately seeking something secure and steadying – but he started to relax again, just allowing himself to hear the words Kris was still speaking softly into the stillness.

 

“That’s it… it’s all right… just rest, okay? We won’t let her know you said anything to me, all right? You’re okay. It’s all right, I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not going to let anybody hurt you, Adam. I promise.”

 

Adam was trembling, clinging to Kris, eyes wide against the nightmare images that filled his vision when he closed them. Kris’s cool fingers ran through his hair again, and Adam wanted to lose himself in the soothing sensation – but he knew that he couldn’t.

 

He had to know what would happen next.

 

Reluctantly, he sat up a little, though he couldn’t quite bring himself to face Kris fully. He rested his head against Kris’s chest, his eyes focused on the wall beside the bed, as Kris shifted to get comfortable, adjusting so that his arms were wrapped securely around Adam again, holding him close.

 

“You _do_ believe me, don’t you?” Adam whispered at last, aware of the painful vulnerability in the barely whispered words.

 

Kris was quiet for a moment, and a tremor of panic coursed through Adam before he finally spoke. “I do,” he stated firmly. “I just… it’s a lot to take in, you know? I mean… she’s my _girlfriend_. How could I have _missed_ this?”

 

Adam was silent, having no answer for him. He thought back over the false smiles Larissa had given him whenever Kris was around, the tenderness and affection he’d seen on her face when she’d interacted with Kris. A shudder passed through him and he held onto Kris a little tighter, turning his face instinctively into the soft fabric of Kris’s shirt.

 

“Sh-she’s… really good,” he whispered, his voice trembling slightly.

 

Kris returned Adam’s intensified embrace, cradling him close as he silently considered the situation. “She’s that jealous of you,” he remarked, quiet disbelief in his voice, as if he couldn’t quite fathom that it was possible. “Does she _actually think_ there’s something going on between us?”

 

 _She would if she saw this…_

 

Adam didn’t speak, just held onto Kris, taking comfort in his nearness – well aware that outside this room, he would have to give it up again.

 

“At the hospital, when you were… refusing to see me…” Kris continued, his tone thoughtful, as if he was speaking to himself as much as to Adam. “… she kept pushing me to stay away. ‘Adam knows what he needs; you should just respect that and keep your distance’.”

 

“She m-made me tell you that,” Adam whispered, a pleading note in his voice. “That I didn’t want to see you. She… she told me that if I told anybody… they wouldn’t believe me. There’s no actual evidence to connect her to… to… what happened, and… she said that they’d all think I was crazy since I… I never liked her anyway, and…” His voice trailed off, breaking over the last few words, and he lowered his face again.

 

“Adam, that’s ridiculous,” Kris reassured him gently, running the backs of his fingers lightly across Adam’s cheek, craning his neck in an unsuccessful attempt to look down to meet Adam’s closed, averted eyes. “No one ever thought you were crazy. Sure, it’s tough to think about, but… I would have believed you. I _do_ believe you.” Kris paused for a moment, thinking, before asking softly, “How’d you figure out it was her?”

 

Adam was silent, struggling with his own emotions to find the answer. At last he spoke, his voice quiet and halting. “The… the guy who… took me… he told me that… the person who hired him wanted me to… to stay away from you. And… made it sound like… they’d be watching me, and… in the hospital… I just looked at her, and… and I _knew_. If you could have… have seen her _face_ , Kris… it was just… she…” Kris said nothing, and Adam continued, shaking his head slightly against Kris’s shirt. “She knew I knew, and she… she left her purse in my room on purpose… so she could come back for it and… and threaten me.”

 

Kris’s hands tightened slightly on Adam, and he tensed, instinctively apprehensive. But when Kris spoke, the edge of dangerous fury in his voice was clearly not aimed at Adam.

 

“She won’t touch you, Adam, I swear. Neither of them will. I promise, nobody’s gonna hurt you; I don’t care _what_ they said, okay?”

 

Adam nodded, though he wasn’t really sure that Kris was capable of protecting him against the likes of the man who’d hurt him. He shuddered at the dark memories that assailed him. There was no way that Kris could ever understand the evil that he’d faced during those three days of hellish torment.

 

There was no way that Adam ever _wanted_ him to understand.

 

“We’ll find a way to prove it, Adam,” Kris continued, firm resolve in his voice. “We’ll get them put away.”

 

Adam shook his head, despairing. He felt irrationally ashamed, his voice hoarse and small as he admitted, “I never saw his face, Kris. I don’t… don’t have any idea what he looks like, or a-anything about him. And… if she’s arrested, she said… he’ll… he’ll c-come after me again.” His trembling intensified, and Adam swallowed hard, struggling for control. “We can’t… can’t turn her in. Please, you promised…”

 

“I know,” Kris cut him off gently. “I know, and I meant it, Adam. We’re not doing anything you don’t want to do.” He paused, waiting until Adam had relaxed a little to add cautiously, “There’s just… gotta be a way to catch her, though – to get her to implicate her accomplice so we can get them _both_ arrested.”

 

Adam swallowed back a shuddering breath, shaking his head and closing his eyes. “She won’t,” he whispered, feeling defeated and hopeless. “She’s too smart. If she thought I… thought I knew anything about… who the guy was…” He hesitated, his voice hushed and fearful when he concluded, “… I wouldn’t be alive right now.”

 

“He’s her leverage,” Kris observed, quiet and thoughtful. “She knows you won’t turn her in, because he’s still out there if you do.” He fell silent, and when he spoke again there was a soft horror in his voice. “Adam, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, shaking his head slowly. “I’m so sorry I didn’t know. I can’t believe I never saw it.”

 

*******************************************

 

By the time Kris returned to his room hours later – nearly a full hour after Adam returned to his own room – he was as exhausted as Adam. He finally felt as if the truth was sinking in, the reality of who Larissa really was, a sick weight in the pit of his stomach. He lay down on his own bed, staring at the ceiling, lost in his own troubled thoughts.

 

He reached across to the nightstand and picked up his cell phone, dialing a familiar number and waiting as the phone rang. Halfway through the third ring, his girlfriend picked up.

 

“Hey, baby.”

 

“Hey.” It was all Kris could do to keep his voice calm and level, let alone the idea of returning the endearment Larissa so easily offered.

 

 _As if she hasn’t spent the last month torturing and terrorizing my best friend – as if every word she’s said to me hasn’t been part of an elaborate lie that she’s not only telling but_ living!

 

“Um… listen.” Kris stared at the ceiling, his expression grim and resolute as he thought back over the conversation he’d just had with Adam. “I was wondering… do you think you could make it to the show in Cleveland on Wednesday after all?”

 

Larissa was quiet for a few moments, caught off guard by the question. “I thought you told me not to bother to come – that you wouldn’t have much time to visit, anyway.”

 

“I know I did, but… I changed my mind.” Kris cut her off in a voice that was, to his credit, mild and calm if a bit distant. “It’s just… we really need to talk. Can you make it?”

 

Larissa was quiet for a moment, and her uncertainty was almost a tangible thing in the room as Kris waited for her response.

 

“Okay,” she replied at last. “I’ll be there.”

 

“Good. See you then.”

 

“Kris? I love…”

 

Kris disconnected the call before she could finish the false sentiment that he knew he could not bring himself to return.


	22. Chapter 22

Three nights remained until Larissa was scheduled to visit. She called Kris each night, hoping to gain some clue as to what he might want to discuss with her so badly.

 

He didn’t answer any of her calls.

 

Larissa had three long, virtually empty days with little to do while she waited for her flight Wednesday morning – three days in which to worry herself sick over what Kris wanted to talk about.

 

There were so many horrible possibilities.

 

 _He can’t know anything. It’s impossible. Adam’s too scared to say anything to anyone; I’ve made sure of that already._

 

She tried to reassure herself, but she couldn’t help but have her doubts. And even if Adam had kept quiet, there was plenty of other reason for concern. For whatever reason, Kris had been distant and strange long before this recent troubling phone call. She knew that the cause of his distance had to be something other than the revelation of her secret; because if that were the cause, she was certain that the police would have shown up at her door by now.

 

 _No… no one knows that I had anything to do with that. It has to be something else…_

 

That thought wasn’t particularly comforting.

 

By the time the show ended in Cleveland that night, Larissa had virtually convinced herself that Kris was planning to break up with her. Despite his recent coolness and distance from her, Kris was still every bit the gentleman. There was no way that he would break up with a girl over the telephone.

 

 _Which might be why he wants to talk to me in person. Oh, God,_ no. _I can’t lose him. I can’t lose Kris…_

 

Her heart raced, her mouth dry with panic as Kris caught her eye across the room where the after-show meet-and-greet was being held. Her legs trembled as she made her way toward him, relieved and yet still unsettled when he took her hand and pulled her in for a sideways hug and a chaste kiss on her cheek before releasing her and returning his attention to the fans.

 

She waited nervously until the last autograph had been signed and Kris led her aside into an empty room off the conference room. Her stomach lurched when he closed the door and turned to face her, his expression solemn and intent. Panic seized her, and she swiftly closed the few steps between them, reaching out to grasp his hands and look up at him with desperation in her eyes.

 

“Kris… _please_ …”

 

“I love you.”

 

Larissa froze, blinking in surprise at the unexpected words. She searched Kris’s dark gaze, unusually guarded and solemn, confused by the unexpected declaration.

 

“Wh-what?”

 

“I love you,” Kris repeated, his voice catching slightly, trembling and weak with emotion. “I… I know things haven’t been right between us lately, Rissa. I know that we’ve been… I don’t know… drifting apart, or something. There’ve been… disappointments, but… not just on my side, I know. It’s never just one person’s fault when a relationship falls apart, and… and I don’t want that to happen to us. I… I want to work things out.”

 

Larissa was shaking violently by this point, overwhelmed with the release of the fearful certainty she’d held that this was the end – that in spite of all her efforts, she’d lost Kris for good. She leaned forward, resting her head against his chest, her hands grasping his arms desperately as tears flowed from her eyes.

 

“Oh, Kris… oh, baby, I thought… I thought…”

 

“Shhh,” Kris soothed her, a touchingly tentative hand running slowly up and down her back. “It’s all right, Rissa. I’m sorry. But… it’s going to be all right.” He drew back slightly, reaching out a hand to touch her face and silently urge her to raise her head. “We’re going to be okay,” he assured her softly. “We just… need to communicate better, okay? We need to start… talking every night again. This is my dream, and I don’t want to let go of it – but I don’t want for it to tear us apart, either. We can make this work. All right?”

 

“Yes.” Larissa was openly weeping, nodding in emphatic agreement. “I want that, too. I love you so much, Kris.”

 

“I know,” Kris whispered. “I love you, too.”

 

There was a strange hesitancy in the gesture as he lowered his head, his lips brushing against hers in a light, tender kiss. She leaned forward, wanting to deepen the kiss – but Kris drew back, biting his lower lip, his brow furrowed with worry.

 

“I think… we need to go slowly, okay? Like… we’ve got some issues that we need to work out before… before we…”

 

Larissa nodded, willing to accept this somewhat inconvenient term, as long as Kris was willing to give them another try. “Of course. I understand,” she agreed. “I’ll… I’ll catch a flight out tonight, but… but…” She hesitated, uncertain as to what Kris would want from her.

 

“Come again next week?” Kris suggested. “We’ll talk every night between now and then, and… when you get here… we’ll see. Okay?”

 

Larissa nodded again, immensely relieved. “That sounds great.” She paused, a hopeful smile rising to her lips as she met his eyes again. “We’re gonna be okay, baby,” she whispered. “I _know_ we are.”

 

********************************

 

Adam didn’t attend the meet and greet. He hadn’t attended any of them since the tour had resumed; management and his fans were very understanding about it, given his circumstances.

 

 _And they don’t even know half of it…_

 

His stomach lurched at the reminder of Larissa – and the fact that she was with Kris right now. That was the largest reason why he’d locked himself in his room so early, unwilling to take the chance that he might accidentally run into her in the hotel lobby or one of the hallways.

 

He understood why Kris had to meet with her. They’d discussed it, planned it. Kris needed to talk to Larissa and make a show of repairing their relationship – for now, anyway. If Kris broke up with her – or even if she thought the relationship was in danger – there was a greater risk of her blaming Adam and doing something to hurt him.

 

“Just until we can figure out what to do next,” Kris had explained. “We’ll work out a plan, but… until then… I’ll just have to fake it.”

 

 _Fake it ‘til he makes it? No… no, Kris wouldn’t…_

 

Adam tried to shake off the nervous, uncertain thoughts that filled his mind – the nagging doubts and insecurities that made him wonder if there was a chance that Kris might change his mind.

 

Adam had been thinking a lot over the past couple of days, though he’d shared very little of those thoughts with Kris. He’d wrestled with his fears, as well as with the certainty that _something_ had to be done to put an end to Larissa’s control over their situation – and he thought he’d finally come up with a plan that might work. He wanted to share that plan with Kris and see what he thought, and had asked Kris to come to his room that night after Larissa left.

 

But… Larissa was very convincing.

 

She’d managed to fool Kris for this long; what if her false innocence convinced Kris to believe her instead of Adam?

 

 _No. No, he wouldn’t. He’s my friend, he’s on my side, he won’t fall for her... But…_

 _… what if he_ does?

 

When the soft knock sounded on his door, Adam’s heart lurched, and he rose to his feet almost involuntarily. He went to the door on trembling legs and glanced through the peep hole to see that, as he’d expected, it was Kris. He opened the door, his nerves intensifying at the grim, troubled expression on Kris’s face.

 

Kris walked past Adam, barely seeming to see him, to sit down on the side of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbing the palms of his hands against his eyes. He let out a shaky sigh, and Adam couldn’t discern what type of emotion it betrayed. He bit his lower lip, frowning, uncertain, as he made his way to Kris’s side and nervously sat down beside him. He fidgeted with his hands in his lap, not quite daring to touch Kris until he _knew_.

 

“Kris… what…?” His voice was weak and, against his will, vaguely pleading. “How did it… how did it go?”

 

Kris was silent for a long moment, not lifting his head from his hands. Finally, he looked up to meet Adam’s eyes. The warmth and sympathy there put the greater part of Adam’s fears to rest, but there was still a measure of uncertainty there as he waited for Kris to speak.

 

“I almost couldn’t do it,” Kris confessed at last, his voice hoarse and defeated. “I just… knowing what she did to you… I… almost couldn’t pull it off. I couldn’t stand it –touching her… kissing her… telling her I _love_ her…”

 

Adam had to look away, feeling unreasonably hurt. He reminded himself that it was all a part of a necessary act. He startled slightly when he saw Kris’s hand reach out to cover his, felt the warmth of the gentle contact.

 

“Adam.” Kris waited until Adam hesitantly met his eyes again to continue, his voice soft and intent, reassuring. “I didn’t mean any of it. It was a lie – and I told it for _you_ , okay? Saying those words to her just now was… the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

 

Adam felt a sweet swell of relief in his chest, and his shoulders fell with the release of his tension – the certain reassurance that Kris was still on his side. He instinctively turned his hand under Kris’s and gripped it tightly, lowering his head and resting it against Kris’s shoulder. Kris raised his free hand to rest tenderly at the base of Adam’s neck, gently squeezing.

 

“It’s okay,” he murmured. “It’s all right. She doesn’t suspect anything – and she won’t, as long as I can keep up this act.”

 

After a moment, Adam reluctantly raised his head, swallowing hard. His lips parted to speak, but he hesitated, his eyes downcast, and Kris frowned in questioning concern.

 

“What?” he asked softly. “What is it?”

 

“I… I think I know what we need to do.”

 

His voice was halting, trembling, as he told Kris the plan he’d come up with, wrestling with his own fears as he related some of the more unsettling details. It was not going to be easy, and there was definitely a certain measure of danger involved – but Adam couldn’t think of any other way.

 

Kris clearly did not like it.

 

“Adam… you shouldn’t have to do something like that,” he objected. His voice and expression were hesitant and apologetic as he amended, “I… I’m not even sure that you _can_. And – it’s definitely not a good idea…”

 

“Do you have a better one?” Adam softly countered, looking up at last to meet Kris’s eyes. When Kris did not respond, Adam persisted. “Think about it. My history – the things I’ve done so far – they’ve all prepared me to be able to pull something like this off. I can do this, Kris.” He paused, his voice lowered and trembling slightly as he insisted, “I _have_ to.”

 

Kris argued a bit longer, but gradually began to yield as Adam’s points became more and more convincing. He offered a few conditions of his own, designed to make sure that Adam was not placed in any more danger than absolutely necessary, before finally agreeing to the plan.

 

Adam should have felt relief, but all he felt was a slowly creeping sense of dread.

 

His mouth was dry, his palms damp, his heart racing as he struggled for control of his emotions. The plan might be the only chance they would have, and he’d already prepared himself to go through with it – but going through with it would very likely mean Kris finding out the full extent of what he had suffered at the hands of Larissa’s henchman.

 

And that was something he never wanted anyone to know – least of all Kris.

 

Hot shame filled his queasy stomach, making him break out in a cold sweat at the very thought of how Kris would react. He couldn’t face the idea of Kris finding out what had been done to him – but he knew that he’d _have_ to. The carrying out of their plan would mean that Kris would likely find out within less than a week – and Adam would rather Kris hear it from him than to have him caught off guard hearing it from someone else.

 

 _But… what will he do? Will he be able to go through with the plan? Or will it be too much for him to fake it anymore?_

 _And what will he think of me when he finds out?_

Adam lost his nerve that night, and didn’t manage to broach the topic with Kris – but he knew that he would have to tell him the truth.

 

And he knew that he would have to tell him soon.


	23. Chapter 23

“Well, I have to get up early in the morning. It’s a travel day, and we’ve got to get an early start, so I’d better get some sleep…”

 

Kris knew it was a weak excuse. There was no reason why he couldn’t get all the sleep he wanted on the bus. Fortunately, Larissa didn’t seem to pick up on that detail. In fact, she seemed so pitifully grateful for his efforts to restore their relationship that she was willing to overlook just about anything.

 

“Of course, sweetie,” she replied. “I miss you so much.”

 

“I miss you, too,” he lied, the words tasting like ash in his mouth. “But I’ll see you in a couple of days.”

“Yeah.” Larissa sounded far more pleased with the idea than Kris felt. “I love you, Kris.”

 

“Love you, too, honey. Good night.”

 

Kris hung up the phone, letting out a deep sigh of relief at the knowledge that he’d completed this highly unpleasant duty for another night. Until Larissa’s visit, he would have to keep up the façade of affection for her – an act which left him feeling ill when he was finished talking to her each night. When he thought of what Adam had been through, and the hand she had played in it, what Kris _really_ wanted to do was far from the sweet words he offered her every night.

 

 _But in just a few nights, it will be over. I won’t have to do this anymore – and Adam can feel safe again._

 

Kris got up and made his way down the hall toward Adam’s room, grateful that at least their plan afforded them the opportunity to spend time together again. It no longer mattered as much if they were seen together – in fact, it would actually serve their plan better if they were -- and it wouldn’t matter _at all_ very soon. Every night that week, Kris had found himself visiting Adam after his nightly conversation with Larissa.

 

He and Adam both needed the comfort.

 

Adam was lying on his back on the bed when Kris entered, making use of the extra key Adam had given him, just in case he was asleep when Kris came in.

 

He never was.

 

Adam gave him a nervous, uncertain look – ever wary lest they should be found out before it was time – but Kris gave him a reassuring smile as he sat down on the bed beside Adam, swinging his legs up onto it and leaning back against the headboard. Kris ran a gentle hand through Adam’s hair, his voice soft and soothing.

 

“It’s all right. She’s still clueless.”

 

Adam’s eyes were wide and solemn as he searched Kris’s gaze before visibly relaxing, lowering his forehead to rest against Kris’s thigh. After a moment he raised his head to meet Kris’s gaze again, relief evident in his expression.

 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he confessed with a rueful grimace. “I know you can handle this, it’s just…”

 

“It’s just you’ve seen my poker face and you know it sucks,” Kris concluded for him with a knowing smirk.

 

Adam shook his head, immediately objecting. “No, that’s not it…”

 

“Whatever. That’s exactly it,” Kris insisted with no trace of doubt or offense in his tone. “Don’t worry, though. I’ve only gotta pull it off for a couple more days. Then, everything will be out in the open, and we won’t have to worry about her anymore.”

 

Adam had seemed on the verge of smiling while Kris was talking about his utter lack of any kind of deceptive skills; however, as Kris went on, Adam’s smile faded away, a troubled, uneasy expression building in his eyes. He looked away, swallowing hard before drawing in a deep shaky breath and letting it out slowly.

 

Kris frowned with concern, his voice soft and gently searching. “Adam?”

 

“He raped me.”

 

The words spilled from his lips in a trembling, breathless rush, as if Adam was afraid that if he didn’t get them out quickly, he might not get them out at all. For a moment, Kris’s mind tried to deny that he’d heard them. The suspicions he’d been carrying for weeks now – intensified by his knowledge of what Larissa had done, and her earlier speculations as to what “might” have happened to Adam – none of it compared to the brutal shock of hearing the reality of it from Adam’s lips.

 

Kris couldn’t bring himself to speak, couldn’t so much as think in actual _words,_ and Adam didn’t look up. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth, his breath shaky and uneven as he wrestled with the rest of what he had to say. When he spoke again, his voice was low and strained with his effort to control it.

 

“I… I didn’t want to say anything, but… but there’s a g-good chance that you’d have heard it in a couple of days anyway, and… and I didn’t want you to hear it like that and I’m sorry. I… I just c-couldn’t…”

 

Adam’s voice trailed off and he stared at the bed between them through wide, distant eyes, looking as if he was a little bit in shock at what he’d confessed. He bit his lip so hard that it looked painful, as if he was trying to forcibly keep back the rest of what he wanted to say.

 

A part of Kris desperately hoped that he _would_ hold it back.

 

 _No, oh God, no, I prayed that Larissa was just being sick and making stuff up, but she_ wasn’t, _and_ God, _I didn’t want to_ know _this, I_ don’t _want to know this, Adam please just_ shut up!

 

The frantic screaming in Kris’s mind was in stark contrast to the heavy, tense silence that had fallen over the room. Adam couldn’t look at him, his face streaked with tears, flushed with shame. He was waiting for Kris to offer some reaction to what he’d just confessed – only, Kris was afraid to let Adam see his reaction.

 

He didn’t want to know any more about what Adam had experienced, didn’t want to have to carry that knowledge for the rest of his life, struggling not to see the brutal images of what had happened every time he looked into Adam’s face. He didn’t want to know, didn’t want to hear any more of it.

 

 _But… what if_ Adam _needs to_ say _it?_

“I’m sorry,” Adam whispered, shaking his head, his eyes scrunched shut against Kris’s silent reaction. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you. I just… the only people that know are my doctor and my mom, and… and she’s not here, and it’s just… t-too much sometimes, and I thought… but I shouldn’t have…”

 

“Adam.”

 

Adam stopped, drawing in a halting, ragged breath, his averted face flushed with humiliation. He was silent, swallowing hard as he waited for Kris to go on.

 

Kris fought back the desire to accept Adam’s retreat, reminding himself that what was important here was what _Adam_ needed – and Adam obviously needed to talk about this. He reached out a cautious hand to touch Adam’s face, tilting his head back toward Kris and silently urging Adam to face him.

 

Adam hesitated, clearly unwilling, but finally opened his anguished eyes, giving Kris a look that was half pleading, half already despairing. Kris held his gaze, his dark eyes warm with compassion and reassurance. When at last he broke the silence, his voice was hushed and soothing, an offer rather than a command, carrying the weight of so much more than the two simple words he spoke.

 

“ _Tell me_.”

 

Adam stared at him in disbelief for a long moment, as if barely daring to accept what Kris was offering. He didn’t make a sound at first, perfectly still and silent – and then, his shoulders began to shake, his face crumpled, and he lowered his head, shaking it slowly as silent sobs were torn from his throat.

 

“I tried to stop him.” The words were anguished, barely discernable amidst his tears as Kris reacted automatically, pulling Adam close and wrapping his arm around him. “I… I couldn’t… I tried so hard, but… but…”

 

“It’s okay,” Kris whispered when Adam couldn’t seem to go on. “It’s okay, Adam. You couldn’t have done anything to stop it…”

 

 _No, it’s not okay, it can_ never be _okay! Please don’t, Adam, please stop, I don’t wanna know this…_

 

“… tell me what happened.”

 

Adam’s face was buried against the soft flannel of Kris’s shirt, his trembling fists clenched in the fabric at Kris’s sides as he slowly shook his head. “I d-don’t know if I can…”

 

“Let it out, Adam,” Kris gently advised, closing his eyes and resting his cheek against the top of Adam’s head, physically bracing himself for the emotional impact of what he was inviting. “Come on, Adam. Let it out.”

 

“I… don’t know…”

 

Kris swallowed hard, cringing inwardly as the gentle, reassuring words fell from his lips. “Maybe you should just… start at the beginning. It’s all right. You’ll feel better once you let this out, Adam.”

 

Kris steeled himself to enter the nightmare Adam had been enduring alone for the past few weeks, preparing to make a mental note of the things Adam told him – things he might not be able to remember as clearly when he was trying to tell the story to a stranger later.

 

“O-okay,” Adam whispered, sounding pitifully vulnerable and frightened, almost childlike, as his fists clenched tighter in Kris’s shirt and he struggled to maintain some fragment of emotional control. “Okay… I… I was… going back to the bus. With the… s-security guy. Remember?”

 

“Yeah.” Kris’s voice was soft with regret, a burning ache in his throat. “I remember.”

 

 _My fault…_

 

“Only… we didn’t go to the bus. We went to… this… alley behind the arena, and… and there was this guy waiting there… with a gun…”

 

“Did you see what he looked like, Adam?” Kris knew that this was more about Adam’s emotional catharsis than about securing his eyewitness account, but he still couldn’t help asking.

 

Adam shook his head against Kris’s chest, his voice sounding a little calmer as he focused on the details, and Kris thought maybe the question hadn’t been such a bad idea after all. “He had a… mask on. I n-never… never saw his face, the whole time. They… handcuffed my hands… behind my back, and… tied something over my eyes… and made me get into the car…” He paused, and when he spoke again, there was a tremor in his voice, low and self-accusing. “I shouldn’t have got into the car…”

 

“No, Adam. No, you didn’t have a choice.”

 

“I knew better than to get into the car…”

 

“They would have killed you in the alley,” Kris pointed out as gently as possible. “You did the only thing you could.”

 

Adam was silent for a moment, and Kris could barely make out his next words, whispered, muffled against Kris’s shirt.

 

“ _Maybe that would have been better_ …”

 

Kris tensed when he realized what Adam had said – then forced himself to relax, shifting and drawing Adam in closer to him. He didn’t think twice about the intimacy of the gesture as he brushed his lips against Adam’s temple and hugged him close, whispering with unashamed tenderness.

 

“I’m glad you got in the car. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”

 

Adam was quiet for a while then, just clinging to Kris and gratefully taking comfort in the support of his arms around him, and the reassurance of how much his friend cared about him, regardless of what had been done to him. Finally, he spoke again, and his voice seemed to be mostly under control again.

 

“The… security guy… he drove. When the car stopped, they both got out, and… and I didn’t hear the security guy again. The… the other one…” A shudder passed through Adam, and his body tensed in Kris’s arms. “He… took me into this… building. The floor was… stone. Cold. He… tied me to the wall on my knees, and… and left me there… for a while… I thought… thought he was gonna kill me…”

 

“Shhh…” Kris responded with calm reassurance to the fine tremor in Adam’s body that was nearly constant now, running a soothing hand slowly through his hair. “It’s okay. You’re doing great, baby, go on…”

 

Neither of them noticed the endearment that fell so naturally from his lips.

 

“I kept… asking him, _why_ … what did he want… and he just… h-hit me and told me to shut up…” Adam swallowed hard, struggling for control, forcing himself to go on. “I… I think we were somewhere where… no one could hear anything, because… sometimes he’d… take the gag off. I… I think he… l-liked to hear me… hear me screaming.” His voice was hushed, barely over a whisper, and his hoarse, subdued words made Kris’s stomach turn with horror. “There was… a _lot_ of screaming…”

 

Kris remembered what Adam’s mother had told him at the hospital, stopping short of revealing the ultimate degradation that had been inflicted upon him. The rape notwithstanding, Adam had been viciously brutalized, his body covered in various bruises and cuts and burns. He hadn’t simply been beaten.

 

He’d been _tortured_.

 

Adam fell silent, trembling, momentarily lost in the horror of his memories, and Kris focused on gently drawing him back out. He held him close, stroking his hair and murmuring comforting words in his ear.

 

“You’re safe now, Adam. It’s okay. Nobody can hurt you now, all right? You’re safe now…”

 

At last Adam nodded, drawing in a shaky breath and struggling to go on, his words tinged with the dread of what was to come in the dark tale he was recounting. “At one point he… he untied me from the wall and… and made me lie down on the ground with m-my… my hands tied behind my back. I kn-knew… knew what he was… gonna do…”

 

He shuddered, his breath shallow and ragged as the emotions of his memories overwhelmed him. When he went on, his words were barely coherent through the aching sobs torn from his chest, as he kept his face buried in his friend’s shirt.

 

“I t-tried to fight him. I tried…”

 

“I know, Adam. I know you did…”

 

“I d-didn’t wanna let him, but… but I couldn’t… I should have… f-fought harder… I-I couldn’t…”

 

“It’s all right, it wasn’t your fault. _It wasn’t your fault_.”

 

“ _Kris_ …” Adam’s voice was anguished, pleading. “He… he _hurt_ me… so bad… and I… I begged him to stop, but… but he just… _harder_ , and… and I just wanted it to stop, I just wanted it to be over, I wanted to _die_ , but he wouldn’t _stop_ , and I… I can’t… _I can’t_ …”

 

“It’s okay,” Kris soothed him, his voice made thick and tremulous by the tears that streaked his face. “Adam, it’s okay. You don’t have to…”

 

“Why didn’t he kill me, Kris?” Adam sobbed. “Why didn’t he just kill me?”

 

Kris couldn’t answer, couldn’t speak at all – so he just held Adam tight, cradling his head against his chest and rubbing his back, slowly rocking back and forth. Adam’s words died away, consumed by the sobs that racked his body as he clutched Kris close to him, his tears soaking through the soft fabric of Kris’s shirt.

 

Kris felt as if everything in him was shattering apart. He couldn’t bear the weight of the burden Adam had just placed upon him – and yet he had to.

 

Because Adam couldn’t bear it alone anymore.

 

Kris wrestled with his own emotions, struggling to bring them under subjection and focus on what Adam needed right then. Kris thought of the despair, the shame and regret etched into every word of Adam’s story – and his jaw set with determination, his dark eyes blazing with conviction as he gently but firmly reached down to take Adam by the shoulders and make him sit up a little.

 

Adam resisted, wanting nothing more than to hide his face forever in the shelter Kris afforded him – but Kris was insistent, refusing to let him lie down again. Kris ducked his head, trying to catch Adam’s averted gaze as Adam swiped weakly at his tear-streaked face with a trembling hand.

 

“Adam… Adam, look at me.”

 

Adam shook his head, biting his lower lip to hold back a fresh onslaught of sobs.

 

“Adam. _Please_. Look at me.” Kris’s tone was hushed and gentle, asking rather than demanding.

 

Reluctantly, Adam raised his wide, red-rimmed eyes, glittering with tears, to meet Kris’s intent, slightly stern gaze.

 

“Adam, listen. Okay? Listen to me.” Kris paused, making sure he had Adam’s full attention before continuing with slow, emphatic deliberation. “You did _everything right_.”

 

Adam flinched, shaking his head in denial, but Kris went on before he could object.

 

“You did what you had to, to _survive_ it, Adam. You made it. Yeah, okay, maybe you could have fought harder.” Kris shrugged slightly, his gaze never faltering from Adam’s wide, uncertain eyes. “You could also be _dead_ right now. But you’re not. Because _you – Adam Lambert – you_ … are _stronger than what he did to you_. Do you understand what I’m saying to you? He did everything in his power to shut you up – to separate you from the people who care about you – to _break_ you…” Kris paused, a smile rising to his lips in spite of the grim situation, as he shook his head and pointed out, “… and yet here you are. Telling your story. Right here with me.” He paused, swallowing hard, his voice hoarse with emotion when he concluded, “ _Unbroken_.”

 

Adam’s eyes widened slowly, his gaze lowering as he took in the impact of what Kris had just said. Kris eased his grip on Adam’s shoulders, drawing him close again and wrapping his arms around him. His voice was low, earnest and emphatic as he continued, a depth of conviction behind the words that made Adam tremble within his grasp.

 

“You’re amazing, Adam. You’ve been… carrying this all this time. For _me_. Because you wanted to protect me.” Kris’s voice was hushed with gratitude. “Nobody else has ever done anything like that for me. I hope someday… someday, I’m just _half_ as strong as you are.”

 

*******************************

 

Gratitude and wonder filled Adam’s weary mind as he lay there in Kris’s arms, listening with awe and disbelief to the tender, heartfelt words that he could barely comprehend. Over the past few weeks, he’d thought of himself as anything but strong – and Kris spoke as if he were some kind of hero.

 

Kris left no doubt as to the fact that in _Kris’s_ eyes – he _was_.

 

Adam was exhausted, overwhelmed by the emotional ordeal he’d just willingly experienced. But Kris was right; he felt better for letting out the dark, tormenting memories he’d kept to himself for so long. Kris’s arms around him were warm and strong and supportive, and Adam felt himself enveloped with a sense of peace and safety that was rare to him these days.

 

A single thought circled lazily through his mind as Adam felt himself drifting off to sleep, secure in the knowledge that he was safe, and no longer alone.

 

 _God help me, Kris Allen… I think I’m falling in love with you..._


	24. Chapter 24

“Well, I guess I’d better go, honey. Gotta get ready for the show. I’ll see you in a couple days.”

 

“Okay. I miss you, sweetie…”

 

Kris could already feel the relief sweeping over him of knowing that one more of these difficult conversations with Larissa was almost over. It was easier to be convincing over the phone than it had been in person, but it still wasn’t _easy_ , exactly. He would be glad when all of this was over and he and Adam could simply move on with their lives.

 

For the moment, however, there were still actions and reactions that had to be set in motion in order for their plan to succeed.

 

“I miss you, too,” Kris lied. “Oh, one more thing, I was gonna tell you…” He hoped his tone sounded casual and off-hand. “I think… I think maybe Adam and I are gonna be okay, after all. I think… he’s starting to come around.”

 

Before Adam had told him the truth about Larissa, Kris wouldn’t have noticed the half-beat of silence that followed his announcement. Now, he clearly heard the carefully restrained tension in Larissa’s forcedly light tone.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well, last night a bunch of us were just hanging out in my room, and… and he actually stayed a little while. Which – that’s kind of a big deal, hon. Like… he hasn’t willingly spent time in my presence since the tour started.”

 

“Yeah. That’s… that’s great, honey.” Larissa sounded almost genuinely happy for him. “I told you he’d come around eventually.”

 

 _Yeah. While doing everything in your power to make sure he didn’t._

 

Kris’s jaw set with anger that he managed to put down, maintaining his cheerful tone as he went on. “When the others went back to their rooms, he actually stayed for a little while. It seemed like… maybe he wanted to talk to me? But… I don’t think he’s really sure how, after all this awkwardness these past few weeks, you know? Anyway… it’s a step in the right direction.”

 

“Of course it is!” Larissa’s voice carried a note of feigned excitement when she replied, as if she’d managed to regain control enough to hide her surprise and get more into her act. “I’m so happy for you, baby. You two have been so close, and I was so hoping you’d be able to get past this and be friends again!”

 

****************************************

 

When Larissa joined them a few nights later for a post-concert get-together at the hotel restaurant, Adam kept his distance.

 

It felt a little strange to do so, after spending the last week or so with Kris’s constant support close at hand. Still, his desire to stay as far from Larissa as possible made it reasonably easy. Throughout the meal, she would occasionally shoot him a cold, calculated glance when no one else was looking, and Adam couldn’t help but look away, feeling a shiver of apprehension go down his spine, his heart rate quickening with fear.

 _This is supposed to happen,_ he reminded himself. _This is part of the plan. She’s not going to get the chance to hurt you…_

“Hey.”

 

Adam jumped slightly when Allison nudged him in the ribs with her elbow. He quickly recovered, giving her a questioning look, his voice low and distracted.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You okay? You’re acting a little jumpy. And what’s with you and Kris? You two aren’t fighting again, are you?” Allison bit her lower lip, her eyes wide and worried.

 

She had been so relieved when Kris and Adam had started hanging out and talking again. She told Adam that the entire time they’d been apart, things had just felt _wrong_ to her, and she was beyond thrilled that whatever problems they’d had with each other, they’d managed to work them out.

 

“Nah, we’re fine,” Adam insisted, his tone hushed as he glanced anxiously down the table to where Larissa sat next to Kris. “No worries.”

 

“Then why aren’t you down there?” Allison demanded, her brow creased in a worried frown – clearly unconvinced.

 

Adam shrugged, averting his gaze, afraid that she might see too much there. “I just… think he and Larissa can use some alone time, that’s all. He hardly ever gets to see her.”

 

“ _Alone_ time?” Allison echoed dubiously, giving a pointed look up and down the length of the table before raising a single brow in his direction. “Yeah. The fact that you’re not sitting with them really means that they’re getting the chance to be _alone_.”

 

“Just… leave it alone, Alli, okay?” Adam sighed. “I promise, me and Kris aren’t fighting or anything. Everything’s fine… all right? Just… leave it.”

 

Allison reluctantly let the topic go, and Adam was grateful for the distraction when Anoop started telling a story about one of the crazier fans at the barricades the night before. He pretended to be very interested and amused by the story, laughing and involving himself in a conversation that was too far down the table to have anything to do with Kris.

 

Still, Larissa kept casting him dirty looks – and every time she did, Adam’s stomach dropped with fear.

 

 _Keep it together. You can do this… you can_ do _this…_

******************************************

 

Under normal circumstances, Adam would have been happy to finally excuse himself from the group and make his way upstairs to his hotel room. Just the idea of putting some distance between himself and Larissa would have been a tremendous relief.

 

However, these were _not_ normal circumstances.

 

He unlocked the door to his room and went inside, closing it behind him and leaning against it for a moment, drawing in a deep, shaky breath. He closed his eyes, letting it out slowly and struggling to control the sick feeling of panic spreading slowly up from his stomach.

 

“Hey.”

 

Adam jumped, letting out a startled little yelp of fear as his eyes shot open in alarm. His heart was racing, pounding in his throat, even after he saw who it was that had spoken. Kris was standing a few feet away from him in the doorway to his bathroom, a worried frown on his face.

 

“Sorry,” he said softly, crossing the distance between them and wrapping his arms around Adam in a comforting hug. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought… I thought you knew I’d be here.”

 

“I did,” Adam admitted with a sigh, gratefully, lowering his face against Kris’s shoulder. “I did… I just…”

 

“I should have thought about it,” Kris insisted, shaking his head. “My fault. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

 

Adam nodded against Kris’s shoulder before raising his head, giving his friend a dubious look of self-deprecation. “Yeah,” he remarked flatly. “I am _so_ ready for this.”

 

“You _are_.” Kris drew back to hold Adam’s gaze intently, compassion and reassurance in his eyes. “You can do this, Adam. You’re gonna be fine. I’m gonna be right there, the whole time. If she tries to hurt you… tries to _touch_ you… I’ll be right here to help you if you need me, okay?”

 

Adam nodded, swallowing hard, feeling a little lightheaded and breathless. They had planned this – it was _his_ idea – but now that it was actually happening, his mind was filled with countless doubts and uncertainties.

 

“Where is it?” he asked, his voice trembling slightly.

 

Kris nodded toward the bathroom, turning and heading that way, and Adam followed him. Kris picked up a tiny rectangular device about six inches long from the bathroom counter, holding it up for Adam to take it. Adam frowned as he inspected it, looking for the place where a tape might go.

 

Kris smiled, recognizing what he was looking for as he reached up to take the device back. “This is higher tech than that,” he informed Adam with a pleased smile. “It’s fully digital. I press the button to record, and it’s stored on an internal memory card.”

 

“Where did you get this? I thought you were just gonna pick something up at a pawn shop.”

 

“I didn’t want to take any chances that what we got might not record right, or anything like that,” Kris explained with a little shrug. “We’ve got one shot at this, and we have to make sure it works.” He paused, smiling as he pointed out, “Besides… when would I be able to get away for long enough to go to a pawn shop?”

 

“Where’d you get it, then?”

 

“One of the sound guys. I told him I needed something strong enough to record a conversation through a closed door.” Adam raised a dubious brow, and Kris laughed softly, shrugging again. “Yeah, he gave me a weird look all right… but he set me up with this, and that’s what’s important.” His smile faded to a more serious expression as he moved closer to Adam, reaching out to take his arms in a gentle, supportive grasp, focusing Adam’s attention on him.

 

“This is going to work,” he assured him firmly and quietly. “Larissa thinks I’m hanging out in Matt’s room for a while. Matt doesn’t know what we’re doing. He just knows that I need him to cover for me with Larissa if she comes to check on me.”

 

Adam gave a little grimace at that. “He probably thinks you’re cheating on her or something.”

 

“In a few days, the truth will be out and it won’t matter.” Kris dismissed those concerns with a wave of his hand. “Larissa is probably on her way up by now. The point is, she thinks I’m busy, so she’ll probably come straight here.”

 

Adam shivered slightly under Kris’s touch, and Kris moved in closer to him, his hands stroking soothingly up and down Adam’s arms. “You’ll be okay. You can do this, Adam. This is going to work. All you have to do is just act natural. She just has to admit to some part in what happened to you – to say something incriminating – and we’ll have her. Once we have actual evidence against her, she’ll give up her accomplice in a heartbeat if she thinks it’ll help her case – and in just a little while, we’ll have all the evidence we need. Just… remember that I’m right here. You’re not alone in this. Okay?”

 

“Okay.” Adam’s voice was barely a whisper, his nod shaky, as he tried to make himself trust in Kris’s promise. “Okay.”

 

An instant later, he jumped, his breath catching in his throat, when there was a sharp knock on his door. His stomach leapt into his throat, and he turned panicked eyes toward Kris.

 

“It’s okay,” Kris whispered, barely a breath, holding Adam’s gaze. “You’re gonna be fine. I’m right here.”

 

Kris let go of Adam, backing into the bathroom and pushing the door almost closed behind him, turning off the light. Adam hesitated a moment, looking toward the door of his hotel room with dread as another knock sounded, louder and more insistent than the last. He struggled with his fears a moment longer before taking a deep, unsteady breath – and crossing the room to answer the door.


	25. Chapter 25

Adam drew in a deep breath at the door, steeling himself to do what he knew he had to do. He reminded himself that Kris was right there with him, waiting in the bathroom in case things went so far south that he needed his help.

 

 _Not that that’s likely… she can’t hurt me herself… she knows that…_

 

Despite that thought, Adam was considerably less than reassured.

 

Another loud knock at the door made him flinch, and he reached out for the door handle with a trembling hand.

 

 _The sooner I do this… the sooner it will be over…_

 

He forced himself to open the door, adding an extra detail at the last moment to make the act all the more convincing, speaking with uncertainty before the door was open enough for him to see who was there.

 

“Kris?”

 

Larissa gave him a nasty, bitter smirk as she shoved past him into the room, slamming the door behind her. “No, Adam,” she sneered. “It’s not _Kris_. Though, how _interesting_ that you were expecting him to show up at your door.”

 

Adam didn’t have to fake the fearful, shaken state so much as to simply give in to it and allow it to show. He took a step backward away from her, his mouth dry and his heart racing with terror. He shook his head pleadingly.

 

“It’s not… it’s not what you think…” he whispered, breathless and uneven.

 

“It’s _exactly_ what I think,” Larissa countered, with a vicious smile of ugly amusement as she followed Adam, step for step, not allowing him to put any distance between them. “I told you to stay away from him – didn’t I?”

 

Adam nodded, biting his lower lip, trembling violently, before opening his mouth to speak, though no words came out.

 

“And yet… here we are. You’re still trying to take him from me.”

 

“No,” Adam insisted. “No, I’m not. We’re just friends. We always were… you just never understood that…”

 

“ _Please!_ ” Larissa scoffed, her expression cruelly knowing, and Adam felt his face flush with shame even before she went on. “It’s obvious, Adam. You’re not hiding anything. All I have to do is look at you to know that you’re in love with him.”

 

Adam opened his mouth to deny it – but somehow couldn’t. He thought of Kris, hiding in the bathroom, and wondered what he would make of what he was hearing, without the accompanying visuals to confirm Larissa’s words.

 

Larissa’s smirk widened slightly at his reaction, and she slowly nodded. “Uh-huh. That’s what I thought.”

 

Adam fought to prevent his natural instinct to glance toward the bathroom door, hoping desperately that Kris was not catching on to the truth of Larissa’s accusation. “You’re wrong,” he insisted softly, his voice trembling as he finally stopped backing up when he reached the wall beside the bathroom door. “We’ve always been just friends. That’s all.” He paused, swallowing hard before adding with quiet, desperate defiance, “And we’re _still_ friends… and you can’t stop that.”

 

Larissa’s smile faded momentarily, her eyes widening in indignation – before the smile crept back into place, darker and more dangerous now. Her voice was low with an edge of warning when she spoke again.

 

“Oh, no?”

 

“No.” Adam shook his head. “I-I’m not afraid of you.”

 

“Try it again,” Larissa softly advised, a taunting smirk on her lips. “Without the stutter.”

 

Adam flinched slightly, looking away as she continued to move toward him. He could feel the edge of panic creeping into his mind, and fought for control. He needed for her to see his fear, and yet he could not afford to give into it completely. He had to keep a clear enough head to keep control of the conversation and guide it in the direction in which it needed to go.

 

“I mean it,” he insisted, a tremor in his quiet voice as he bravely forced himself to meet her eyes. “I… I’m _not_ afraid of you anymore.”

 

Larissa’s smile faded, leaving only smoldering, barely controlled rage in her eyes as she closed the last bit of distance between them. Her voice was soft but clear, as she replied with frightening calm.

 

“You _really_ should be.”

 

*****************************************

 

Kris was barely breathing on the other side of the bathroom door, crouched on the floor beside the recording device, listening to Larissa’s veiled threats against his best friend.

 

He wished those threats were a little less veiled. So far, Larissa hadn’t said anything directly incriminating, and Kris was afraid that Adam might not find the nerve to drive her to it. In fact, judging from the trembling, uneven sound of his voice, Adam was on the verge of falling apart.

 

 _It wasn’t fair to expect him to do this in the first place. He was brave enough just to think of it. That alone is amazing. If she doesn’t say anything in the next couple minutes…_

 

“ _Why_ should I be?” Adam’s voice was defiant and fearful at the same time, and Kris felt a rush of pride for Adam’s courage. “You’re not the one who hurt me. It’s not like _you’ve_ done _anything_ to me – it’s not like you _could_.”

 

Kris held his breath, aware that Adam had just said the best thing possible thing he could have said to get Larissa to incriminate herself. It just remained to be seen if she would take the bait or not. Kris jumped slightly, ready to get up and go to Adam’s aid when he heard a muffled cry of surprised fear from Adam’s lips.

 

Larissa’s voice was clear through the door, although it was low and warning, when she spoke again. “You might be surprised at just what I could do, Adam.”

 

*********************************

 

Adam’s frustration warred with his fear, and he wondered if Larissa suspected something. He was trying to prompt her in the right direction, only to have her sidestep saying anything they could actually use, that he couldn’t help but wonder if she knew she was being recorded.

 

She was right up in his face, a sly, knowing smile on her lips. Every sentence was carefully framed, expressing the threats she wanted to convey, while never quite with such definite wording as to be in any way convincing in court.

 

If things kept on at this pace, she would leave this room in a few minutes and leave them with nothing.

 

 _But… maybe we can do this another way…_

 

Without warning, Adam raised his hands to her shoulders and pushed her away from him, sending her staggering backward a few steps. “No!” he insisted. “I won’t let you do this! You can’t hurt me! I don’t have to let you _touch_ me! Kris is my friend, and I _won’t_ let you take that from me! Just _get out_!”

 

Larissa stared at him in indignant fury as she caught her balance, disbelieving of his defiance. She stalked back into his space again, and Adam flinched, half-expecting her to slap him. Instead she smiled up at him with cruel triumph, such victory in her expression that he cringed in dread of what she would say.

 

“Maybe you’re right, Adam,” she conceded softly, still smiling. “You’re a lot bigger than me. It’s ridiculous to think that I could ever hurt you.” He winced when she abruptly reached up to grab the back of his head and pull him down closer to her, rising up on her toes to speak directly into his ear. “But I know someone who can.”

 

Adam shivered at those words, feeling his resolve quaking to pieces. He couldn’t help shaking his head pleadingly. The very thought of what she was suggesting was terrifying enough to overwhelm the rationale that this was all part of his plan.

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, shaking his head. “ _Please_ …”

 

“Too late, sweetie,” she sneered, letting go of him and drawing back to meet his eyes again with a cold smile. “You’re gonna regret laying a hand on me.” She turned and sauntered toward the door, a certain smug satisfaction to her pace.

 

“Please don’t,” Adam begged her, the tears in his voice no longer due to acting at this point. “ _Wait_ …”

 

Larissa stopped in the doorway, turning back to him with a vicious smirk. “When you see him,” she said with sly casualness, “tell him I said hi.”

 

As the door closed behind her, all semblance of any act fell away, and Adam fell apart, collapsing to the floor against the wall and letting the tears and tremors flow through him with the aching sobs that fell from his lips.

 

******************************

 

When Kris emerged from the bathroom, his heart broke at the sight of his friend, crumpled against the wall, trembling and in tears. He immediately knelt at Adam’s side, wrapping his arms around him. Adam leaned into his embrace, hiding his face against Kris’s shirt. Kris felt like crying himself as he just held Adam close, doing his best to make him feel safe and reassured in the wake of the ordeal to which he’d willingly submitted himself.

 

 _The ordeal which ended up being useless…_

 

“She didn’t say anything incriminating…” Adam’s voice was hoarse and muffled against Kris’s shirt.

 

“It’s okay,” Kris assured him softly, one hand rising to cradle the back of Adam’s head, running soothing fingers slowly through his hair. “It doesn’t matter. We’ll get another chance…”

 

Adam raised his head slightly, his voice a little clearer as he continued as if Kris hadn’t spoken. “And she’s… not _going_ to. She’s too smart.”

 

Kris bit the inside of his lip, feeling a sinking sensation in his stomach telling him that Adam was probably right. Larissa was a lot of things – most of which he hadn’t known until just recently – but she was certainly not stupid. If she had not fallen for the trick this time, it was unlikely that they’d be able to pull it off a second time without her catching on.

 

“It’s okay,” he repeated, just wanting to reassure Adam, though he had no idea where they would go from this point. “We’ll think of something else.”

 

“I… I already did.” Adam looked up to meet Kris’s eyes, his own red-rimmed and tearful, filled with a strange dread that set off alarms in Kris’s mind.

 

“O-okay…?”

 

“I kn-knew she wasn’t going to give us anything, so… so I got her to do… something else.”

 

Kris tried to go over the conversation in his mind, to figure out what Adam was talking about; but the last part of the conversation had been mostly too quiet for him to make out, and he had no idea what Adam meant. He hesitated, afraid to ask, but needing to know.

 

“What do you mean, Adam? What did you get her to do?”

 

Adam was quiet for a long moment, the stillness stretching out between them, and Kris braced himself for whatever it was he was going to say.

 

“I… I challenged her. Reminded her that… that _she_ can’t really hurt me. So…” He hesitated, drawing in a deep breath and letting the rest of his words out in a rush. “… so she’s going to send someone who can. He’s going to try to get to me again, Kris.”

 

Kris felt his stomach drop at those words, feeling sick at the thought. Adam’s eyes were wide, terrified and pleading, as he sought some form of reassurance – only Kris wasn’t sure he had any to offer. His own fear was far too obvious at the moment.

 

“Adam,” he whispered, shaking his head slowly in horror, “why would you do that? What…?” His voice trailed off in confusion.

 

“At least… if we know he’s coming… maybe we can… can catch _him_ , if we can’t catch her. We can talk to… s-security… and the police… and they can stop him before he can actually get to me, right?” There was pitiful uncertainty in Adam’s trembling voice, his eyes pleading with Kris for reassurance. “They can keep anything from actually _happening_ , if they’re watching for him to show up… right?”

 

Kris stared into Adam’s eyes, fear fading into wonder, shaking his head slowly. “You are so freakin’ _brave_ , Adam,” he whispered. “So much braver than I am.”

 

“Oh, God,” Adam groaned, burying his face in Kris’s chest again, shaking his head slowly back and forth. “I’m going to die, aren’t I?”

 

“No,” Kris argued, reaching down to tip Adam’s face back up toward his. “Adam… _no_ ,” he repeated firmly, holding his gaze. “Yeah, it’s risky… but it’s going to be all right. You’re right. If the authorities know to be on the lookout… it should work. They’ll catch him, and he’ll give her up for sure, and you’ll be _safe_ again. It’s a great plan.”

 

Kris was sure that ‘great’ was an extreme overstatement, but he needed to make Adam feel secure again, as much as possible.

 

“Don’t worry,” he whispered, drawing Adam nearer to him and holding him close. “It’s all right. No one’s going to hurt you again. I won’t let that happen, no matter what. I promise.”


	26. Chapter 26

The following morning, Adam and Kris made their tour manager’s life just a little bit more difficult than usual by calling her to Adam’s room to give her just enough information to freak her out – and hopefully to make sure that Adam was protected from the impending return of his attacker – without really giving her any details at all.

They told her only that Adam had received a new threat from the person who had ordered the original attack on him, and that they had reason to believe that his attacker would show up at one of their upcoming shows. They asked for increased security and a bodyguard to constantly accompany Adam for the rest of the tour, or until his attacker was caught.

Frustrated, the tour manager demanded more information.

“What kind of threat was this? A letter? A phone call?”

“In person.”

“ _What_?”

Kris suppressed a completely inappropriate laugh that was mostly due to nerves, exchanging a cautious look with Adam. The tour manager seemed moments away from exploding. There was a moment of wordless communication between them as they tried to decide how much to tell her, and Adam finally nodded, conceding that task to Kris.

“The attack was… ordered by one person and carried out by another,” Kris explained with slow, carefully chosen words. “The person who ordered it threatened to… order a second attack.”

“If this threat was made in person – if you know who’s behind the first attack – why don’t you just turn them in?”

“Because then Adam would still be in danger, as long as his attacker was still free. If we increase security now, maybe this guy will get caught – and then we can safely name the person who’s behind it all, and put all of this behind us.”

The argument continued for a little while, the tour manager convinced that they should go to the police immediately with the information they’d shared with her. After an intense discussion, Kris and Adam finally managed to convince her that the attacker would not show himself at all as long as the police were involved, and then Adam would _never_ be able to feel safe. To the extreme displeasure of the tour manager, Kris stressed the fact that even the increased security could not be obvious enough to deter the intended attack.

“I don’t know why I’m agreeing to this,” the tour manager muttered at last, shaking her head as she left the room to set their loosely formed plan into motion. “Stay right where you are,” she ordered, turning briefly and pointing a finger in Adam’s direction. “I’m getting a guard to go _everywhere_ with you from now on, for the rest of the tour.”

As soon as she left, Kris rose from the chair where he’d been seated and went to sit beside Adam on the bed. Wordlessly, he put his arm around his friend, sensing without being told that he needed some reassurance at the moment.

“It’s gonna work out,” Kris softly promised. “With security watching out for this guy, he won’t get the chance to touch you, Adam, I promise. But – he’ll try. And when he does, they’ll catch him. And when they catch him… he’ll turn on Larissa in a heartbeat to try to save himself.”

Adam looked up sharply to meet Kris’s eyes, alarm in his own, his voice trembling and uneven. “I don’t want him to get a deal…”

“Shhh,” Kris soothed him, raising a hand to run it gently through Adam’s hair, shaking his head slowly with a reassuring smile. “That won’t happen, I promise. They don’t make deals with the kind of scum who do things like this. But… if he thinks there’s a chance they will… he’ll turn on Larissa, and his testimony combined with yours will make sure she goes to jail, too.” He was quiet for a moment, allowing his explanation to sink in before going on. “It’s gonna be all right, Adam. I promise. It’s all going to be all right.”

*****************************************

Despite the increased security presence – dressed in plain clothes and doing their best to blend into the crowd or the other tour staff, depending on the situation – Adam was understandably nervous as the next few days passed with no sign of his attacker. Kris stayed close to him, wanting him to feel as safe and secure as possible.

There was no reason not to, now.

“I just wish I knew what he looked like,” Adam confessed, shaky and uncertain as he prepared for a show in his hotel room. “If he _does_ show up, I won’t even know that it’s him.”

It was the third show since their conversation with the tour manager. Kris lounged idly on Adam’s bed, knowing that if Adam was just starting to get ready now, he had a good hour before he needed to return to his own room and get ready.

“I don’t think that matters,” Kris reassured him, genuinely considering the issue, a thoughtful frown creasing his brow. “Security is looking out for anyone behaving suspiciously. If he’s going to try anything, he’s going to eventually have to do something that falls into the ‘suspicious behavior’ category. That’s when we’ll get him.”

Eventually Kris had to leave to get ready for the show, but he returned to Adam’s room in time to accompany him and his personal security detail down to the lobby. Adam was nervous and jumpy, glancing around him in a manner that might have been paranoid if he hadn’t had a very valid reason to be so anxious.

If he hadn’t been so, he might not have noticed the stranger standing in the doorway of one of the hotel rooms along the hall. The man caught his eye as he passed, but instead of looking away a bit self-consciously as Adam might have expected from any random person who happened to recognize him, the man held his gaze, turning his head to follow Adam as he passed. Adam was the first to break eye contact, suppressing a shudder and unintentionally edging closer to Kris as they made their way to the elevators.

They had to wait a few minutes for the elevator, and Kris gave Adam a look of concern, his head tilted in an unspoken question.

“Did you… did you see that guy…?”

“Yeah. Didn’t seem weird to me, though.” Kris was not dismissing Adam’s concerns, merely stating his own observation. He glanced back in the direction from which they had come with a vaguely suspicious frown. “Did you notice something? Or… _remember_ something, maybe?”

Adam shook his head, swallowing hard, his mouth dry with unfounded fear. “No. I’m just… I’m just being paranoid.”

Kris said nothing more about it, leaning subtly in Adam’s direction and reaching out a hand to rest casually against Adam’s back in a gesture that was both protective and affectionate as the lighted numbers above the elevator gradually grew nearer to their floor. When they reached the lobby and headed toward the buses waiting outside the door, Adam’s stomach dropped, his eyes widening as he recognized someone leaning against the wall a few yards away from the hotel entrance.

It was the same man from the hallway upstairs.

“Kris…”

“I know.”

Kris’s voice was taut with worry, but calm and controlled. He reached out to grasp the shoulder of one of their guards, leaning in to speak quietly into his ear. By the time the guard turned to look in the direction Kris indicated, however – the stranger had disappeared.

“Get him to the bus,” the guard instructed the others in a worried voice as he headed toward the reception desk. “Quickly.”

The other guards hurried to get Adam into the safety of the waiting vehicle, where he sank down onto a seat in the tiny dining area, one elbow braced on the table as he covered his face with a trembling hand and drew in a deep, shaky breath. Kris nudged him gently across the seat so that he could sit down beside him, putting an arm around him and pulling him close.

“It’s okay.” He gently murmured words of reassurance in Adam’s ear. “It’s okay. You’re safe.”

“Does _that_ qualify as suspicious behavior?” Adam snapped, though it was clear that his tone was a result of frustrated fear rather than anger. “That’s him, Kris. That has to be him.”

“I know,” Kris soothed him softly, running a hand lightly up and down Adam’s back. “It probably is. But now our security people know what he looks like, and who to watch out for. Okay? This isn’t a bad thing, Adam. It’s going to be all right.”

Adam tried to accept Kris’s reassurances, nodding and biting his lower lip, struggling to control his shaky, ragged breathing. Kris pulled him closer, and Adam willingly rested his head on Kris’s shoulder during the drive, taking comfort from the nearness of his friend.

“I can’t do this,” he whispered as the buses pulled to a stop outside the arena. “Kris…”

“Yes, you can,” Kris replied, his own voice low and private to match Adam’s.  “Adam… there’s no place safer than that stage, all right? Surrounded by thousands of people who are all here for _you_ – who _love_ you – thousands of _witnesses_ – there’s no one insane enough to try to get to you there.”

Adam had to accept the reason of that argument, and drew courage from it as the Idols prepared to take the stage. Once he began to sing, as usual, Adam’s fears fell away and he lost himself in the music with near desperation, eager to focus on anything that would take his thoughts from the frightening events taking place in his off stage life. He through all of his fear and frustration and confusion into his performance, and many of the reviews would later refer to it as his best of the tour.

Kris was waiting when he left the stage, and threw his arms around him, laughing exultantly. “That was _amazing!_ ” he declared. “But you must hate me. How am I supposed to follow _that_?”

***************************************

Sheer exhaustion left Adam considerably calmer on the trip back to the hotel. The stress of the past few days – especially the few moments before leaving the hotel – on top of the exertion of his performance left him sleepy and drained. He closed his eyes, pushing his fears out of his mind and dozing lightly with his head on Kris’s shoulder, lulled by the motion of the bus and the soft sound of Kris, humming a song meant only for Adam’s ears.

When they reached the hotel, they found a scene of controlled chaos in the lobby.

Kris left Adam with the security detail, seeking out the guard he had informed about the creepy stranger in the lobby, who had stayed behind to alert the hotel’s security about he situation. The guard told Kris that he had described the man to the receptionist and other staff, but no one recognized the man’s description as belonging to any guests they had checked in. He’d then gone back up toward the Idols’ rooms to make sure they were secure – to find the stranger trying to card the door to Adam’s room.

“He’s been arrested,” the guard assured Kris. “The police took him in for questioning. I informed them of the situation, so they’ve called in the federal agents working on Adam’s case to question him in connection with the attack.”

Kris returned to Adam, who was waiting anxiously, dread evident in his gaze. Kris gently took his arms in a steadying grasp, a slow, satisfied smile spreading across his face. Adam began to relax a little just at that look from Kris, his shoulders trembling with the release of his fears as he spoke in a trembling, hopeful voice.

“They… what happened? Was it…? Did they…?”

“It’s him,” Kris assured him, nodding. “It’s him… and they’ve got him. The police have him in custody right now, questioning him.”

Adam’s shoulders slumped and he lowered his face into one hand, struggling to control the silent sobs of sheer relief that racked his body – a deeply physical reaction to the overwhelming emotions of the past few weeks. Kris stepped in close to wrap his arms around Adam, steadying him.

“It’s all right,” he whispered. “They’ve caught him. It’s over, Adam. He can’t hurt you anymore."


	27. Chapter 27

“So… let me get this straight…”

Kris and Adam sat side by side on Adam’s bed in his hotel room. They had just finished telling the story of their plan, and how it had resulted in the arrest of Adam’s attacker, to the federal agent in charge of his case – a woman not much older than they were who’d introduced herself as Agent Shields.

“Once Adam told you…” She indicated Kris with her hand as she spoke, and he nodded encouragingly. “… that your girlfriend was the one who ordered the attack on him last month, the two of you came up with the plan to trap her by recording her without her knowledge, in the hopes that she’d say something incriminating, only she didn’t. So then, you decided it’d be a good idea for some reason to _deliberately_ provoke her into ordering a _second_ attack, so that the man who attacked you the first time could be caught.”

Adam nodded, an anxious, uncertain expression on his face as he ventured to clarify. “She wasn’t saying anything we could use. And – if she _had_ said something, even if she was arrested, she could still have called the guy and sent him after me. I figured it was safer to – to try to get him first.”

“Safer,” Agent Shields echoed in a flat, dubious tone, a single eyebrow raised in a way that made Adam look away, his face flushed with embarrassment. “Right. That’s why you two decided to carry out this plan without informing any authorities of any kind.”

“We told our security team,” Kris pointed out helpfully – then immediately wilted as Adam had under the weight of the scathing look the agent gave him.

“Right. Because they’re licensed to carry stun guns, and therefore every bit as capable of protecting you from an unknown assailant as any fully armed, professionally trained federal agent.”

“We’re sorry,” Kris ventured to speak up again, speaking for both of them though he was fairly certain that Adam _wasn’t_ sorry – and in all honesty, neither was he, not when what they’d done had resulted in the capture of the man who’d made Adam’s life a living nightmare for the past month. “We just thought that if we told the authorities, they’d get… obviously involved, and it would keep the guy from trying anything.”

“And according to this brilliant plan of yours, that would have been a _bad_ thing.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Kris answered without hesitation, his voice low and respectful but utterly certain. “Things couldn’t have kept going like they were. If his attacker had gone on not trying anything forever, but Adam still had to wonder the whole time when and if he might – that would have been a _very_ bad thing.”

Agent Shields was silent for a moment, unable to find a valid argument against Kris’s point. Finally, she spoke again in a tone of somewhat gentler reprimand. “You’re both just very lucky that Adam’s attacker was captured before he got the chance to do any damage.” She paused a moment before turning her gaze toward Adam and asking, “Do you think you’d be able to identify him?”

Adam swallowed hard, a flash of fear in his eyes as he answered bravely. “O-only by his voice. I never saw his face.”

Agent Shields let out a frustrated sigh. “That explains a lot. He’s being questioned, but he hasn’t said anything yet – not a single word – and that must be why. He must realize that that’s the only way we can immediately confirm that we’ve got the right guy. We’ve taken a swab for a DNA test, but that’s going to take a couple weeks to come back.”

An involuntary shiver passed through Adam at those discouraging words. Kris didn’t look at him, but reached out a gentle hand to clasp Adam’s, seeming to instinctively pick up on his fear and uncertainty. Adam gratefully squeezed his hand, glancing to the side to gauge his expression, but Kris’s solemn face was still focused on Agent Shields.

“What about Larissa?” he asked, a note of steel in his voice. “Has she been arrested yet?”

“Agents are en route to her home right now to take her into custody,” Shields assured them. “Within an hour or so, both of the people responsible for the attack on Adam will be in custody.” She paused, her expression softening with compassion as she met Adam’s eyes. “You’re safe. It’s over.”

Adam’s voice was barely over a whisper, his wide, apprehensive eyes holding her gaze. “Not yet.”

She nodded once with an apologetic grimace, acknowledging his point. “We’re recording the interrogation sessions with the suspect, and as soon as we get a single word out of him, I’ll call you to come in and identify him. Okay?”

Adam nodded, a tremor passing through him, as agreeing to that prospect seemed to make the whole thing just a little more real. Despite the fact that the man would be surrounded by cops and in handcuffs, the idea of being anywhere near his attacker again was intensely frightening to Adam. Kris held to his hand tightly until Agent Shields had gone – then immediately turned and drew Adam into a firm, reassuring embrace, holding him tight and cupping the back of his head in a steadying hand.

“It’s okay, Adam. It’s all right. You can do this, and once you do – you’re going to feel so much better, knowing that this guy can’t ever touch you again. All right? They’re arresting Larissa and they’ve already got him and _you’re okay_ – all right?”

Adam nodded against Kris’s shoulder, unwilling to raise his head, instinctively clinging to the safety and security that Kris represented for him. Kris’s hand ran slowly up and down Adam’s back in a gesture of protective reassurance. The fingers that grasped the back of Adam’s head began playing slowly through his hair as Kris murmured meaningless words of comfort against Adam’s temple.

Adam tried to shut out his fears and lose himself in that comfort, and the sweet, soothing feeling of Kris’s hands on his back and in his hair. Gradually as he focused on those sensations, his every nerve electrified with sensation, and he became acutely aware of how close they were sitting, and how intimately Kris was touching him. His heartbeat began to accelerate and his mouth went dry, and for a moment he wasn’t sure if what he felt was fear or desire.

Then, he froze at the unfamiliar yet unmistakable sensation of Kris’s lips brushing against his temple – and suddenly he was _absolutely_ sure of _exactly_ what he was feeling.

***************************************

Kris didn’t really mean to kiss Adam. The moment after he did it, he froze momentarily, closing his eyes and wincing inwardly.

 _Stupid, stupid, he’s already so shaky and uncertain and the last thing he needs is for me to confuse him by doing something like this…_ __

Kris had not missed what Larissa had said about Adam’s having feelings for him – nor Adam’s weak attempt at denial. He had not failed to notice how in the week that had passed since Adam had told him the truth, Adam had virtually clung to Kris’s side, only feeling safe and secure when Kris was with him. And as much as he had tried, he could not deny that he was beginning to think that he returned Adam’s feelings.

 _Except… what he’s feeling might not be real. There’s a psychological term for it, though I can’t remember what it is. He’s not himself – vulnerable – and to pursue anything with him right now would be taking advantage…_ __

_God, Kris, you’ve taken advantage already._ __

His lips parted to apologize, and he started to draw back slightly, but Adam was holding him tight, his face still buried in Kris’s shoulder. Kris’s eyes widened as he felt Adam’s mouth move against the soft fabric of his shirt in a gesture that was far too simple to be an attempt to form words. He felt something stirring within him, an intense desire to repeat what had been an innocent kiss.

 _It wouldn’t be innocent if you did it again…_ __

Kris drew in a sharp breath as one of Adam’s hands slid down his side to caress lightly, hesitantly, along the line of his hip.

 _You have to stop this._ Now, _before…_

Kris reached down a trembling hand to gently catch Adam’s wrist, stilling its motion as he drew back. He kept his eyes carefully averted, lest Adam should see the desire he felt blazing there. His voice was low and hoarse with the arousal he was trying so hard to keep at bay.

“Adam… _no_.”

Adam froze completely, and Kris held his breath, not sure what to expect, but bracing himself for whatever Adam’s reaction might be.

He didn’t have to wait long.

Adam abruptly withdrew from Kris’s embrace, and Kris let him go as he rose to his feet, running a hand through his hair and turning his back on Kris as he slid his bare feet into his shoes that he’d left beside the bed. His voice was low, deliberately flat and betraying no emotion, so quiet that Kris barely made out the words.

“I need a drink. I think I’m gonna go downstairs. You can let yourself out, right?”

Kris’s heart sank, guilt overwhelming him at the hurt that Adam couldn’t quite conceal. He hadn’t wanted to take advantage of his friend’s vulnerability, but he certainly hadn’t wanted to make him feel rejected, either. He rose, coming up behind Adam and reaching out to gently grasp his arm.

“Adam… don’t…”

Adam jerked away from Kris’s touch as if it burned him, deliberately keeping his face averted as he made his way toward the door.

“Adam, it’s not safe…”

“It’s perfectly safe,” Adam countered, his tone sharp though his voice was trembling. “It’s the middle of the day. The hotel bar will be deserted. No one will even know I’m gone. The only people who wanted to hurt me can’t anymore.” He paused, and when he spoke again, his guarded tone started a cold, creeping feeling in Kris’s stomach, making it utterly clear that Kris was being shut out. “I just need to be alone right now.”

There was nothing else to do, so Kris let him go, sitting back down on the bed and pressing the palms of his hands over his eyes as he drew in a deep breath and let it out in a frustrated sigh. He had never felt so guilty in his life – nor so confused over exactly what he felt guilty about. He wasn’t sure how things had gone so bad so quickly, or what he could do to fix them.

 _What should I do? What does Adam_ want _me to do? What if those two things aren’t the same? We need to talk, but he needs his space. How can I do the right thing for him when I don’t have the faintest idea what that is?_

Kris’s troubled thoughts were interrupted not ten minutes later by the ringing of the telephone. He briefly considered not answering, as he was still in Adam’s room, but then decided it would be better to answer it just in case.

 _It could be Agent Shields about the case…_ __

He picked up the phone and held it to his ear, one hand wearily covering his eyes.

“Hello?”

“Adam?”

“No, this is Kris. Who’s this?”

“Agent Shields. Is Adam there?”

“No, he went… “ Kris hesitated, deciding against telling her exactly where Adam had gone. “He’s not here. Is something wrong?”

“You might say so.” The warning edge to Agent Shields’ voice sent an apprehensive trickle of fear down Kris’s spine, and he sat up, suddenly alert. “Wherever Adam is, you need to find him, then call the head of security for the tour and tell them not to let him out of their sight…”

“Agent Shields… what is it? What’s happened?” Kris cut her off, too worried to wait for her to get to her point.

“Something’s happened. I think Adam may still be in danger…”

*************************************

Adam sat at the bar, sipping from a drink far stronger than the kind he usually preferred.

Of course, he was only sipping because he was already on his second glass.

He rested his elbow on the bar, his head leaning into his hand as he tried not to focus, tried not to think about what had just happened in his room. He had completely misread an innocent gesture of affection from Kris, and in the process managed to freak Kris out so completely that he’d probably never want to speak to Adam again.

 _I thought maybe he wanted me, too – but I was wrong._ Of course _I was wrong. Why would he want me? Especially now, after… knowing what… Why would he want anything to do with someone as damaged and screwed up as I am now?_

 _I’ve blown it – and I’ve probably destroyed our friendship. I should talk to him, but… what if he doesn’t want me to, now?_ __

_But… maybe he does…_ __

As if on cue, Adam felt a gentle arm slide around his waist, and felt an immediate rush of relief at the knowledge that he’d been wrong. Kris _did_ want to talk to him after all – and apparently wasn’t afraid of touching him, either. He smiled, closing his eyes as his lips parted to speak. Before he could, however, the person touching him spoke close to his ear, and the dark familiarity of that voice froze Adam’s words in his throat, stifling his breath with a trapped sensation of panic.

“Hello, Adam. Did you miss me?"


	28. Chapter 28

“What’s happened?” Kris demanded, already rising to his feet and grabbing the keycard from the nightstand beside the phone. “How is Adam in danger?”

“When the agents arrived at Larissa’s home, she wasn’t there,” Agent Shields explained, her tone curt and impatient. She seemed eager to get Kris off the phone and to wherever Adam was. “It looked as if she’d left in a hurry – drawers open and clothes flung everywhere, that sort of thing – and we found a print-out receipt on the bed for an airplane ticket…”

Kris’s heart lurched as he interrupted with a question to which he was dreadfully certain he already knew the answer. “A plane ticket to where?”

Agent Shields hesitated just a moment before confirming his fears. “Here. Based on the time and date of the flight on the receipt, she left early this morning.”

 _Why would she come here herself? We expected her to send her guy after Adam, but what reason could she possibly have to be here, too, especially after he’s been arrested – and especially if she thinks Adam’s told me everything? Wouldn’t that just incriminate her more?_

Kris’s head was spinning with a dozen questions which gradually gave way to one more, more confusing and far more important than any of the others.

 _Larissa couldn’t really_ hurt _Adam – not on her own – so…_

“So how is Adam really in danger, though?” Kris asked. “Larissa had to hire someone to hurt him the first time. If the guy she hired is in custody…”

“That’s just it, Kris,” Agent Shields interrupted, and something in her tone made a cold shiver of apprehension trickle down Kris’s spine. “The man we arrested hasn’t been given a phone call. We had to offer him one by law, but he didn’t take advantage of it. He hasn’t spoken a single word since we arrested him. So – how’d he manage to tip her off?”

Kris’s mind raced as he tried to put together the pieces to discern what Agent Shields was telling him. “So… you think there might be a second accomplice?”

“If there is,” she replied, “then we think he’s the one we have in custody.” She paused, allowing her words to sink in before continuing quietly, “He hasn’t spoken since his arrest, and we were all assuming that it was to prevent Adam from being able to identify him as his attacker. But now, we’re thinking maybe it was so that Adam couldn’t identify him as _not_ being his attacker.”

“He’s a decoy.” Kris’s voice was barely over a whisper, his eyes going wide with horror. “Which means... Adam thinks he’s safe, but the guy who took him is still out there.” His stomach lurched, and Kris thought he was going to be sick, a tremor passing through him with the frightening realization. “And Adam’s alone right now.”

“Kris, you have to go find him and tell him to…”

Kris didn’t bother to listen to the rest of Agent Shields’ instructions, dropping the telephone receiver back into its cradle and heading for the door. Kris bypassed waiting for the elevator in favor of the stairs, taking them two at a time as he rushed down to the bar adjacent to the hotel lobby. There was no time to wait, not when Adam didn’t have any idea of the danger he was in.

 _Which was exactly what she wanted – for him to think he was safe, so that they could get to him again. Why didn’t we see it? Why did I let him go down there alone?_

 _Oh, Adam,_ Adam, please _be okay!_

***************************************

Adam couldn’t think… couldn’t move… couldn’t _breathe_.

Time itself seemed to still as he sat there at the bar, trying to make his mind process what was happening to him – what he had feared ever since the attack.

 _He came back. He’s going to do it again, he’s going to kill me, oh God, please no…_

The man beside him had one strong arm wrapped around his waist, holding him firmly in place. He was standing, his body close against Adam’s side, his smirking lips less than an inch from Adam’s ear. Adam could feel the hard, unyielding pressure of a gun in the man’s hand, pressed against his ribcage in a silent warning. Adam shivered at the feeling of the man’s warm breath against his skin when he spoke in a hushed voice barely over a whisper.

“Keep quiet, Adam. Don’t even think of trying something,” he warned, utterly calm and controlled, his tone leaving no doubt that he fully expected Adam to comply. “If you make a sound or do anything to draw attention to us, I’ll kill… _him_.” He caught Adam off guard with the unexpected conclusion of that statement, and Adam’s startled eyes darted toward the bartender as the man gestured subtly with his free hand toward the oblivious man -- the only other person in the entire bar -- across the room wiping down a tray of glasses with his back half-turned to them. “And then,” he went on softly, “I’ll take you some place quiet and private where I can take my sweet time showing you just why you _really_ should have done as you were told.” Adam shivered as the man raised his free hand to brush lightly along the side of his throat in a mockery of affection, but he did not dare to pull away. “Do you understand?”

Adam nodded hurriedly, his mouth too dry with terror to speak.

“Now, you’re going to do exactly what I tell you, aren’t you, Adam?”

Adam nodded again, swallowing hard, eyes closed in a vain attempt to shut out the horror of what was happening to him. The man’s deceptively gentle touch made his skin crawl with the cruel suggestion it carried; but the words that left his mouth next only intensified the sick feeling of horror and dread stealing over him.

“We’re just gonna sit here for another minute or so and talk… flirt a little… just like this…” The malicious delight in his dark eyes  sparked fresh panic in Adam’s heart, and he had to look away as the man continued in a hushed, gentle tone. “…and we’re gonna make that clueless bartender over there think we’re hooking up. Then, you’re gonna put enough money down to pay your bill, and we’re going to walk out of here.” Without changing his tone, the man tilted Adam’s head back up to meet his eye and concluded, “I’m going to kiss you now, Adam, and you’re going to act like you like it.”

The kiss was soft, tentative – on its surface level, like many first kisses Adam had experienced before at the beginning of the kind of random hook-up this man had described – but it tasted vile and filthy in his mouth, making his stomach roil with sick waves of nausea. He didn’t want this man to _touch_ him, let alone _kiss_ him – but he was helpless to stop it.

 _Helpless… powerless… just like the last time._

 _He’s going to do whatever he wants to do to you, and then he’s going to_ kill _you, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it._

It felt like an eternity later when his attacker finally ended the kiss, withdrawing with a soft, tender smile for the benefit of the bartender, if he should happen to be looking – which he wasn’t. “Good,” he murmured, his tone patronizingly gentle. “Good boy. Now, you’re going to get up – very natural and normal – and get out your wallet.”

Adam obeyed, taking a few bills from his wallet with a trembling hand, not even looking at them as he tossed them down on the counter.

“And while you’re at it… give me your cell phone.”

Adam’s heart sank as he obeyed, placing the phone on the bar beside the money so as to avoid actually having to touch the man. It did no good, as once he had picked it up, the man just slid closer to Adam, putting his arm around his waist again. The gun was still pressed against his ribs under his jacket, out of view of anyone they might pass, as he steered Adam not toward the main entrance to the bar, but deeper into it, toward the back.

Adam felt a chill of apprehensive memory pass over him as he remembered the fake security guard at the concert a month before, taking him through the back exit of the building into a dark, deserted alley way. Just like then, Adam’s attacker led him through a rear exit into a very similar alley, where a similar dark car was parked and waiting.

This time, however, there was no second man to drive.

Adam instinctively kept his eyes down, avoiding actually looking at his captor as he steered him to the side of the car and pushed him up against it, drawing his hands behind his back and binding them tightly into a set of metal handcuffs. On some level Adam knew that he had seen the man already, inside the bar – sort of. Dark glittering eyes filled with malice – a smirking, smug mouth – aided by the dim lighting of the bar, they had registered as nothing more than individual features, somehow detached from the faceless, disembodied voice that had filled his nightmares for the past few weeks.

When the man spun him around to face him, however, in the shaded daylight of the alley – Adam froze, staring in fearful disbelief. A slow, cruel smile spread across the man’s face as he realized that Adam was processing the implications of the fact that he was actually _seeing_ the face of the man who had nearly destroyed him, for the first time.

 _Not ‘nearly’. He’s_ going _to destroy you, Adam. He’s going to_ kill _you. This is it, you’re done._

 _Otherwise, he wouldn’t be letting you see his face._

“No need for a blindfold this time, is there?” his captor softly observed with a knowing smile.

Adam found that as much as he’d tried to avoid looking at him, now he couldn’t look away from those cold, fathomless eyes. He gasped, startled at a sudden, unexpected pin prick of pain in his arm, and looked down, uncomprehending at first, to see a now-empty hypodermic needle in the man’s hand. His lips parted as if to speak, but Adam couldn’t form words as the man led him around to the back of the car and popped the trunk open.

Adam’s eyes widened with horror, his thoughts distracted from his questions of what the man had just injected him with, as he realized what he intended to do next. Adam shook his head wildly, taking a stumbling step backward. The man easily caught his arm and jerked him forward again, and without the use of his hands, there was nothing Adam could do to prevent it.

“N-no,” Adam stammered, hating the weak, whimpering sound of his own pleading voice. “Don’t… please, don’t…”

“Now, Adam…” The man’s voice was disconcertingly soothing as he grabbed his arms and pulled him close, cruel amusement in his eyes. “You’re not going to make me gag you, are you? I don’t think that’s necessary… do you?”

Adam bit his lower lip, shaking his head slowly, blinking back the despairing tears that rose to his eyes. He already felt as if he couldn’t breathe, and the claustrophobia he’d dealt with all his life was rising up with a vengeance. He could imagine all too clearly how it would feel to be trapped, locked into the trunk of the car for however long it took to get to – wherever he was being taken.

The last thing he needed was to have his mouth bound for the entire time as well.

“Good.”

The man firmly steered Adam toward the trunk, and Adam realized with alarm that his limbs were beginning to grow heavy and unwieldy. Suddenly, it seemed like a struggle even to keep his eyes open, and he realized that his captor must have injected him with something to make him fall asleep.

“That’s it…” The cruel, familiar voice sounded strangely soothing and reassuring as he half-lifted Adam into the trunk of the car. “Don’t fight it, Adam.” He paused, and Adam could hear the smirk in his voice, but couldn’t quite bring himself to care anymore through the fog that addled his mind, as his captor added coldly, “It’s the last peace you’re ever going to have.”

*************************************

Kris rushed into the bar, his heart sinking as the bored but curious bartender looked up from wiping down the bar to take him in.

Adam was not there.

“Was Adam Lambert just here?” Kris breathlessly asked, not bothering to move from the spot where he stood, a few yards from the doorway.

The bartender frowned, puzzled. “Who?”

 _Not an Idol fan, apparently…_

“Black hair, black nails, tall…?”

 _Gorgeous… amazing… God,_ Adam _…!_

“Uh… yeah, he was just here. Left in a hurry with some other dude, though. Sorry, bro.”

Kris’s stomach dropped at those words, a sick sensation coming over him.

 _No. No, this is not happening. Not to Adam… not again. Please, please, no…_

He thought quickly, realizing that if they had left the bar through the same door by which he’d entered it, he’d have certainly passed them on the way to the lobby. Also, anyone taking someone against their will would certainly look for a route which would leave the least opportunity for their captive to draw attention to them.

“Do you have a back exit?”

The disinterested bartender nodded toward it, and Kris rushed to the door at the back of the room, flinging it open and wincing as he stepped out into the much brighter light of day. He blinked as his eyes adjusted and he focused on the alley in front of him. He looked both ways, running a few yards toward the street at the end of the alley, calling out Adam’s name – but there was no sign of Adam, or anyone else for that matter.

The alley was deserted.

And Adam was gone.


	29. Chapter 29

The floor of the hotel where the Idols were staying had been closed off to anyone else. The few other guests who had been staying there had been relocated to other floors of the hotel, and the entire floor had been made a make shift headquarters for the hurried investigation into Adam’s disappearance. Agent Shields spoke in terse tones with a couple of other agents who’d shown up, as well as several ordinary police officers. Hotel and tour staff bustled about, making sure that the authorities had everything they needed, and that the Idols themselves were safe and taken care of.

Kris had never felt so useless in his entire life.

He paced back and forth across the floor of his hotel room, desperately trying to think of something, anything that might help them find Adam in time. The door was open, as were most of the doors to the Idols’ rooms, in case anyone should arrive with news, or in case the agents and police officers needed anything. Kris was only vaguely aware of the terse hum of busy voices in the hall outside his room, his mind racing far too quickly to actually come up with anything useful, like a plan.

Mostly, he was just berating himself for the part he had played in Adam’s disappearance.

 _Why did I let him leave the room alone? Why did I handle that whole situation so badly in the first place? I knew that he was fragile, that he’s vulnerable right now – and I couldn’t control myself long enough to keep from freakin’_ kissing _him! Then I rejected him and hurt him, and because I hurt him, Larissa managed to get to him again. If I hadn’t been so careless… so thoughtless… so stupid as to date that psychopath in the first place…!_

 _Oh, Adam… I’m so sorry…_

All at once, the ding of the elevator doors just down the hall from Kris’s room drew his attention, and Kris stepped out into the hall, some desperate, illogical part of his mind hoping that maybe, _maybe_ Adam had managed to make it back on his own. As soon as he heard the familiar voice coming out of the elevator, however, Kris wanted to retreat again, his guilt intensifying with the knowledge of his own responsibility for Adam’s plight – and the fact that the woman making her way down the hallway toward him must certainly blame him.

 _If it wasn’t for you, he’d be safe in his room right now._

 _If it wasn’t for you, he’d never have been kidnapped and raped in the first place._

The words echoing through his mind were clearly spoken in Leila Lambert’s voice, though she had never said anything of the kind to Kris – not aloud, anyway. He wouldn’t blame her for thinking it – was almost certain that she did.

When her eyes caught his, Kris wanted to flee, to hide in the safety of his own room – but he knew that he owed her, and _Adam_ , much more than that. He steeled himself as she approached, biting his lower lip and refusing to look away from her intent, piercing gaze. Her eyes were clear, alert, but the taut, weary expression on her face spoke of fear and exhaustion. Kris braced himself for her righteous anger as she opened her mouth to speak.

“Oh, Kris… how’re you doing, sweetie?”

All at once and completely unexpectedly, Kris found himself enveloped in the warmth of relief and reassurance as Leila Lambert wrapped her arms around him and drew him close, holding him firmly for a few moments before drawing back to meet his eyes again, a compassionate question in her own.

“I-I’m fine. I’m… I’m sorry,” Kris stammered, unsure how to answer her question, or how to tell her what he felt he needed to say.

Leila just shook her head, her tone dismissive as she cut him off gently. “No, Kris. None of this is your fault. Let’s not waste time on anything so silly.” She turned and took his arm, leading him down the hallway back toward his room. “Come on. Let’s just get away from all this chaos for a few minutes, and talk about what we’re going to do to find my son and bring him home.”

********************************

As Adam slowly drifted back toward consciousness, the first thing he was aware of was the dull ache pounding in the back of his skull. He was lying on his side, shivering from the cold seeping through his clothing from the hard surface on which he lay. He opened his eyes with an effort, blinking until his vision came into focus, disoriented and trying to remember where he was and what had happened.

His eyes widened with alarm when he looked up to see that his wrists were handcuffed together over his head, fastened to a point on the wall, a few inches above the floor. As the terrifying memories of his last waking moments flooded back, Adam’s mouth went dry, his heart thudding in his chest as he hurriedly scanned the bare room around him with wide, fearful eyes.

He was in what appeared to be an empty warehouse of some kind, with bare stone floor and walls, dimly lit by nothing more than two plain bulbs hanging from the ceiling on opposite sides of the room. One of them was almost directly over his head, illuminating the entire area around him. He let out a shaky sigh, momentarily relaxing a little.

For the moment, he appeared to be alone.

He tugged on the handcuffs at his wrists, testing their strength, and was disappointed to find that they held firm. Drawing his knees up under him, Adam pulled himself up to a half-kneeling, half-sitting position near the wall, bracing his back against it and scanning the room again, trying to get a better view of his surroundings, his mind racing as he tried to process his situation, and what he could possibly do about it.

 _Think, Adam._ Think. _You have_ got _to figure out a way to get out of this. He’s going to kill you, he’s already made that clear. If you can’t find a way to get free before he comes back…_

His heart sank as his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps crunching on gravel outside the thin walls of the building, accompanied by voices.

 _Two sets of footsteps… and two voices. He’s not alone. He’s with… with_ her…

Adam realized the truth with alarm, feeling a sick shudder of apprehension pass through him with the knowledge that Larissa had come along for – whatever his abductor was about to do to him. Then again, he supposed he shouldn’t find it surprising. She hated him with enough passion and intensity to have organized this entire nightmare from the beginning. Why wouldn’t she want to be there to take part in her ultimate revenge?

The metal door swung open with a slow creak, then closed again behind Larissa and her hired accomplice, both of them cloaked in shadow across the room from Adam. His mouth went dry and he braced himself, instinctively drawing back against the wall as Larissa paused, then strode purposefully across the room toward him.

“Oh, look who’s awake!”

The cruel amusement in her voice matched the smirk on her lips as she reached him and without hesitation drew back one foot to viciously kick him in the ribs. Adam doubled over in pain – which only served to give her next attempt access to his face. Dizzy and disoriented, Adam drew in a sharp breath of alarm as she crouched in front of him, suddenly very close to him, one slender, hard hand grasping his jaw and jerking his head up to within inches of hers.

Adam was vaguely aware of the other person in the room, the man who had brought him here; but at the moment, he was standing back and silently observing Larissa’s actions. For now, she seemed to pose the greater threat. Adam’s heart lurched at her touch, but he forced himself to keep still and not pull away, not wanting to give her any more reason to harm him than she already had.

Larissa waited until his swimming vision came back into focus, a coldly patient smile on her lips, then continued with soft, smug menace in her voice.

“I warned you, Adam, didn’t I? I told you to leave Kris alone. But you couldn’t listen, could you? You had to keep pushing and pushing until you managed to push him completely away from me. Well, I may have lost him for good – but not to you, sweetie.” She released her painful grip on his face with a little shove that knocked his head into the wall behind him, shifting in closer on her knees and glaring down at him with hatred and contempt in her eyes. “No… you’ll never live to be with him. In fact… you’ll never live to see him again at all. You’re _dead_ , Adam.” She paused, allowing her words to sink in before adding with a malicious smirk, her voice chillingly soft, “But don’t worry. We’ll make sure you live at least a few hours longer.”

**************************************

“If Larissa flew out here today, then she has to be staying in the area somewhere, right?”

Leila’s thoughtful voice broke the silence that had descended in Kris’s room, as they both sat on the edge of his bed and tried to think of something useful to help Adam, something that the police and federal agents hadn’t thought of already.

Kris nodded. “Right. But there has to be a hundred hotels…”

“Maybe she used a credit card to pay for a room?” Leila suggested, shaking her head with a little grimace, already considering the flaws in that idea.

“The police have already checked on all her credit cards, and there’s no record of any hotel rentals in the last few days.” Kris sighed. “Not that she would be stupid enough to use her credit cards, anyway. Too obvious.” He paused, shaking his head and looking away, ashamed, as he added under his breath, “Apparently, I’ve been dating a criminal mastermind this whole time.”

He flinched as Leila reached out a hand to gently take his, feeling intensely undeserving of her sympathy and support.

“You couldn’t have known, Kris,” she assured him.

“I should’ve.”

“Kris…” Leila squeezed his hand, waiting until he reluctantly looked up at her to speak again, her gaze solemn and sincere, though there was a soft, reassuring smile on her lips. “Adam talks about you all the time. I hope you know… how very highly he thinks of you. And… and one of the things he admires the most is… is the way you… always see the best in people. I think it’s a sign of your own… kind, loving spirit, that you couldn’t begin to conceive of the kind of… of _evil_ this girl has been harboring. You shouldn’t blame yourself for not anticipating something that most normal, good-hearted people couldn’t even imagine.”

Kris swallowed hard, nodding – silently recognizing the sense of her words, though they made little difference to the weight of guilt that burdened his heart. They sat there in silence for a few moments longer, as Kris turned his thoughts back toward Adam, and trying to find a way to trace Larissa in order to find where they might have taken him.

All at once he remembered, standing up abruptly from the bed. “Wait a second!”

“What?” Leila’s voice was anxious, hopeful, as she rose to her feet as well, watching as Kris took out his wallet and began thumbing through it. “What is it?”

“She has one card that’s not in her name – one the cops wouldn’t think to check.” Kris looked up at Leila, excitement shining in his eyes as he pulled a credit card from his wallet and held it up. “Because it’s _mine_. I got her a card on my account when I won Idol, just in case she needed it for emergencies. The cops have been checking up on her, but there’s no reason they’d check up on _my_ accounts, and I forgot all about her having it. Maybe she used it to rent a hotel room.”

A brief phone call yielded the confirmation of Kris’s suspicions, and he nodded eagerly to Leila as he quickly scrawled down the name and phone number of the hotel to which the card had been charged the previous night. He disconnected the call, then quickly went to mapquest on his cell phone, typing in the name of the hotel.

Leila took a hesitant step toward the door. “Should we go let them know…?”

“No.” Kris shook his head, not looking up from his phone. “If we do, they’ll be swarming the place in five minutes, and if they’re keeping Adam there, or anywhere near there, they could panic and… and hurt him.” He was quiet, glancing up at Leila and looking away with regret for the fears he’d amplified with his words. “No, I… I know her better, anyway. I’ll know what to look for. If she’s left any evidence there of where she’s taken Adam, I’ll be able to find it faster than anyone else will – and right now, every second counts.”

Leila nodded, accepting his words, waiting as the information came up on Kris’s phone.

“It’s five minutes from here. I’ve got the address.”

“Good.” Leila grabbed his hand and headed toward the door. “Let’s go.”


	30. Chapter 30

Amidst the controlled chaos in the hall outside Kris’s room, it was surprisingly easy for Kris and Leila to slip past the various hushed conversations and flurry of activity to the elevators, then down to the lobby. Leila had rented a car at the airport, and a ten minute drive brought them to the far less expensive hotel where Larissa had rented a room.

Getting a key to Larissa’s room proved to be a simple matter of showing his identification to the desk clerk to confirm that he was the person in whose name the room had been rented.

“She left her laptop here,” Kris observed as they walked through the door, heading straight for the desk where it was set up. “She must be planning on coming back here later.”

“Maybe there’s something in the history?” Leila suggested, opening the dresser drawers, visibly disappointed when she found nothing there besides clothing and toiletries. “She’s not familiar with the area. Maybe she needed directions somewhere?”

“History’s clean,” Kris sighed, frowning. “Unfortunately, she’s smart enough to cover her tracks.”

Leila moved on to the nightstand, opening the drawer to look inside – then paused, frowning thoughtfully as she stood up and glanced at the desk again. “Do you usually carry a printer with you when you take your laptop somewhere?”

Kris glanced at the printer on the desk, noticing it for the first time. “No.” He shook his head. “I don’t. Not unless… unless I know I’m going to need to print something.”

Suddenly excited, he rose from the desk chair to stand in front of the printer, locating the button to reprint the last document that had been printed on it. He gave Leila a hopeful, anxious look before pressing the button and holding his breath, waiting to see if anything would happen. His heart leapt up into his throat as the printer went into motion. He yanked the paper from the slot almost before it’d finished printing.

“It’s a mapquest print out,” he informed Leila, his voice trembling with excitement, his eyes lighting up as he looked up to meet her gaze. “To an address a few blocks away. I recognize the street name. We passed it on the way into town, in the business district.”

“Maybe a warehouse, or… some other abandoned building?” Leila winced even as she spoke the words, the frightening implications of what could take place in that sort of building filling her mind unbidden. “Wherever it is, it has to have something to do with Adam.”

“It has to,” Kris agreed with a nod. “We need to go there, now.”

“I’m calling Agent Shields,” Leila announced, taking out her phone as they headed for the door. “If that’s where they have Adam, we’ll need some help…”

“Yeah, but we need to get over there anyway,” Kris pointed out, opening the door for her automatically then following her toward the elevators. “We have no idea what they’re planning to do, or how quickly they’re planning to do it. We’re five minutes from that address. It’ll take the cops at least ten to get there.”

*************************************

Larissa spent the better part of an hour berating Adam for all the imagined slights and offenses for which she held him responsible – for every minor encounter she’d ever witnessed between him and Kris – for every aspect of his very _existence_ that she found so vile and offensive.

Her tone and demeanor ranged from frighteningly soft and calm to mad, deranged ranting in the space of a few minutes’ time, the entire onslaught punctuated by vicious kicks and blows that were made more effective by Adam’s inability to defend himself against them. The dangerous frame of mind she was in was obvious, and her partner in crime simply stood back and allowed her to exert her rage upon their helpless victim, wisely staying out of her way.

Adam just did his best to block it all out.

 _The longer she does this, the better,_ he told himself. _The more time it gives them to find me. They have to be looking._

 _But… they have no idea where to look…_ __

“Are you even _listening_ to me?” Larissa demanded, her voice a shrill, indignant hiss.

Adam flinched from the sharp, grating sound of her voice, aggravating to the throbbing headache that seemed to be an aftereffect of whatever they’d used to drug him – and from the harsh slap that followed in its wake, driving his head back against the wall again and further intensifying the dull ache at the back of his skull.

Larissa crouched in front of him, grabbing a handful of his hair and jerking him forward, shaking him slightly. “ _Look_ at me when I talk to you, you worthless piece of shit!”

Adam instinctively, uselessly pulled against the cuffs at his wrists, closing his eyes to shut out the menace in her eyes, her oppressive nearness. His entire body was trembling in dreadful anticipation of what would happen next, even as he silently defied her command. He relaxed a little, his trembling increasing as she abruptly released him and moved away a few steps. Adam rested his head against the wall, breathing deeply, finally venturing to open his eyes.

When he did, Larissa was grinning down at him with wicked intent. “I guess I’m boring you, Adam,” she observed with false innocence in her voice. “Maybe my friend here can do something do hold your attention.”

Adam’s stomach dropped as his wide, fearful gaze turned toward the face of the man whose voice and touch and scent had filled his nightmares for the past month. The man was smiling as he moved toward Adam, crouching in front of him. Adam jerked away from him as much as possible – which wasn’t really much at all – panic seizing him as his tormentor reached out a disconcertingly gentle hand to run down his side. His touch was casually possessive – as if he knew that he had all the time and all the power he needed to do whatever he wanted, and had no reason to rush.

“Now, Adam,” he soothed him, a subtly taunting note in his voice. “Easy. You’ve already made her lose her patience. You don’t wanna piss me off, too, do you?”

“No,” Adam whispered, and the pleading word was not in response to the question he’d been asked. “No… don’t…”

The air around him felt hot, stifling, as the man shifted in closer on his knees, strong hands grasping Adam’s hips and holding him firmly in place. Adam felt the fragile edges of the control he’d barely maintained slipping away. He could barely breathe, his thoughts fading from rationality into a wordless crescendo of panic as he struggled uselessly, heedless of the pain as the metal handcuffs bit into his already chafed, sore wrists.

Larissa’s cruel laughter made his face flame with humiliation as her partner pinned Adam between the wall at his back and his own body in front of him, invasive hands edging past the meager protection of his clothes. Adam flinched at the contact, desperately trying to pull away.

“No, no, don’t,” he gasped. “D-don’t touch me! Stop!”

Adam’s back was to the wall, his legs drawn up in front of him in a pitiful attempt at self-defense, his wrists bound uselessly to the wall, near the floor at his side. His attacker’s mouth twisted into a grim smile as he slid his hands around to the front of Adam’s jeans, deft fingers beginning to work the fastenings open.

“Be a good boy, Adam,” he advised, soft menace in his voice. “This isn’t going to be fun for you, regardless… but it can _always_ be a lot _less_ fun. Trust me…”

Adam wasn’t listening, his mind overwhelmed with panic. He didn’t care what else Larissa and her partner might threaten to do to him. There was nothing they could do that could be worse than the humiliation and violation that had already been inflicted upon him – that this man intended to commit again. He fought for all he was worth, trying to twist out of the man’s grasp, finally, frantically kicking out with his feet. By some miracle, his flailing blow managed to catch his attacker directly in the chest, knocking him backward a few yards.

Larissa let out a rude snort of surprised amusement, watching with raised eyebrows as the man scrambled to his feet again, glaring at Adam through narrowed, furious eyes.  A cold coil of fear twisted around Adam’s stomach at the expression on the man’s face, and he drew back against the wall again, trying to brace himself for the renewed assault he knew he’d earned with his weak attempt at resistance.

“That was _really_ stupid, Adam,” the man snarled, advancing on him swiftly, grabbing his hair and slamming his head brutally into the wall.

Adam went limp for a moment, nearly blacking out from the force of the blow, as his captor grabbed him by the hair again and jerked him forward onto his knees, hands now trembling with vindictive fury as he reached for the front of Adam’s jeans again.

“I’ll teach you to kick _me_ , you little bitch,” he muttered. “I’ll _kill_ you…” He paused, leaning in close to Adam’s ear to whisper with a sadistic smile, “But not until you’re _begging_ me to!”

Adam shivered at the feeling of the man’s breath against his skin, despair creeping into his heart with the realization that his struggles were useless. “Please,” he whispered, shaking his head. “Please, I’m sorry… don’t…”

A dark, ugly laugh left his captor’s lips, and he shook his head. “Sorry, Adam. Too late.” He glanced over his shoulder toward Larissa. “You have the keys to these cuffs? I want his hands behind his back.”

“Yeah.” Larissa moved forward, the keys in her hand.

The man slid one hand into Adam’s hair, slowly tightening his grip and twisting it until Adam gasped, biting down on his lower lip to hold back his cry of pain. His voice was low and menacing, frighteningly calm.

“You’re gonna keep still and do as you’re told, aren’t you?” he murmured. “Not gonna give me any reason to wanna come up with new ways to drag this out – are you, Adam?”

Adam shook his head as much as he could against the harsh grip on his hair, his eyes closed, his shoulders quaking with silent sobs of terror. Even so, his mind was racing ahead of the situation, alert and aware that for a few brief moments, his wrists were about to be free – and those few moments would certainly be the only opportunity he would get to escape.

“Hold him.”

The man instructed Larissa as he took the key from her and slid it into the lock on the handcuffs, gripping one of Adam’s wrists as Larissa moved forward to grab the other. Once Adam’s wrists were no longer fastened together, the man grabbed his head and forced it forward against his folded knees, as Larissa moved closer to hold his wrist in place.

Adam knew he didn’t have much of a chance, but he would take what little he had over the certainty of rape, torture, and death.

He slammed his head forward with all the force he could muster, directly into the stomach of the man trying to bind his wrists. The man doubled over with a grunt, and Adam took the opportunity to jerk his wrists free, in the process managing to catch Larissa across the face with the swinging end of the metal cuffs still attached to his left wrist. She cried out in pain, stumbling backward with her hands over her face – just as her partner recovered and went after Adam again.

But this time, Adam’s hands were free to defend himself.

He ducked away from a powerful blow aimed for his face, his eyes widening as he noticed for the first time the shiny black pistol tucked into the other man’s belt.

 _If I can get the gun…_ __

The man managed to grasp one of Adam’s wrists and pin it against the wall, even as Adam twisted and lunged forward, reaching for the gun. The man laughed, pulling away before raising his free hand to close tightly around Adam’s throat. Instinctively Adam stopped reaching for the gun in order to try to pull the choking hand away; but the other man was larger and stronger, and his efforts were useless. Adam’s struggles became increasingly panicked and decreasingly effective as his opponent slowly squeezed the breath from his body – and then finally, began to cease altogether, his hand falling weakly away from the other man’s arm and slowly drooping until it hit the floor at his side.

The other man relaxed a little, letting out a deep breath in relief, glaring at his apparently unconscious captive for a moment before looking over his shoulder at Larissa.

“Little bitch still has some fight left in him.” He paused, letting out a malicious laugh before adding, “I’m really gonna enjoy fucking it out of him…”

He turned toward Adam again, tilting his limp form forward and drawing his left hand behind his back again, intending to have him securely bound before he regained consciousness.

But Adam had never truly _lost_ consciousness.

While the other man’s guard was down, Adam’s free hand shot out to grasp the gun, yanking it free of his belt and twisting his other arm free, scrambling back along the wall to put a few feet between himself and his stunned captors. His hands shook as he held the gun up, taking aim on first one and then the other, eyes wide and wild as he glanced back and forth between them.

“Stay back,” he demanded, his voice trembling, fearful but defiant. “Just… s-stay the hell away from me.”


	31. Chapter 31

“Oh, shit. Oh, shit, no…”

Larissa’s eyes went wide with panic, and she took a couple of rapid steps backward away from the place where Adam knelt on the floor, holding out the weapon in a trembling hand, his aim shifting back and forth between her and her accomplice.

“Don’t move!” Adam ordered, his voice shaky and higher than usual, swiftly pointing the gun in her direction. “Don’t!”

Larissa flinched, letting out a choked little whimper of fear. She froze, staying in one place, but shaking her head, holding up her hands in front of her in a gesture of surrender. “Oh, no, no, this isn’t happening, oh, _shit_ …!”

“Larissa, _shut… up_.”

Larissa shut up.

Adam quickly aimed the gun back toward the other man as he spoke, his voice soft and low but commanding, his gaze trained, unfaltering, on Adam, as he addressed his partner. His expression was calm, composed, though the tightness of his jaw, the piercing expression in his eyes, betrayed his alarm at the situation. When he spoke again, his words were soft, disconcertingly gentle.

“Come on, now, Adam. Do you even know how to use that thing?”

Adam’s lips trembled, his jaw set stubbornly as he held the gun out in both hands, doing his best to hold it steady through his own panic. He bit off the words of his response through clenched teeth, warning and determination in his voice despite its fearful tremor.

“I’m pretty sure I could figure it out.”

“You’re just going to hurt yourself, Adam,” the man continued, edging slightly nearer to Adam, one hand extended in front of him, palm up, nonthreatening. “Just… give me the gun. At least… put it down, before you get hurt…”

“You want to _kill_ me,” Adam snapped, turning and pointing the gun toward his slowly advancing opponent, who abruptly went still at the motion. Adam’s voice broke over the words as he continued bitterly, “You’ve already _destroyed_ me. How much more hurt could I be?”

“Nobody’s going to kill anybody, Adam,” the man insisted, his voice still soft and controlled, reassuring, as he shook his head slowly. “Just calm down. Easy… just… put the gun down, Adam. Put it down…”

“ _Stop moving_!” Adam cried out, his voice rising with panic as he noticed that the man was still edging nearer to him, his hand extended in front of him. “Just… stay back! Stay away from me!”

“Okay… okay…” The man took a backward step, holding up both hands in front of him in an appeasing gesture.

Just then, out of the corner of his eye, Adam saw Larissa take a cautious step closer to him from the opposite direction.

“Stop!” he ordered, hating the panicked sound of his own voice – but she stopped where she stood, not coming any closer.

Yet.

Adam’s stomach lurched with fear as he realized that they were slowly hemming him in. He could move along the wall away from one of them, but it would only bring him closer to the other. He couldn’t keep the gun on both of them at once, and he knew that in his injured, shaken state, he was only likely to get in a single shot before the one he _didn’t_ shoot got the gun away from him.

 _And that’s if you can bring yourself to fire at all. Weak. Stupid. Pathetic._ __

“Come on, Adam.” His rapist spoke again, his voice soft and soothing. “This is pathetic. You know you’re not going to _shoot_ anyone.” The knowing tone of subtle mockery in his voice made Adam’s face flush with shame, and he felt sick, afraid that the man was right. “Just put the gun down. You don’t even have to give it to me. I just – just want to make sure no one gets hurt. We’ll sit here and wait for the cops if that’s what you want, but come on. Just put the gun down.”

“No,” Adam whispered, shaking his hand, his hands wavering as the guy took a cautious step closer. “No, I don’t believe you. You just want a better chance to take it from me. No… no, _stay back_ , damn it!”

The guy backed off a bit – not enough to undo all the progress he’d made on his last advance. Adam’s heart sank with an overwhelming sense of impending despair. They would wait for the cops to show up? The cops weren’t _going_ to show up. No one knew where he was. He had no phone, no way of reaching anyone for help – and it was only a matter of time before his two captors-turned-captives managed to overpower him and take back the weapon.

 _And then you’ll be worse off than ever. Why’d you even try it? Stupid, stupid…_ __

His vicious, self-directed thoughts were cut off abruptly as Larissa made a quick move forward, and Adam frantically turned so that the gun was aimed at her. She froze, letting out a frightened little yelp – but while Adam was distracted, her partner lunged toward him, grabbing Adam’s arm and pinning the hand that held the gun to the wall.

Adam let out a cry of alarm, struggling for control, managing to drag his arm free of the man’s grasp – but only for a moment. The other man was larger and stronger, and uninjured, and swiftly managed to pin Adam to the floor beneath him. Both of Adam’s hands clutched desperately at the gun, his wrists caught tightly in the man’s clenched fist, trapped between their bodies.

The man laughed coldly, raising his free hand to push Adam’s hair back from his face. Adam jerked away in panic, letting out a whimper of fear and frustration. He could feel the strong grip of the other man’s hand, trying to pull the gun out from between them, and fought with all his might to maintain what little control he had left over the weapon, well aware that once it was in the other man’s hand, his fate would be sealed. It was hard to tell with the weapon and his own hands trapped between them, utterly immobile, but Adam thought the muzzle of the gun was aimed toward the other man.

Of course, he couldn’t be sure.

And if he _was_ sure of his aim – he _wasn’t_ sure he could actually pull the trigger.

“Shhh,” the man murmured, grabbing Adam’s jaw and turning his face back toward him, the rough, forceful touch a jarring contrast to the chilling softness of his voice. “Give it up, Adam. You’re not going to win this one. All you’re doing…” He leaned in closer, his hand shifting down to lock around Adam’s throat as his voice lowered to a warning whisper. “… is _pissing me off_.”

He released Adam’s throat abruptly, moving his hand – and Adam’s stomach lurched when he felt that same hand, firm and invasive, trailing down his hip and around to his ass in a cruel caress. He tried to pull away, sickened by the touch, but couldn’t move at all under the oppressive weight of the larger man.

“I’m gonna hurt you anyway, Adam. Trust me,” the man informed him, meeting his gaze with a cold, vicious smile. “But the longer you hold out – the longer I’m going to take finishing you off. You decide…” he whispered, his eyes trailing suggestively down the side of Adam’s body before meeting his eyes again with malicious amusement at the disgust and terror mingled in Adam’s eyes. “… how much I get to enjoy this…”

Panic closed in on Adam, and though he was no longer being choked, he felt as if he couldn’t breathe. His heart was racing, and all he could think of was the sickening touch of the man’s hand on his body, the slow, invasive fingers that slid along the back waistband of his jeans.

 _No, no, please, not again, no,_ no… _!_

His voice broke, desperate and pleading, as he began to struggle again, trying to escape the patiently prying touch of the other man’s hand.

“No, no, don’t _fucking touch me…_!”

Adam wasn’t even aware of pulling the trigger until the shot echoed into the stillness, deafening in the small space between them, enclosed by stone walls. A sharp, agonizing pain drove into Adam’s stomach, and he felt fear mingled with relief as the thought dragged numbly through his mind:

 _I guess it was aimed at me after all…_ __

And then, he looked up into the wide, stunned eyes of his attacker. His mouth was slack with horror and shock, his face pale and his body trembling, as Adam felt the hot, slick rush of blood pouring down over the gun and onto his hands…

 _Wait… if_ I’m _the one who’s shot…_

Just then, the tense, trembling body above him collapsed, still, upon him, and Adam realized through his shock and confusion that the pain he felt must have been the impact of the weapon’s recoil as he’d fired it. Wide-eyed and horrified, Adam frantically pushed at the body still pinning him down, scrambling out from under him and backing up against the wall again, the gun – now slippery with warm, wet liquid – still clutched in his blood-soaked hands.

He stared at the still form of the man who had made a nightmare of his life over the past few months, his mind slowly catching up with the reality of what had just happened.

 _Dead. He’s… dead. You… you shot him. You_ killed _him. You shot him, and he’s… dead..._

 _He’s dead…_ __

_God… I_ killed _someone…_

*************************************

Larissa stared in horror at the prone form of her partner in crime, her wide-eyed gaze drifting back and forth between him, and the somehow more disturbing sight of their intended victim – huddled on the floor against the wall with his knees drawn up against his chest, wild-eyed and covered in blood, the gun still clutched in his shaking hands. He seemed to be more in shock than she was, staring down at the body in horrified disbelief.

 _Which means… he might not notice if I just… slip out…_ __

She took a couple of cautious backward steps toward the door, then turned and sped her pace, hoping to make it out of the building before Adam realized what she was doing.

 _At this point, maybe he doesn’t even care. Maybe he’d rather I was just out of his life for good. Maybe…_ __

The deafening blast of a second shot echoed through the room, and Larissa froze, her stomach dropping with fear at the sound. Relief flooded through her as she realized that Adam had either missed, or had not been aiming for her; she was unharmed – so far.

“Don’t move.”

Adam’s voice behind her had taken on a note of steel, though it still held a tremor of emotion. She didn’t dare make a break for the door again – not without being sure whether or not Adam had missed her on purpose. She slowly turned, her hands raised in front of her in surrender, to see that he had risen to his knees and was aiming the gun directly at her, his jaw set with furious determination, his eyes glittering with unshed tears.

“You think you can just… just _walk away_? That’s _it_? Just like that.” His voice was low, trembling but dangerous, his eyes blazing with rage – and a chilling hint of madness. “No.” He shook his head slowly as he carefully got to his feet with one hand braced against the wall, the other still holding the gun on her. “No, you do not get to just… just _do_ this to me… just… _destroy_ my fucking _life_ … take _everything_ away from me that _ever_ meant _anything_ … and then just _walk away_.” His voice shook violently over the words, nearly a sob, before he lowered it to a whisper and repeated, “ _No_. No… I won’t let you…”

Larissa did not like the sound of that. She swallowed hard, her mind racing as she tried to think of words that might appease him – and came up utterly empty.

“Adam,” she attempted anyway, her voice soft and pleading. “Adam… I’m sorry. I know I… I hurt you, but… but you don’t have to do this. You can _have_ Kris, okay? I swear. I’ll… I’ll leave, and you’ll never see me again, I _swear_ , okay? Just… just don’t…”

“Right. And we’ll all just… go on with our lives as if this never _happened_?” Adam’s voice was incredulous, disbelieving, as the tears in his eyes fell to streak his face. “You just… go start over somewhere else? Fall in love with somebody else? Move on?” He shook his head, his mouth trembling, as he let out a shuddering breath and confessed in a broken whisper, “ _I_ can’t. You know that? I _can’t_ … move on. I can’t forget it. Every second of every _fucking day_ …”

His words broke off, and he looked away, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Larissa tensed, her eyes locked onto the gun as it lowered slightly. She edged slowly toward the door again without lowering her hands, hoping that Adam might be distracted long enough to allow her to get outside…

Another shot rang out, and she cringed, looking up to see that Adam was advancing on her, the gun held in both hands. She flinched as he neared her, moving close enough that there was no chance he could miss if he pulled the trigger, regardless of the surety of his aim.

“ _No_! He might have been the one who… who… but _you_ …” he snarled, his voice ragged and hoarse with his tears, low and guttural with a frighteningly primal sound to it. “… you’re the one who planned it! You’re the one who _decided_ that being _close_ to your _fucking boyfriend_ meant that I deserved to be… to be… _taken apart_ , and… and…” His voice trailed off as words succumbed to emotions, but after a moment, Adam regained control, his jaw setting with new determination as he straightened his stance, pointing the gun straight at her again. “No. No, we are _not fucking done_ here."


	32. Chapter 32

“I think that’s the place.”

Kris’s voice was quiet and terse as he leaned forward to look past Leila out the side window at the darkened warehouse, barely visible due to the absence of streetlights on the deserted road.

“Are you sure?” She frowned, skeptical. “I don’t see an address. It’s too dark.”

“Based on the other numbers, that one should be the one we’re looking for.” Kris turned off the headlights, slowing the car to a stop along the side of the road a few yards past the warehouse. “We need to be careful, though. Adam said when they… when they took him the first time… the guy had a gun…”

“I don’t care _what_ he has,” Leila muttered, staring out the window into the dark, waiting for the shadowed form of the building to come into focus. “If he has my baby in there…”

“All I’m saying is we should try not to let them know we’re here right away.” Kris’s tone was calm and soothing. “Don’t close the doors all the way. We don’t want to make a sound. We’ll just… very carefully… go check it out…”

Leila nodded without looking at him, her mouth set in a grim line as she carefully, quietly opened the door. Kris did the same, coming around the car to stand beside her and holding out a cautioning hand, indicating for her to stay behind him. Leila rolled her eyes at him, but followed as he slowly advanced toward the building.

Their painstaking progress came to an abrupt halt as the deafening blast of a gunshot shattered the still silence around them. Both Leila and Kris froze for a moment, staring at each other in horror – before they abandoned all semblance of caution and rushed toward the building, desperate to get to Adam before it was too late.

*****************************************

After he shot the man who’d raped him – who’d been about to rape him again – Adam was in a state of shock, barely able to believe that it had really happened. His mind simply couldn’t process the horrific reality of what he’d been driven to do. He simply stayed there on the floor, his knees drawn up in front of him, the gun still clutched in trembling hands – until something happened to draw his attention away from the overwhelming thoughts that filled his mind.

Larissa moved.

Still shaken and on edge, expecting to be attacked, Adam looked up sharply when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye – to see Larissa slowly backing away, watching him warily.

 _She thinks I might shoot her, too. She’s trying to leave, before I can…_ __

_… before I can… I… I can._ __

_I_ can _._

Something in Adam’s traumatized mind snapped under the combined realization, both that Larissa intended to simply run away, and completely escape the mess she’d left in her wake – and that it was within his power to keep her from doing so. Suddenly, the thought of Larissa’s simply slipping away into the night and never being heard from again – after all the torment she’d caused for him, the ruin she’d made of his life – was more than he could bear.

“Adam… calm down. You… you don’t want to do this.”

Larissa’s voice was little more than a trembling whimper. She was kneeling on the floor a few yards away from him, her hands raised in front of her. She’d tried to move toward the door again a few minutes earlier, and he’d fired another warning shot and frantically ordered her to her knees. In some distant, disconnected way, he was alarmed by the panicked madness in his own voice, though it felt almost as if he was watching someone else holding the gun on her – listening to someone else’s voice pouring out the rage that had been so long buried beneath his fear and confusion.

“I… I know I’m a… a horrible person,” Larissa insisted, choking back a sob, her eyes wide and terrified, focused on the gun. “I know I… I deserve to be punished, but… but you’re a _good_ person, Adam. You’re a better person than I am. You’re not… not a murderer…”

Adam let out a high, almost hysterical giggle that was just short of turning into a sob, his gaze sliding unbidden toward the still, lifeless form of Larissa’s partner.

“Yes, I am,” he whispered, his laughter fading into a dreadful, solemn expression. “Obviously… that’s _exactly_ what I am now. I can’t kill you, because I’m not capable of killing anyone?” A haunted, horrified smile passed his lips, his voice hushed and soft. “Isn’t it ironic? It’s _because_ of you… that I _am_ capable of it, now.”

“You don’t have to do this,” Larissa insisted, her voice trembling with panic. “Adam… you don’t have to…”

“I know I don’t have to.” Adam’s smile faded as he held her gaze, hatred blazing from his rage-darkened eyes. “I _want_ to,” he confessed softly. “I _want…_ to kill you. I want you to _suffer_ … like you made _me_ suffer…”

Larissa let out a pathetic sob at those words, shaking her head. “No… no…” She shifted backward on her knees, her hands held up in front of her defensively.

“I said _don’t move_!” Adam snapped, firing off another shot just past her before striding close to her and pressing the gun against the side of her head. Rage flowed through him, overwhelming him, his hands trembling around the gun, as he felt the fragile control he had on his emotions slipping away. “ _Don’t_ fucking _move_!”

***************************************

The door to the warehouse was unlocked, and Kris rushed inside, Leila right behind him. He stopped short, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the light, and he gradually took in the disturbing scene before him. His eyes widened at the sight of the body across the room, and the pool of thick, dark red that surrounded it. He swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry, as he turned his gaze toward the center of the room, where his friend stood over Larissa’s kneeling, trembling form.

Adam was shaking violently, his face streaked with tears, his ragged, uneven breaths audible across the room, even above Larissa’s hysterical sobs. But Kris wasn’t focused on any of those details. His attention was arrested by something more alarming than any of that.

The gun clasped in Adam’s trembling hands.

Beside him, Leila started forward. “ _Adam_ …!”

Kris caught her arm and pulled her back, holding up a warning hand to indicate for her to stay behind him. She glared at him indignantly and tried again, but he was stronger and easily held her back, his wary gaze focused on his friend, who didn’t seem to have even heard his mother’s voice.

“Adam.” Kris kept his voice low and calm, not moving any closer to Adam than where he stood. “Adam… look at me.”

Adam didn’t, and at first Kris wasn’t sure if he was getting through to him at all – if Adam was even aware that they were there. Then, Adam spoke.

“She… she was going to kill me…”

“I know,” Kris softly acknowledged with a slow, cautious nod. “But… you stopped her. She can’t hurt you now…”

“She took… _everything_ from me…”

“No, she didn’t, Adam,” Kris quietly argued, venturing a wary step forward. “She didn’t – because you’re stronger than that. Because – you still have people who love you, Adam. People who are here for you, no matter what. She didn’t manage to take any of that away from you…”

“I can’t forget it.” Adam’s voice broke over the words, and he lowered his head, his shoulders shaking with his tears. “I can’t… I won’t ever be able to… to…” He shook his head, momentarily at a loss, before focusing on Larissa again. “I want her to pay.”

“She will, Adam,” Kris assured him, his calm tone not betraying the way his stomach lurched at Adam’s words, and the tone with which he spoke them. “She will. Just… don’t do something that… that’s going to follow you for the rest of your life, Adam… something you’ll want to take back…”

Adam’s voice was hoarse, trembling. “I _won’t_ wanna take it back…”

“ _Please_ ,” Larissa sobbed, her hands raised to cover her face. “Please, don’t… _please_ … I’m begging you… please…”

Fresh tears streamed from Adam’s eyes, and Kris’s heart ached for him. The pain he’d been forced to hide for so long was now clearly on display, pouring forth from him with such palpable intensity that Kris _felt_ it himself – and thought it might break him. Adam was shaking, his voice halting, lost, as he responded with unnatural calm.

“I begged him… the man you sent to… to rape me and torture me… I… I begged him… not to hurt me. I begged him… not to… to _violate_ me and… and _tear me apart_ inside, but… he didn’t listen. No… he did just exactly what you _paid_ him to do.”

“I’m sorry,” Larissa sobbed, shaking her head, beside herself with terror. “Adam, I’m sorry… _please_ …”

“Rissa, shut up,” Kris ordered quietly, a note of authority in his voice that silenced her cries. “Adam… Adam, listen to me. Don’t do this…”

“Why do you care?” Adam’s voice rose with hurt and confusion as he abruptly looked up at Kris, accusation in his eyes. “You still care that much what happens to her, after what she _did_ to me?”

“No.” Kris held out a soothing, placating hand toward Adam as he ventured another step toward him, not sure whether to be relieved or terrified when Adam’s attention turned away from Larissa and toward him. His voice was soft, filled with sincere concern as he corrected quietly, “I care that much what happens to _you_ , Adam. You’ve survived. You’ve beaten her. She’ll never be able to touch you again – neither of them will.” He paused, his tone pleading, filled with quiet desperation, when he continued. “There’s no need for you to do something that will ruin the rest of your life.”

Adam’s trembling intensified, and his gaze was uncertain as it passed back and forth between Kris and Larissa, his aim not faltering. Kris took a few more slow, careful steps toward Adam. There were only a few short yards separating them now.

“Come on, Adam,” he softly urged him, holding out his hand. “Give me the gun.”

“No,” Adam sobbed, lowering his head, his hands slipping downward almost imperceptibly. “No… I can’t…”

“It’s all right,” Kris assured him, still edging nearer. “Adam… you’re safe now. She can’t hurt you anymore – unless you let her. And if you kill her – that’s exactly what you’ll be doing.”

Adam was silent, his head bowed, his shoulders shaking, the aim of his clasped hands around the gun becoming dangerously erratic as his hands began to tremble.

“She’s going to go to prison, Adam. For a long, long time. She’ll never be able to touch you again. If you kill her – you’ll go to prison, too.” Kris was quiet a moment, allowing his words to sink in. “And if that happens – then you’ve let her win. You’ve given her exactly what she wanted.” He paused. “You’ve let her destroy you.”

Deep, breathless sobs shook through Adam, and his hands lowered further, his shoulders falling with defeat.

“Come on, Adam. You don’t want that. You’re _better_ than that.” Kris was close enough to touch now – but didn’t. “Give it to me,” he whispered. “Come on… give it to me, Adam… give me the gun…”

At last, Adam held the gun out to him, and Kris reached out to take it while he had the chance, letting out the breath he’d been holding in a rush of relief. As soon as his hands were empty, Adam raised them to cover his face as deep, wrenching sobs tore from his trembling frame. All at once, Adam’s legs buckled beneath him, and Kris rushed forward to catch him, easing him down to the floor with his arms around him, the gun still clutched in his hand behind Adam’s back.

He was vaguely aware as Larissa scrambled to her feet and began to back toward the door – but the sound of approaching sirens made it clear that even if she ran, she wouldn’t get far. Besides – she was not Kris’s priority at the moment.

“It’s okay,” he whispered as Adam buried his face in the soft fabric of Kris’s shirt, breathless, broken sobs pouring from his lips. Kris just cradled Adam against him, one hand stroking soothingly through his hair as he rocked slowly back and forth. “It’s okay, Adam. You’re safe now. It’s okay…”

*************************************

Larissa backed away, stumbling and then turning to rush toward the door, desperate to escape while she had the chance. She came up short, however, when she found the door blocked by a furious, determined, but frighteningly calm Leila Lambert.

“So,” Leila stated quietly with a cold smile. “ _You’re_ the psychotic little _bitch_ who thought she could get away with hurting _my_ son.”

Larissa barely had time to flinch before a tiny but powerful fist caught her across the side of the head, knocking her back down to the ground with a single blow. Leila looked up at her son, safe and sheltered in the arms of his best friend, then down at the shaking, pathetic form of the young woman who’d tried so hard to destroy him. As Larissa tried to get up, Leila drew back her foot, driving the pointed toe of her high-heeled shoe into her stomach and doubling her over on the floor. A righteously vindictive smile spread across her face as Larissa let out a groan of pain.

“How’s that working out for you?”


	33. Chapter 33

When the police arrived on the scene, there was little for them to do besides take stock of what had already happened.

Adam was considerably calmer, still cradled in Kris’s arms, the two of them kneeling together on the cold concrete floor. He was crying softly as Kris murmured comforting words in his ear, soothing his tears and shielding his eyes with one hand to keep him from seeing the bloodied body lying still across the room.

Larissa was cowering against the wall, whimpering pathetically, trembling hands extended in a pleading gesture toward the furious woman standing over her. As several armed police officers entered the room, their guns drawn, Leila Lambert crouched in front of Larissa, her voice low and warning, her eyes locked onto Larissa’s with fiery intensity.

“You’re lucky to be leaving this room alive,” she informed her. “If you ever attempt to come near my son again – or do anything to hurt him – I swear to you, you won’t live to regret it.”

She stood up straight, backing off as the police officers reached her. Across the room, Kris held up the hand that held the gun, palm up with the weapon extended for the officers to take. One quickly did, crouching beside him and Adam, taking in the situation with a worried expression on his face.

“The ambulances are on their way. Are either of you hurt?”

“Adam’s a little banged up but I don’t think it’s serious,” Kris replied, glancing down to Adam for confirmation, and receiving only a slight shake of his head as an answer. “He should probably get checked out, though…”

“Of course,” the officer agreed. “As soon as the ambulances get here. Can you tell me what happened?”

“When we got here, Adam was holding Larissa at gun point. He… he kept her here until you guys could get here.” Kris paused, glancing toward the body across the room before looking back up at the officer. “Before that… I’m not really sure what happened. You’ll have to ask Adam, but…” Kris cast a worried look down toward Adam, whose face was still buried against his chest, as if he was still trying to shut out the world around him. “… that can wait, right?”

The officer followed Kris’s gaze to the traumatized young man, his expression softening with compassion. “Yeah – for a little while.”

***************************************

Kris drove Leila’s rental car for her so that she could ride in the ambulance with Adam. Larissa and her partner were transported to the hospital by ambulance as well, though the injuries Leila had managed to inflict during the brief period that had been allowed her for vengeance were really not all that serious. The man who had worked with Larissa was pronounced dead at the scene and taken directly to the morgue.

Thankfully, Adam’s injuries were not that severe either – at least, the ones that they could _see_ , Kris thought with a sick sensation of worry in the pit of his stomach. He was relieved that Adam had been found, reasonably safe, and that his attackers were in custody; still, there was a part of him that wondered if Adam would ever _really_ recover from the trauma of these past few weeks.

“I killed someone,” he whispered, staring up at Kris through wide, shell-shocked eyes from where he sat on the edge of the examination table – and they were the first words he’d spoken clearly since Kris had taken the gun from his hand. “I… I _shot_ him…”

“You didn’t have a choice,” Leila hurried to reassure him, and Kris nodded in agreement, moving forward to place a supportive arm around his friend’s shoulders. “There was nothing else you could have done. It was self-defense.”

“You did what you _had_ to do, Adam,” Kris reiterated softly. “To survive. No one can blame you for that.”

Adam was quiet for a moment, his eyes downcast, before he looked up to meet Kris’s eyes again, and the dark look of tormented certainty in his eyes nearly took Kris’s breath away.

“I would have done it anyway.”

“So would I,” Leila pointed out, at the exact same time as Kris spoke.

“No, you wouldn’t have.” They exchanged an uneasy, startled glance, before Kris focused his attention on Adam once more and continued gently, “You could have shot Larissa – and you didn’t. I think, when it came down to it… you would have stopped, if he’d given you the chance.”

“And… if I wouldn’t have? What kind of person does that make me?” Adam’s voice was soft, defeated, as he looked away again.

“If you wouldn’t have… then, that bastard would have gotten exactly what he deserved. He _did_ get what he deserved.” Kris paused a moment, gently squeezing Adam’s knee until he looked up reluctantly to meet Kris’s eyes once more. “Adam… no one can judge you for how you reacted in the situation they put you in. No one knows what they’d do, unless they’ve been there – and most people haven’t. You reacted on instinct – sheer survival instinct – and did what you had to do to get out of that room alive. Now, you can sit here and beat yourself up about that if you want – but while you’re doing that, I’ll just be sitting here in awe, hoping that if I’m ever in the same situation, God forbid, I’ll be able to be as strong and brave and capable as you were.”

Adam’s eyes were wide, stricken and bewildered at Kris’s unexpected words, and he shook his head slowly. It was clear that he was at a loss as to why Kris would feel that way, and that knowledge broke Kris’s heart. Adam’s mouth began to tremble, and Kris gently pulled his head down onto his shoulder, running his fingers slowly through the hair at the back of Adam’s neck and whispering soft, soothing words into his ear.

His eyes locked momentarily with Leila’s, and Kris froze, a hot blush blooming in his face at the knowing expression in her eyes.

Telling himself that he needed to focus all of his attention on Adam, Kris quickly looked away.

****************************************

The police took Adam’s statement in the hospital room, rather than forcing him to make the trip down to the police station, after the harrowing and exhausting night he’d already had. Kris could tell that they wanted more information than Adam was able to give at the moment, but they were understanding enough to agree to get that information once he’d had the chance to rest and recover a bit from the trauma and shock.

In the rental car on the way back to the hotel, Leila sat in the back seat with Adam, while Kris drove, in order to give her the chance to be close to her son and reassure herself that he was really safe once more. None of them had much to say at the moment, each still trying in their own way to process the events of the night – and none of them had more to process than Adam.

He was silent and still, staring out the window into the inky blackness outside the reach of the street lamps that lined the road, until at last he started to nod off. Abruptly, he startled back to awareness, his expression disoriented and alarmed as he blinked sleepily, slowly registering that he was safe. Leila gently, wordlessly placed an arm around his shoulders and tugged him downward, encouraging him to rest his head in her lap and sleep.

Given the circumstances, it didn’t take much encouragement to convince him.

Once Adam fell asleep, however, the silence in the car took on a nearly tangible feeling, and Kris could feel the awkward, unspoken things between himself and Leila pressing in on him, making him feeling nervous and self-conscious, eager to be away from the perceptive woman who had figured out in a matter of moments what he’d been trying to hide for a week – his feelings for her son.

“So.” Leila broke the silence at last, her voice calm and measured, hushed so as not to disturb Adam’s sleep. “I think you missed your calling, Kris Allen.”

“What?” Kris looked in the rearview mirror to briefly meet her gaze, confused and uncertain.

“Forget American Idol. Therapist, maybe? Minister? Motivational speaker?” Leila raised a single brow in his direction, a slightly teasing smile on her lips.

Kris felt his face flush with self-conscious embarrassment at the compliment, and he shrugged, looking away. “No, I just… just said what I meant…”

“I know.”

The knowing tone of her voice brought back the awkwardness Kris had felt, and he swallowed hard, his mouth dry, his heart pounding, as he suddenly felt trapped, as if he’d been caught in some shameful secret – and in a way, he felt that he had.

 _Here it comes…_

He braced himself for the deservedly severe warning and reprimand he expected to receive.

 _It’s your fault this happened to him in the first place. He’s recovering from the worst trauma of his life because of_ your _psycho ex-girlfriend, and you’re already thinking about wanting to be with him? How selfish and thoughtless could you be, Kris Allen? She probably thinks you’re the biggest, most disgusting pervert in the world for looking at her son like that,_ now _of all times…_

“Look, I… I don’t want to… to take advantage,” Kris stammered, struggling to find the words to explain his feelings to the dangerously protective mother of the man he loved, “or anything like that. I have feelings for him, okay? But… I know he’s… fragile, right now, and the last thing he needs is me, looking at him like he’s…”

“Maybe it’s _exactly_ the thing he needs right now.”

Kris stopped, giving the rearview mirror a puzzled frown and shaking his head. “What?”

There was a calm, pensive smile on Leila’s lips as she met his eyes and explained. “To know that he’s still attractive… wanted… worthy… after everything that’s happened to him. You know him, Kris – you know _everything_ – and you still want him. That could go a very long way toward helping him heal.” She paused, hesitating a moment before adding, “In case you hadn’t figured it out by now, Kris – he’s in love with you.”

“See, that’s just it, though,” Kris objected softly, slowly shaking his head. “Is he? I just… I’m just not sure. What if he doesn’t, really? What if he just… _thinks_ he does, because… because he’s vulnerable right now, and I’ve been there for him, and… and he’s reading comfort as love when it’s really not? If that’s the case, then what happens when he finally _does_ get better, and… and realizes that he never really loved me at all?”

Leila was quiet for a long moment, honestly considering those words, before she spoke again in a soft voice, touched with compassion, yet painfully blunt.

“Then… I guess that would hurt. Bad. Not him so much, because, in this hypothetical possibility, he’d have just realized that he didn’t love you, so… no heartbreak. But, _you_ … you’d be in agony for a while. But… he’d be better.” She paused, her gaze searching as it met his, her voice softly challenging. “Think you can handle taking that kind of risk? If it’s what _Adam_ needs?”

Kris glanced in the rearview mirror again, his gaze lowering from Leila’s eyes to the face of his dearest friend, slack and peaceful in sleep. He had learned over the past few weeks just how vulnerable Adam could be – just how deeply he would need Kris’s love and support over the months to come as he tried to recover from everything that had happened to him.

 _If I give him all of that – and in the end, he turns me away – is it worth it?_

There was utter certainty in Kris’s voice when he answered, meeting Leila’s eyes again with conviction and promise.

“Absolutely.”

Leila’s smile widened, her shoulders relaxing with relief, and she nodded slowly. “Then you have my blessing.” To the unspoken, bewildered question in his eyes, she clarified, “To… pursue these feelings you two have for each other in whatever way the two of you feel is best.” She was quiet a moment, glancing down at Adam and running her fingers lovingly through his hair as she continued, “He’s… he’s hurt right now, and… and vulnerable…” She looked back up at Kris, a quiet fire of pride in her eyes as she added, “But he’s not broken. I trust him to not be stupid about this, no matter how much he cares about you…” Her expression softened, and she went on, “And I trust _you_ – to put what’s right for _Adam_ above what _you_ want, and help him through this. I think you’re _exactly_ what he needs right now, Kris Allen.”

Kris blinked back hot tears of relief and gratitude that rose to his eyes, unable to speak past the lump in his throat.

Leila’s smile became a sly smirk, and she gave him a wink as she added, “Oh, and by the way – he’s loved you since long before any of this happened. He told me. So, you don’t have to worry about finding out later on down the road that this isn’t real, because… it is. He told me months ago that he thought he was in love with you – how much he thought about you all the time, wanted you, needed you…” She paused, her smile fading to a more solemn expression, and her next words sounded like a welcome charge of duty to Kris’s ears.

“The only difference is, now… he needs you more than ever.”


	34. Chapter 34

When they reached the hotel room, Leila gently shook Adam’s shoulder, speaking softly to avoid alarming him.

“Adam… honey, we’re here. Wake up.”

Adam blinked sleepily as he sat up, staring blankly first at his mother and then at Kris, before nodding silently and fumbling for the handle of the car door. Kris smiled with amused affection as he got out of the car and walked around it to join Leila and Adam as they made their way through the hotel lobby toward the elevators.

Leila had arranged to have a room on the floor that had been reserved for the Idols. As the elevator slowly ascended, none of them broke the heavy silence that had descended, each lost in their own thoughts. Kris watched Adam subtly, trying to gauge his emotional state at the moment – but he was unusually inscrutable. His eyes were sharp and alert despite his sleepy state, but he was quiet, pensive, as they reached their floor and the elevator doors opened.

Leila took a step in one direction, then hesitated as both Adam and Kris started to go the other way. All three stopped for a moment, unsure. Leila bit her lip, hesitatinga moment before speaking softly.

“I’ve got a double, Adam. If you’d rather not stay in your own room alone…”

Adam glanced between his mother and Kris, uncertain. Kris held his gaze for a moment, hoping his own wishes weren’t too obvious in his eyes. Of course, he never had been able to hide his feelings well, and the knowing spark in Adam’s eyes told him that he wasn’t hiding anything now. Adam didn’t look away from Kris as he answered his mother with grateful affection.

“That’s okay, Mom. I’ll be fine in my own room.”

Hoping that he was reading the unspoken message in Adam’s gaze correctly, Kris kept his voice quiet and casual, shrugging for good measure as he offered, “I’ll walk you there.”

“Okay. Good.” Leila looked back and forth between them for a moment, and Kris felt his face flush with embarrassment as he remembered their conversation in the car. “Goodnight, then, boys. I’ll see you both in the morning.”

Kris couldn’t look at her as Adam hugged her and kissed her on the cheek, murmuring a quiet goodnight. Even when Leila stepped forward to hug him, Kris kept his head bowed, feeling self-conscious and a little bit guilty.

He couldn’t imagine how the situation could be any more awkward.

He suppressed a sigh of relief when at last she turned and headed the opposite direction down the hall, toward her own room, and Adam fell into step beside him. Neither of them said a word until they reached Adam’s door. Kris waited as Adam unlocked it and stepped inside, his hopes sinking when Adam didn’t offer an invitation to come inside – and then rising again when Adam very deliberately left the door standing open.

Kris hesitated just a moment before walking in and closing the door behind him. Adam’s back was turned as he took out a pair of soft grey pajama pants and a black t-shirt from his suitcase across the room. Kris’s voice was soft, light, as he cautiously broke the silence.

“Shouldn’t leave your door standing open like that. Who knows what creep might come wandering in?” The instant the words left his mouth, Kris cringed in horror at his own carelessness, realizing the unintentional implications of his ill-advised little joke. “I mean… like _me_. I was saying that _I_ was the creep… not that I’m actually… _crap_. I’m sor-”

“I’m sorry.”

Adam abruptly cut him off, blurting out the words as he spun around suddenly. He was biting his lower lip, his brow creased in an anxious frown as his wide eyes searched Kris’s face – and Kris was relieved to realize that Adam hadn’t heard a single word he’d spoken.

“I don’t know what I was thinking last night,” Adam continued, a tremor in his voice, his eyes averted self-consciously. “I shouldn’t have tried to… I mean… I was out of line, and…”

“Adam, no…” Kris shook his head, cautiously venturing to close some of the distance between them. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, really. You didn’t do anything wrong. I… _I’m_ the one who should be sorry.” He paused, swallowing hard before admitting quietly, “I _kissed_ you – and I had no right. I was just… in the moment, and… and not thinking… and all it did at the time was to just… confuse things, and…”

Kris’s voice trailed off as he gradually noticed the change in Adam’s body language: the way he drew back slightly, his arms crossed defensively over his stomach, his eyes averted and locked onto the floor at Kris’s feet – shutting Kris out. Kris frowned, his lips parted to ask what he’d said wrong, when Adam spoke in a soft, calm voice barely over a whisper, tinged with unmistakable hurt.

“So… you didn’t mean it. Of course you didn’t. I don’t know why I thought…” Adam shook his head, his words trembling and coming faster as he cringed and let out a quiet, bitter laugh. “I _shouldn’t_ have thought…”

“Adam, slow down a second, wait…” Kris held up a halting hand, edging closer and searching Adam’s face with confusion on his own. “What are you talking about?” He paused, his voice softening as he asked, “Shouldn’t have thought _what_?”

Adam shook his head in refusal for a moment – then rolled his eyes at his own inability to be anything less than honest, a self-mocking smile on his lips as he answered in a hoarse, heartbreakingly vulnerable voice.

“That it was… anything more than sympathy.” Adam met Kris’s eyes again, and the hurt and disappointment there tore at Kris’s heart. “I should have known. I mean… you’ve never been interested _before_ , and… and _now_ …” Adam looked away, shaking his head sadly. His voice was halting and broken when he went on with a tremor in his voice that might have been tears, or bitter, mirthless laughter – Kris couldn’t be sure. “Now… no one’s ever gonna look at me again, and… and see anything but… but what they did to me. I’m… I’m _tainted_. I’m never gonna be the way I was before they did this.” He was quiet a moment, and Kris barely caught his final words. “Why _should_ you want me?”

Kris was silent, taking in Adam’s words and trying to formulate the best response. Despite Adam’s sorrow, and the tears it drew to Kris’s eyes, he couldn’t quite keep back a smile at the irony of the whole thing – and how utterly _wrong_ Adam’s assumptions were. He said nothing as he slowly closed the distance between them, reaching out to brush Adam’s hair back from his face with a tender hand.

“Adam,” he said softly, but with a firm note to his voice that refused to be ignored. “Look at me.”

Adam reluctantly obeyed, humiliation clear in his expression, his eyes wet with unshed tears. Kris held his gaze for a moment, solemn and intent, before speaking with slow, deliberate certainty.

“You’re not tainted, Adam. You have come through everything that happened to you… everything they did… with more courage and strength than anyone could have imagined. I look at you, and I don’t see what they did to you. I see…” Kris hesitated a moment, his eyes shining with awe, a soft smile on his lips. “… I see what they _couldn’t_ do to you.” He was quiet then, biting his lip in uncertainty before venturing to speak again, his voice hushed and vulnerable.

“And… I _want_ you, Adam. I want you so bad it _hurts_.”

Adam blinked, clearly stunned by Kris’s honest admission, staring blankly at his friend as he continued with soft earnestness.

“I only stopped because… I think you needed something different from me right then, and… and I never want to take advantage of you.” Kris held up a hand to silence Adam’s intended protest before going on. “I know you… have feelings for me. I’m, honestly, pretty glad about that, since… I have feelings for you, too.” Kris gave Adam an affectionate grin and a self-conscious half shrug. “It’s just that… when and if we finally get together… I want it to be for all the right reasons. I want it to be… _real_ , and… and only when you’re really ready.”

Adam’s expression softened with gratitude and affection, and his lips parted to respond, though no words came out. Kris looked away for a moment before meeting Adam’s eyes again, his words quiet and honest.

“And… I really don’t care how long that takes, Adam. I... might as well just say it. Get it all out on the table.” He paused, drawing in a deep, shaky breath before blurting out the most terrifying words he’d ever spoken. “I… I love you, and… and I’m willing to wait as long as you need…”

Kris didn’t even get the chance to brace himself for the rejection he half-expected, despite Leila Lambert’s reassurances. The words were barely out of his mouth before Adam had given up on getting a word in edgewise and instead leaned forward to still Kris’s lips by capturing them in a deep, tender kiss.

Kris froze for a moment, eyes widening in surprise – then responded, his arms slipping around Adam to draw him closer. Adam nodded slightly to indicate his approval, his hands resting at Kris’s waist and guiding him backward toward the bed. They fumbled a bit before finding the edge and managing to sit down without toppling off onto the floor, and Kris forced himself to _think_ for a moment about what they were doing, while he was still able to think in actual words.

With a supreme effort of will, Kris stilled his hands on Adam’s sides – waiting for Adam to take the lead in the situation, and take it wherever he wanted it to go. Thankfully, that was no new territory for Adam, who placed one hand on Kris’s shoulder and gently pushed him back onto his back on the bed. Kris surrendered willingly, one hand gently brushing through the hair at the back of Adam’s neck, cautiously deepening their kiss, while the other remained steady at Adam’s side, gentle fingertips barely daring to trace along the hem of Adam’s untucked shirt.

All at once, Adam drew in a sharp breath against Kris’s mouth, freezing for an instant before withdrawing and scrambling backward to sit up straight on the bed. Kris closed his eyes with a grimace, reluctant to open them and see exactly what he was dealing with. He did open them, though, sitting up to look at Adam with a concerned question in his eyes, reaching out to cautiously touch his hand.

Adam was sitting on the edge of the bed, his face turned away, eyes lowered in shame. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, shaking his head. “I thought I… thought I could… but…”

“You don’t have to,” Kris assured him, gently squeezing his hand. “Adam… I’m amazed that we got to _kissing_ tonight, okay? There’s… there’s no hurry…” He hesitated, glancing down at his hand on Adam’s before carefully lifting it and positioning his arm around Adam’s shoulders without quite touching him. “Is… is this okay?” he asked in a hushed, almost reverent tone.

Adam nodded, turning his head back toward Kris as Kris swung his legs off the side of the bed and scooted in close to his side, wrapping one arm gently around him and tugging tentatively, leading Adam to move with him toward the head of the bed. Adam willingly complied, waiting until Kris was settled at the head of the bed to sit close beside him. He sighed as he leaned his forehead against Kris’s shoulder and returned his casual embrace with one arm.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered again, helplessly.

“Don’t be.” Kris smiled as he pressed another tender, chaste kiss to Adam’s brow, this time glad that he didn’t have to feel guilty about it. His voice was low and emphatic as he slowly repeated his earlier promise. “ _As long as you need_. Okay? I said that, and I meant it. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to be with you, but… but until you’re ready for that… I’ll just be… whatever you need me to be, okay?”

Adam nodded gratefully, his arm tightening slightly around Kris’s waist. “I think… right now, I just need… just need you to be…” His voice trailed off, and he swallowed hard, struggling to find the right words.

“What?” Kris pressed him gently after a moment. “What do you need me to be, Adam?”

Adam was quiet a moment before whispering his answer in a hushed voice thick with emotion.

“ _Here_.”

He slowly raised his head, searching Kris’s expression with uncertainty, biting his lower lip in a way that emphasized his vulnerability and need. “Can you do that?” he whispered, his voice small and slightly pleading. “Can you… can you just be _here_?”

Kris gave him a reassuring smile, glancing down at Adam’s parted lips before meeting his eyes again in a silent question. At Adam’s barely perceptible nod, Kris leaned in to kiss him softly, barely more than a brush of his own lips against Adam’s, before drawing back to meet his gaze once more.

“Yeah… I think I can handle that.”


	35. Chapter 35

The rest of the tour concluded without further incident.

Larissa pled guilty in exchange for a somewhat reduced sentence – although, considering the severity of the charges against her, her sentence was still enough to keep her in prison until she was too old to do very much damage to anyone. Kidnapping and attempted murder, in addition to conspiracy to commit those same crimes as well as first degree sexual assault – it was enough to have earned her a life sentence, if she’d been convicted in an actual trial.

Still, Adam was fairly well satisfied with a sentence of forty years, without possibility of parole.

With every exhilarating show, Adam seemed to grow stronger and more confident, feeding off the loving energy of the crowd. Afterwards, he would spend time with his friends, enjoying the lingering adrenaline rush of the performance. The nights invariably ended with him and Kris together in one room, locked in each other’s arms and simply enjoying the peaceful stillness.

Sometimes they shared a few tender, lazy kisses. Sometimes, they ventured a bit further, cautiously testing the limits of Adam’s trust and endurance.

Sometimes, they just lay there together and talked quietly.

Whatever they did – Kris always left it in Adam’s control, and never pushed for more than he was willing to give.

When the tour was over, Kris relocated to LA in order to better serve his new recording career – and also, in order to be closer to Adam, naturally. For the first few couple of months, they were both so busy with various performances and publicity events, not to mention finishing their recordings, that neither really had time to think about anything else.

They both knew, however, that they had to _make_ time.

Adam had therapy twice a week – one session alone, and one with Kris at his side. Kris saw the therapist as well in separate sessions of his own, designed to help him learn how better to help Adam in coping with the aftermath of his trauma. Adam made sure to stay close to his friends and family as well, recognizing that the natural tendency toward isolation would only hinder his healing – not that there was any real chance of his being left to his own devices.

Kris made sure of that.

**********************************

“Ugh. Stupid… beads…” Kris griped under his breath as he struggled through the bedroom doorway with a huge cardboard box in his arms, his progress further impeded by the countless colorful streams of beads that his boyfriend had insisted on hanging across the doorway. “You’re such a flower child, you know that?”

“ _Duh_.” Adam gave him a smirk and just continued taking clothes from the box at his feet and hanging them in the closet of their new master bedroom. “You’ve known me how long, and you’re just now figuring that out?”

“Well, it’s not easy,” Kris groaned as he staggered under the weight of the box that was tall enough to render him both blind and invisible to his boyfriend. “You’re pretty materialistic for a hippie. Think you’ve got enough clothes?” Kris dropped the box to the floor beside the bed with an unceremonious thud.

“Hey!” Adam objected, only half-joking. “Careful!”

“Oh, please,” Kris scoffed. “Most of the stuff in that box is half scrap metal anyway. I don’t think I’m gonna damage it.” He started toward the stairs, then paused for a moment, considering. “Actually, that’s probably also the reason it’s so freakin’ heavy.”

“I _like_ my clothes.”

There was just a slight hint of a pout in Adam’s voice as he returned to his task – but Kris knew him too well to miss it. He turned away from the door, slipping up behind Adam and wrapping his arms around his waist. Adam tensed at first, attempting to hold on to his irritation; but as Kris’s lips began to mark a teasing, ticklish trail down the side of his neck, Adam couldn’t suppress a smile, and then a muffled laugh.

“I like your clothes, too,” Kris murmured, sliding one hand under the edge of Adam’s grey t-shirt, then smiling against his skin as he added, “I just like them better off of you.”

Adam dropped the jacket in his hand to the floor, turning in Kris’s arms to face him and return his embrace. He ducked his head slightly to capture Kris’s mouth in a deep, tender kiss. Kris’s hand rose to cup the back of Adam’s head, drawing him in closer, as he took a single step forward, guiding Adam backward so that his back was braced against the wall.

After a moment, Kris pulled away abruptly, holding Adam at arm’s length as he fixed him with a troubled frown.

“ _What_?” Adam shook his head in confusion, breathless and impatient.

“Don’t you want me to go bring up the rest of your salvage yard? I mean, closet?” Kris teased, his eyes sparkling with mirth despite his tone of exaggerated innocence.

“Shut up,” Adam muttered, grabbing him and pulling him into another kiss, this one more forceful and demanding than the last.

Kris let out a soft huff of laughter into Adam’s mouth as he gripped his boyfriend’s arms and tugged him away from the wall and a few steps across the room. When they neared the bed, Kris swiftly spun them around so that Adam’s back was to it, then pushed him down against the mattress, falling down with him onto it, never breaking the kiss.

Adam’s breath caught in his throat, and Kris felt him tense beneath him – so he immediately drew back to meet Adam’s eyes, concern in his own. Adam was staring up at him, his blue eyes huge and vulnerable, full of mingled trust and uncertainty. Kris hesitated, warring with his own desires, yet ultimately, as always, choosing the option that was best for Adam.

In the six months since they’d become an official couple, they had yet to do more than make out.

“Wanna stop?” Kris whispered, careful to keep any trace of disappointment out of his voice. He didn’t want Adam to feel any pressure to do anything he was not ready for. “We can stop. It’s fine…”

Adam was still for a moment, just staring up at Kris and catching his breath. At last, he shook his head rapidly, his answer coming out in a breathless whisper.

“No.”

Kris froze, momentarily wondering if he’d heard Adam correctly. This was usually the point in their physical encounters when Adam would need to stop. He eyed his boyfriend carefully, suspiciously.

“Are you sure?” he asked softly. “Because, if you’re not ready, Adam…”

“No, I… I am,” Adam cut him off in a hoarse whisper, need and uncertainty warring in his voice. “Yeah. I’m ready. I… I trust you.”

Kris thought that in all his life, he’d never heard such beautiful words.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that.” He shook his head, blinking back the tears in his eyes.

“Maybe… about as long as I’ve been… waiting to say them?” Adam raised a gentle hand to cup Kris’s cheek, his thumb brushing a stray tear away from Kris’s eye.

Kris swallowed hard, struggling for control of his emotions, clearing his throat before speaking again, hesitant and concerned. “Well… if you need to take them back… you know, at any point… that’s okay, all right? That’s fine… you just…”

“Kris?”

Kris closed his eyes for a moment, his heart sinking with the certain dread that Adam was about to take advantage of his offer. “Yes?”

“Can we… stop talking now?”

Kris blinked in surprise – then found himself laughing softly as he lowered his head onto Adam’s chest for a moment, shaking it at his own foolishness. He looked up after a moment, his eyes soft with amusement and affection.

“Yeah,” he whispered, nodding slowly. “Yeah… let’s do that.”

His hands were slow and gentle as they traced along the hem of Adam’s soft cotton shirt, then ventured to slide it upward. Adam raised his hands over his head, silent permission for Kris to complete the task and take it off the rest of the way.

“You’re so beautiful…” Kris breathed out the words without knowing he was going to speak them, eyes wide and wondering as he trailed a soft, reverent hand slowly down from Adam’s shoulder, tracing a slow shiver of sensation along his skin. “So amazing…”

Adam’s eyes widened momentarily in surprise – and then closed completely as he turned his head away, swallowing hard. A heated blush rose in his face, and his voice trembled as he stammered out self-consciously,

“I th-thought we weren’t… going to talk…”

“Can’t help it.” Kris smiled as his fingertips traced Adam’s slightly parted lips, gently turning his face back toward him. “You’re just… you’re stunning, Adam. How’d I ever get so lucky?”

“Shut up.”

But Kris didn’t – and eventually, Adam didn’t want him to anymore.

As Kris’s hands trailed with gentle, reverent desire over Adam’s skin, he murmured words of affection and tenderness. He covered Adam’s body with slow, tender kisses, mingling those kisses with promises of devotion and protection. For his own part, Adam was silent, his hands trembling as he returned Kris’s touch. Gradually, their touches became more fervent, more desperate, and Kris’s eloquent words became broken and breathless, sliding slowly into incoherent sounds of need.

Kris’s hand trembled on the fastenings of Adam’s jeans, and he hesitated, forcing himself back from the brink for long enough to focus on what Adam might need, and not express. He met Adam’s gaze, his own eyes darkened and dilated with lust, relieved to see the same wide, open need in Adam’s eyes as well.

“If you wanna stop,” he whispered, “we will. Right now. I… I can wait… longer… if it’s what you need…”

“No,” Adam insisted, shaking his head, and Kris’s heart clenched when he saw the tears shining in Adam’s eyes. “No, we’ve… b-both waited long enough…”

Adam’s hands rose to rest on Kris’s shoulders, sliding slowly down to close firmly around his forearms. Kris was caught completely off guard when Adam abruptly reversed their positions, flipping Kris over onto his back and settling against him. Kris drew in a sharp, startled breath – then relaxed, nodding his acceptance and yielding to Adam’s control as Adam began slowly kissing his throat, his mouth working its way slowly down his chest.

“So good, Adam… _God_ … you’re so amazing… so hot… love you so much…”

In a position to control their situation, Adam’s confidence increased, and he began to lose himself in the sensation of the moment. His expert hands trailed over Kris’s body as Kris returned the contact, and their trembling, unsteady hands somehow managed to shed the remaining layers between them. Kris kept up a constant litany as they continued, words of love and need and increasing desperation, while Adam remained completely silent, utterly focused on savoring the sensation of each moment.

Before long, they were both on the brink of their need, and Kris’s words had been reduced to breathless moans of pleading and pleasure.

“God, _Adam_ ,” he whispered, gasping. “I love you, love you, love you… _God_ … so much, Adam… _love you…_ ”

With those words on his lips, he reached his release, only moments before Adam was overcome by his own. Trembling, breathless, sweat-damp and sated, Kris turned slowly in Adam’s arms, which had grown lax and heavy around him. He wrapped his arms around Adam and drew him close, placing a tender kiss over the fluttering pulse racing in his throat.

“I love you,” he whispered again. “I love you so much, Adam.”

“I love you, too.”

Adam’s voice was broken, tearful, as he rested his head against Kris’s shoulder. Kris felt hot drops of moisture against his bare skin, and instinctively, protectively tightened his embrace.

“Thank you,” Adam whispered, the words more felt than heard against Kris’s skin. “Thank you… for helping me… take that back…”

Kris raised his head and pressed a tender kiss to Adam’s damp brow, brushing his hair back from his face. His voice was hushed but filled with conviction as he stated, “There’s _nothing_ they took from you that we can’t take back, Adam – together. _Nothing_.”

Adam was quiet for a moment, his body trembling against Kris. At last, Kris felt his lips twist slowly upward into a soft smile, and when he spoke, his voice was filled with hope and conviction, a rare certainty that was becoming less rare with every day that separated him from the nightmare that had invaded his life seven months earlier.

“I know,” Adam whispered, nodding slowly. “I know.”

Kris smiled, shifting in closer against Adam and getting comfortable. Adam’s arms settled around him, and he let out a contented sigh. The two of them lay there in peaceful silence, taking shelter and comfort in each other, until they slowly, finally, drifted off to a deep and dreamless sleep.


End file.
